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Thread: Need advice about my 9 year old daughter

  1. #11
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    You need to find those letters. Ransack the house when the kids are gone. Find them. Secrets are a warning sign

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Iím sorry this post is just waaaaay too leading.

    What was the advice you actually needed? I am not seeing a question.

    Seems you just want strangers on the internet to tell you her father is molesting her, which...as a mother... if you suspect that, why the hell are you posting on a forum and not going to the police.

    This reeks, something ainít adding up.
    I agree. Of course itís easy to jump to conclusions based on what the OP has written.

    OP if you are that concerned about the wellbeing of your child then take action... just do it and ignore what her dad is saying... start a police report, get family services involved, seek counselling for her. You donít need our advice in order to move forward.

  3. #13
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    Reminds me of the movie, Delores Claiborne.

    He is administering sleeping pills and they are sleeping together, and then spends time manipulating her and the situation to isolate her. Get her a drug test. Go back to court.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    If there is an issue with getting her into counseling, I would go myself and speak alone with a therapist about what you feel is going on.

    They deal with these same issues all the time and will best advise you how to deal with your daughter, the dad and the courts if needed.

    Just be forewarned to get to the bottom of this it could be a long arduous road of psych evaluations, attorneys and courts. I watched my friend go through it. In the end, there were no winners. Only losers. But personally, I would do what ever it takes if I felt my child was in an unhealthy situation.

    If what you say is true, the father is being very emotionally incestuous with the daughter. I'd be very concerned.

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  6. #15
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    He was arrested for uttering threats in 2011, he had written a document that I found on his computer where he described a plan he had to sexually assault me and kill the both of us in a murder/suicide. He deleted the document as soon as he figured out I read it, and no I did not think to email a copy to myself (stupid, I know but I was in shock after I read it) Anyway, he was arrested and remanded for a few weeks but the case ended up being dismissed due to there being no evidence and I ended up being accused of exaggerating and fabricating things. He had to have supervised visits for about a year and a psychological evaluation after which I was told that there were no concerns found and the protection order and supervision order was going to be vacated. I went in front of a judge to explain my reasons in an effort to renew the supervision order but he would not listen to my concerns and vacated the order. He was then pursuing shared custody and I was being told that there was no indication of him ever having been abusive toward the kids and no reason to deny him equal access. In retrospect, I probably had a terrible lawyer. All of the things I'm talking about have come about slowly over the past year, with the most disturbing aspects coming to light in the last month or so. (his behaviour, things he's been saying to me and to her, secrets, gravol etc). I have involved child services and presented them with everything that I put in my post, and while they agree that there are "some red flags" they have told me that the kids haven't disclosed anything that concerns them enough to keep them away from him. I am also in contact with a lawyer to find out what steps are available to me. I haven't reached out to police, I guess because even given everything, there is a part of me that is hesitant to make this sort of allegation to police without hard evidence. I have gone up against him before and not only has he managed to walk away from it all but also twisted the situation to make it look like I was making false allegations simply for my own benefit.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by maew
    I agree. Of course itís easy to jump to conclusions based on what the OP has written.

    OP if you are that concerned about the wellbeing of your child then take action... just do it and ignore what her dad is saying... start a police report, get family services involved, seek counselling for her. You donít need our advice in order to move forward.
    I have involved child services, presented them with everything I put in my post. They agree that there are red flags but don't seem overly concerned and have said that the kids have not disclosed anything that concerns them enough to keep them away from him. I have spoken with a lawyer about what steps I can take, and she informed me that while I do not need his consent to seek counselling for her that most counsellors will refuse to see a child without both parents consent. I reached out to mental health services in my area and this is the issue I ran into. He refused to consent and they would not book her an appointment. The only other option is to apply for a court order for counselling, which is something I have spoken to my lawyer about. I guess i posted here because I don't get the feeling that this is being taken seriously by child services and I wasn't sure if I was reading into things too much. I thought if other people see this the way I'm seeing it, then why aren't childrens' services? I do realize the way my post may have come across as simply seeking validation from strangers on the internet without taking any steps to protect her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    One can only imagine how tied up the courts are with false accusations. In the end it hurts those who really need help.
    Just keep documenting and working at finding a way to intervene. She's still young. Imagine this going on when she's 14.
    If you have a track record of returning to court over and over at some point they need to take notice that this isn't just an angry parent, but a pattern and a legitimate concern.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You don't need his consent to take her to a pediatrician or a pediatric psychologist or family therapy for yourself and her. Start there. You don't even have documentation that he is giving her antihistamines to sleep (similar to benadryl for children). Calling the cops, cps etc will result in them walking away without evidence of anything.

    Stop the battle with her father. If you want an adjustment in the custody arrangement you need to file for that in court and/or consult an attorney. Without any admission/complaint from her or documentation of a problem it's just a he said/she said battle between two parents making their child collateral damage in their tug-of-war. Something the courts have to contend with all the time. You need to back up your accusations or you don't have a case.
    Up until yesterday I did not have any documentable proof that he has been giving her gravol. However, now that he knows questions are being asked he sent me an email last night and said that he had "decided" to withdraw her off the gravol slowly over the course of a week. He tried twisting it around to say that he had a prescription for her and that he was only following dr's orders. Since I confronted him about the gravol he has been saying that it's ok because he had a dr's order for it. I have checked at the pharmacy since and there is no prescription, which I have also told child services. In my opinion, this email is an admission of guilt on his part in that he clearly states he was giving her gravol, but when I showed it to the Child services case worker she said "well it looks like he's not giving it anymore" and left it at that.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by St0113
    He was arrested for uttering threats in 2011, he had written a document that I found on his computer where he described a plan he had to sexually assault me and kill the both of us in a murder/suicide. He deleted the document as soon as he figured out I read it, and no I did not think to email a copy to myself (stupid, I know but I was in shock after I read it) Anyway, he was arrested and remanded for a few weeks but the case ended up being dismissed due to there being no evidence and I ended up being accused of exaggerating and fabricating things. He had to have supervised visits for about a year and a psychological evaluation after which I was told that there were no concerns found and the protection order and supervision order was going to be vacated. I went in front of a judge to explain my reasons in an effort to renew the supervision order but he would not listen to my concerns and vacated the order. He was then pursuing shared custody and I was being told that there was no indication of him ever having been abusive toward the kids and no reason to deny him equal access. In retrospect, I probably had a terrible lawyer. All of the things I'm talking about have come about slowly over the past year, with the most disturbing aspects coming to light in the last month or so. (his behaviour, things he's been saying to me and to her, secrets, gravol etc). I have involved child services and presented them with everything that I put in my post, and while they agree that there are "some red flags" they have told me that the kids haven't disclosed anything that concerns them enough to keep them away from him. I am also in contact with a lawyer to find out what steps are available to me. I haven't reached out to police, I guess because even given everything, there is a part of me that is hesitant to make this sort of allegation to police without hard evidence. I have gone up against him before and not only has he managed to walk away from it all but also twisted the situation to make it look like I was making false allegations simply for my own benefit.
    This ^ is reality then.

    Your post is very slanted and worded in a way that comes off like you have absolute proof and serious suspicion and reasons given past practices, given what you wrote it would be a no brainer something serious was going on, you tell social services what you told us and it be reality, they wouldnít for a second dismiss it. So clearly reality is much more grey than what youíre presenting here.

    Step back from the ledge. Thatís my advice. You didnít have a bad lawyer, he did, Iíve never heard of someone being arrested for more than a day much less a week on heresay. People typically donít just get arrested cause someone says Ďhe said he was going to kill me in an emailí before he was arrested, some sort of something would have had to have been presented. thatís not how arrests typically occur, it sounds like his rights were violated so if what your saying is true good lord did he have an awful lawyer and Iím surprised he isnít suing the police department for wrongful arrest, not saying youíre lying but with zero evidence... do you realize how many men and women file false reports? Thatís specifically why people arenít arrested on heresay, so in that respect, he got screwed.

    But now, with what youíre saying, like I said if how youíre painting things here are reality, good lord go to the authorities, you have proof now right? Stop wasting time go report it, unless he has a legal prescription to give your daughter that medication, he is committing a crime.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by St0113
    Up until yesterday I did not have any documentable proof that he has been giving her gravol. However, now that he knows questions are being asked he sent me an email last night and said that he had "decided" to withdraw her off the gravol slowly over the course of a week. He tried twisting it around to say that he had a prescription for her and that he was only following dr's orders. Since I confronted him about the gravol he has been saying that it's ok because he had a dr's order for it. I have checked at the pharmacy since and there is no prescription, which I have also told child services. In my opinion, this email is an admission of guilt on his part in that he clearly states he was giving her gravol, but when I showed it to the Child services case worker she said "well it looks like he's not giving it anymore" and left it at that.
    Wow... thatís surprising youíd be dismissed about something so serious as giving a child medication she wasnít prescribed, are you sure she wasnít prescribed it?

    Have you made reports before?

    Can you give us more history?

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