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Thread: The first guy I loved is moving to another continent

  1. #1
    Member Plllover's Avatar
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    The first guy I loved is moving to another continent

    Hey guys. So, something has happened that has me so sad. I met this guy back in 2016, and I havenít seen him for over a year. The last time we saw each other we had a fight and he unfollowed me on Instagram and I deleted him from Facebook. Havenít seen him ever since. He did really hurt me. He wasnít a good guy to me, he was a player. He cheated on his girlfriend with me and I said horrible stuff to him last year. My friends hate him. But. Time has passed. And I donít know how to explain this, but somehow heís always there in the back of my mind. Iím sure heís the first guy Iíve ever fallen in love with. Even though he was a and an idiot with me, I still have strong feelings for him. I donít know how to explain this but he made me feel a certain way that... I havenít felt again with another guy. I still lived my life without him, even dated and almost had a boyfriend, and he did too, he had a girlfriend but they broke up last year. But somehow he always pops up in my mind. I have no idea why he means so much to me! Donít ask me. Because I donít know why I feel this way even after a year without seeing him. Well yesterday I got the news that heís moving to Europe. When I found out I started crying. I felt so ing bad I canít even explain to you guys. I felt like... I donít know, something was tearing me up inside. And I was so confused because... he never felt something so strong for me and I still do feel strong feelings for him. He was my first time. And I didnít fall for him because of that, I chose him to be my first time because of how I felt for him.

    I sent my friend a coupe of voice messages crying and all she did was reply ďI donít know why you feel like this about him after everything he did to you. I donít know that advice to give you because I donít get youĒ I feel so misunderstood. And I feel crazy. Because I told her I felt crazy for feeling this way, and itís like she somehow confirmed that Iím actually crazy.

    This is hard for me and honestly itís stupid for me to make people understand me or get how I feel. They way I feel itís the way I feel and if someone doesnít get it then thatís okay. But I still feel bad.

    And idk I need some encouragement words because honestly all I feel is like Iíll never get a chance to cross him on the street, Iíll never be able to see him again. My sister moved to Europe this year too. And my aunt is thinking about leaving with my cousins too. Itís like Iím feeling loss all the time, I canít handle this :(

    Just tell me Iím not insane and this is completely normal :( I donít know why I feel like Iím going to miss someone i havenít seen for over a year. But we did have history, and I really did fall for him - no one ever made me feel the way he did. And the worst thing is I donít know why, because all he ever did was hurt me.

    All the memories come back: All the things I said to him, all the things he did to me... It's just horrible. Timing just wasn't right.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Certainly you're not crazy. But after a year of not seeing him, I think you're still too hung up on him.

    It wasn't just the timing with you. Are you entertaining a fantasy that if you were to see him now, everything would be perfect between you? I seriously doubt that that's true. He's moved on, but apparently you are having difficulty doing that.

    You need to put an end to your misery by making an effort to blot him out of your life. You don't want to put your life on hold for someone who isn't ever going to love you. He was a cheater and he didn't treat you well. You're remembering all the good things, but when you weigh them against each other, the bad outweighed the good.

    Don't live in the past, please.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes you do need to stop living in the past, which is what you are doing. This guy moving across the world is probably a good thing. You will have to stop thinking about chance encounters once he's moved, as they will not happen. You've got a fantasy of sorts going on and that's not healthy. You do need to distract yourself when you find yourself thinking about him. Easier said than done, but you can do it if you try.

    I have a guy in my past that I was in love with, yet I stood no chance with him. I used to look for him when I went to the town where he lived, I sometimes drove past his house. He is a musician and I made sure to go to all of his gigs. We were friends too, and we got on well, but it was never going to develop into any sort of relationship. I was sad when he got married, and happy when they broke up! Childish of me, but that's how I felt.

    Then I moved 3-4 hours away, and ultimately that was a good thing. I wasnt going to see him anywhere, in fact I've seen him twice in 3.5 years. The last time I saw him I realized that the feelings I had for him have gone, he is now a friend, not someone I lust after. That was a really good realization for me, to finally have him out of my system. We can continue to be friends, which is how he saw me in the first place.

    Stop crying, pull up your socks, and actively work on banishing him from your thoughts.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's time to let go. If he's on your social media, it's time to let that go too. The peeking into what he's doing, knowing that he's off to Europe etc, going to any places he may have frequented and hoping to see him or see him on the street on a route you know he takes is not healthy. That has to stop completely. Letting go is in the little and the big things. If you do continue allowing someone to have an influence in your life, you won't ever really outgrow that place. Don't stay stuck there. Keeping growing and move forwards.

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