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Thread: Is saturday the perfect time to ask her out?

  1. #1
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    Is saturday the perfect time to ask her out?

    I have been dating this girl since early May so just over 2 months and everything is going great, we message on a daily basis and have been on 5 dates (not including the night we met which was in a bar). The first 4 meet ups were just after work for meals and a couple of drinks but last saturday I took her on a full night out drinking round my closest city and then to a club; we both absolutely loved the night and had a great time. Some photos were taken and she messaged me yesterday saying she'd showed them to her family and asked if I had too (good sign).

    This weekend I'm taking her to a horse racing event which is a massive deal and we've both been out this week buying new expensive outfits to dress for the occasion. I feel like it would be the perfect time to ask her to be official as we haven't actually had a talk like that yet.

    The problem is I am a natural shy person and have never done this before (only had 1 previous girlfriend and she was the one that asked me!), so part of me keeps thinking what if she isnt ready and what if I spoil this big day by putting her on the spot etc. Plus like I say eventhough we've been talking over 2 months, last Saturday was our first BIG meetup (rather than just a meal after work) which is also making me have thoughts like should I ask to be official in only the 2nd BIG meetup?

    I've always been an anxious person and worry about every little thing, all my mates are telling me the races is the perfect time but like I say I keep doubting myself thinking what if I spoil her day.

    In terms of how close we've been during the dates, since the 2nd one we have been making out at the end of each night, and on Saturday we did several times for a minute+, but haven't gone any further.

    I think already that this girl is amazing and hope she feels the same about me from the messages she sends and the fact shes making such an effort for Saturday, but as I say I keep doubting myself. Like I say I think the fact it is only the 2nd 'big' meetup is the main thing.

    What do you think from reading through the above?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Everybody has their comfort levels of how they like to date. There is nothing wrong with telling her yours and seeing if she's on the same page. What would I say? (And I have said this very thing in the past) I'm the type of person who doesn't like to multi-date. If I really like someone, I want to see where it will lead without the outside interference of dating others. What's your style?

    And then listen to her response.

    It doesn't mean that there is any great commitment, like engagement. It just means that when you're kissing someone and pouring emotional energy and time into someone, that you would feel really bad if they were smooching someone else. The relationship could end at any time, but in the meantime, the couple is giving what could build into a beautiful thing, its best shot. Nothing wrong with that.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Exclusive talks are so silly, I never had that with my girlfriends. Normal couples who are sane and in love are naturally exclusive. And you guys have been dating long enough to be in love - you are obviously in love. Let her bring it up if she wants to. Otherwise, just enjoy the ride - you are already there, livin' the dream! Have fun!

    At it's core, a relationship is a continuing series of dates.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    A couple of words in your post did raise some concern for me: what do you mean "round my closest city" (your first paragraph)? Is this not a local date/are you not dating in your own city? And your title of the thread makes no sense. You've already asked her out: a bunch of times. Making it officially boyfriend-girlfriend just means establishing whether or not you're exclusive.

    My suggestion: keep it simple and just discuss exclusivity. Let things unfold naturally after that.

    I tend to think that exclusivity talks are critical and avoids confusion later. If you're naturally on the same wavelength, things shake out nicely. If you're not, it's better to know earlier rather than later. That early on there is no way of knowing whether someone else is tying up loose ends, there's a pesky ex around (still hung up on the past) or whether that person is casually seeing other people. It's a wide world out there.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes introduce the exclusive/official talk before she loses interest. Particularly if you are getting sexual. If you want to move forward, you need to date more often. Doesn't have to fancy, expensive or special. Messaging gets real boring real fast when there aren't enough in person dates to build momentum and rapport.

  7. #6
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    Introduce her to someone as a girlfriend, and that will open up the dialogue.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Everybody has their comfort levels of how they like to date. There is nothing wrong with telling her yours and seeing if she's on the same page. What would I say? (And I have said this very thing in the past) I'm the type of person who doesn't like to multi-date. If I really like someone, I want to see where it will lead without the outside interference of dating others. What's your style?

    And then listen to her response.

    It doesn't mean that there is any great commitment, like engagement. It just means that when you're kissing someone and pouring emotional energy and time into someone, that you would feel really bad if they were smooching someone else. The relationship could end at any time, but in the meantime, the couple is giving what could build into a beautiful thing, its best shot. Nothing wrong with that.

    Good luck.
    ^^ This. Using the term `official or girlfriend' can be intimidating.
    But agreeing to focus on just the two of you for the time being and not date others is a comfortable way to start.

  9. #8
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    She's probably going to be thrilled you brought it up.

  10. #9
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    Don't do it. Too soon after just two dates. In the meantime, no sex. you can just casually mention "i am not seeing anyone else,...only you.." But after only 2 dates, thats a little fast. But i would not ask her to be your girlfriend yet. I would get to know her some more before getting intimate or asking her to be your girlfriend.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    Introduce her to someone as a girlfriend, and that will open up the dialogue.
    normally i would agree, but not on the third date.

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