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Thread: Is the damage beyond repair?

  1. #31
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Suec
    He proposed to me tonight and said That if we were to get married many of the insecurities will go away because we be living together andMany of the insecurities would go away since we’ve been living together. I told him I was flattered but I remain concerned that we were not compatible in the financial way in terms of responsibility. While I did place blame I said we saw things differently and I didn’t see her lip getting married and living together was going to help that. What should I do?
    He has a track record of being a liar which is a real deal breaker.

    Your insecurities will NOT go away. You can't fix broken trust because it is here to stay.

    Then there is incompatibility regarding financial responsibility.

    Beware. His financial hardships and / or financial delinquencies become YOUR problems. Sometimes, your credit history is affected negatively, too. Some couples end up in bankruptcy.

    Tread lightly. You know how your future will play out. It's obviously on shaky ground and unstable.

    Also, he has a temper. Should you confront him about ANYTHING in the future, he will become furious and do you want that? He's not going to put a lid on his impulsive, angry outbursts. Are you prepared to being on the receiving end of his ire? This is what you're up against. These scenarios are awful.

    Choose a man who is financially stable, solid and keeps his emotions in check. Choose a man who is calm, peaceful, mature and doesn't explode in anger. I hate men or people who have explosive, impulsive, very bad, immature tempers. They act like spoiled 2 year old brats having a major meltdown.

    If you don't mind, if you can bite your tongue and look the other way and if you accept him warts and all then accept his marriage proposal and I hope you will live happily ever after with him. If you have any seeds of doubt implanted within the deep recesses of your brain, then think long and hard about either accepting or declining his marriage proposal. This is YOUR life. Don't make rash decisions. Think things through and think about the quality of your life in the future.

    Do you want an easy life or a marriage made in hell? You decide.

  2. #32
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Obviously you don't trust him so why would you want to be with him? Or marry him?

    Are you afraid of being single? Being lonely? Going through retirement and having no one around? Or you are just hoping one day he lets you control his money and everything will be good?

    I think the hardest thing for you is actually being honest with yourself.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent, now your credit and finances will be as bad as his.
    Originally Posted by Suec
    He proposed to me tonight

  4. #34
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Suec
    He proposed to me tonight and said That if we were to get married many of the insecurities will go away because we be living together andMany of the insecurities would go away since we’ve been living together. I told him I was flattered but I remain concerned that we were not compatible in the financial way in terms of responsibility. While I did place blame I said we saw things differently and I didn’t see her lip getting married and living together was going to help that. What should I do?
    You should not marry him.

    As far as what you should do, well, that's entirely up to you. What sticks out at me throughout this thread is a) consistent lack of trust b) his insecurities and temper c) you were FLATTERED when he proposed. Not overjoyed. Not excited. Not happy. Flattered. After 6 years. d) His financial instability.

    He wants to marry you because he wants his insecurities to go away. He's insecure because you - whether justifiably or not - judge him for his deep financial troubles and corner him with his lies on a regular basis. He can't make you see him the way he desperately wants to be seen by his partner. No one should ever get married as the solution to a problem.

    And not that it needs to be said for the umpteenth time, but you should not join forces financially with someone who's finances are in trouble.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Suec
    He proposed to me tonight and said That if we were to get married many of the insecurities will go away because we be living together andMany of the insecurities would go away since we’ve been living together. I told him I was flattered but I remain concerned that we were not compatible in the financial way in terms of responsibility. While I did place blame I said we saw things differently and I didn’t see her lip getting married and living together was going to help that. What should I do?
    What should you do? Say no. Because YOU have issues with him simply being himself that another will be very ok with.

    Let him and all his positive attributes go.
    Hopefully you will meet a man with those same attributes and a healthy bank balance.

  7. #36
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    Want to become legally responsible for any of his debts or unpaid bills? Then go ahead and marry him.

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