Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 36

Thread: Is the damage beyond repair?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,309
    Originally Posted by Suec
    He used his motherís money temporarily to pay bills but sheís on Medicaid and he earns enough to pay his own bills or so it seems. He did reimburse her after I told him itís wrong but he reluctantly did do saying itís his money too not so fast I said sheís not dead yet!
    Itís still none of your business.
    If you donít want to get entangled with someone financially , then donít.

    But also donít berate him for his decisions that have nothing to do with you.

    I just canít believe that you have some sort of underhand way of checking his finances. To me, thatís the only red flag here.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    5
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Itís still none of your business.
    If you donít want to get entangled with someone financially , then donít.

    But also donít berate him for his decisions that have nothing to do with you.

    I just canít believe that you have some sort of underhand way of checking his finances. To me, thatís the only red flag here.
    Full authority he gave me full authority to check his finances sometime ago because I didnít trust what he had to say so I can sure of myself. Unfortunately some of what I learned is OK but other things either and is not OK. He has talked about living together and thatís all he wants to do is live together therefore his finances are very much my concern. Heís made me promises to pay me a certain amount of money every month towards the house with expenses I really donít think I can rely on him to pay much of anything except once he gets to my house Iíll have a hell of a time getting them out

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,335
    Gender
    Female
    Find someone with finances in order. Period.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,325
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Suec
    He used his motherís money temporarily to pay bills but sheís on Medicaid and he earns enough to pay his own bills or so it seems. He did reimburse her after I told him itís wrong but he reluctantly did do saying itís his money too not so fast I said sheís not dead yet!
    Oh ok - you donít respect him. Yes, itís over.

    ... but seriously, you should just end it. Sticking around and continuously checking up on him and pointing out his flaws is abusive. Just end it.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,322
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You are not married or living together and you are not his mom and he yelled and screamed because you are acting like mommy. Go find someone who meets your criteria fully thatís what everyone should do . Never try to push someone into the peg hole you want them to fit into .
    This pretty much exact.

    He's financially irresponsible. So what? So are a hundred thousand others you're not obligated to move in with. Add him to the list and move on. You know you're rolling the dice regardless, so no, his finances aren't your business regardless of how long you two have "considered" moving in together. And honestly, should you two actually decide to live together, up to and when he actually falls through on giving you rent come the 1st of that month, his finances still won't be your business.

    Stop going through the guy's **** and probing on matters that are of no concern to you. Buy a pinata if you need something to smack around, even if just proverbially.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,363
    Gender
    Female
    1. On again, off again relationships mean the relationship isn't the right one for you. One or both don't care enough to stay together to work on problems and easily let the the other go, knowing there might not be a reconciliation.

    2. If he's collecting social security, it means he's likely in his mid 60s. He is where he is because that's how he chooses to run his life and finances after 45 years in the work world. And now you think he'll all of a sudden make a major change in that area that you'll be happy with? If the only way you'll be happy with a person is if he will change in a major way, move on. People rarely change, and hoping they will is wasted time you could be using to find someone who does match you in all the important ways.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,362
    As his girlfriend (versus his mother) where did you learn that your boyfriend's finances are any of your business?

    And to the extent that they are, hassling him the way you do? It seems quite oppressive to say the least!

    You said he gave you permission to check? And what led to him giving you permission?

    Rhetorical question of course, obviously it was your continual hassling him about it.

    I'm sorry I found your actions cringeworthy, way over the top and out of line, no wonder he blew up at you the way he did.

    My advice is to break up with him, clearly you don't respect him nor even like him very much; yes the damage done is beyond repair.

  9. #18
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    310
    This description is one of a very unhealthy dating relationship for the both of you - instead of a romantic relationship, this seems like you both are living out the roles of a mother attempting to control her adult son. The story should have ended at the point of having a need to check his finances and his feeling the need to allow that. Not sure what happened in your both of your pasts to think this is all fine. If the bottom line is for the both of you to carry on by having something to yell and complain about endlessly, then this is perfect for you both.

    If there is any goal for a healthy relationship, you both will need to find someone else who will not allow for falling into a mother/son role pattern.

  10. #19

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    5
    Originally Posted by James516
    This description is one of a very unhealthy dating relationship for the both of you - instead of a romantic relationship, this seems like you both are living out the roles of a mother attempting to control her adult son. The story should have ended at the point of having a need to check his finances and his feeling the need to allow that. Not sure what happened in your both of your pasts to think this is all fine. If the bottom line is for the both of you to carry on by having something to yell and complain about endlessly, then this is perfect for you both.

    If there is any goal for a healthy relationship, you both will need to find someone else who will not allow for falling into a mother/son role pattern.
    It became relevant when we started talking about living together. Also morally important to me because he served a year for check kiting 15 years ago but blames it on his deceased brother who masterminded it he claims. I want to believe him and know he is an honorable guy who got caught up in something he shouldnít have.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,362
    It may (or may not) be relevant but nevertheless it still does not give you the right to go snooping and then proceeding to hassle him about what you found.

    The fact you think it is your right and your business suggests some very warped thinking about relationships and our respective roles within that relationship.

    Good luck.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •