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Thread: Sugar daddy love?

  1. #11
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    You're extraordinarily judgmental for a person who literally cannot survive financially for one week without this guy.

    He could just as easily come here and tell us about you, saying that you don't do anything to support yourself financially, that you're a parasite who uses him for his money. But I bet he'd never do that.

    Do him a favor and let him find a sweet girl who will appreciate him, with whom he can Netflix & couch.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is he married?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Pili34
    Thank you for your replies. Ive been really thinking about what you said....

    Even leaving money aside it would still be hard for me. He has been my best friend and pretty much the most important person in my life for 10 years.
    He has been helping me financially for the past 2 years, when I had some family problems. Our relationship was never about the money, and only recently I let myself depend on him like that, maybe I shouldn't have.

    Of course it does weight on me that I cant afford rent at the moment without him. But even if I could, I would still be torn about loosing someone I do care deeply about, and that cares so much about me. I dont know if this romantic fantasies are worth losing someone like him. I dont know if I would ever find someone better anyway, who would love me as much. But I also dont know if I will ever be completely happy with my relationship the way it is. I know I havent been satisfied for a while.

    I know being a couch potato is actually quite normal but being a dancer myself, no one else on my circles is like that and I struggle to understand him. I do enjoy spending hours at the gym and playing sports and I honestly love eating healthy food, this things make me feel good on a physical and mental health level. I wish I could share this big interest in my life with him. There was a time when I was a couch potato myself, during my early teen years, I was so unhealthy on every level back then, but I had a wake up call and I grew on that way.

    I know that if he asked me to, I dont know, start playing mario tennis with him or go learn Chinese or go vegan with him or whatever, and told me this was super important to him, I would definitely do it. Because I care about making him feel that way. I would rather he cared about his own health and body, or at least tried to look good for me, (its not like I dont put effort in looking good for him!) than payed for things. I rather he did something really romantic with me, that cost no money at all, than payed for a fancy restaurant. Really, no doubt.

    I just dont actually want someone new. He has always been my best friend, and I love him and I want to be in love with him again. I want him to go to the gym with me, I want him to go out and do fun things with me.
    You seem to be exhibiting all the traits of someone who's just not in love. I'm being very real and honest with you. You want the fairytale. You're just not living one. You're calling this love but it really isn't. You're dependent on him for your happiness and you're hinging your happiness/fairytale-like existence on him changing who he is as a person because you're so deeply insecure about yourself and unable to support yourself at this time.

    The more you continue to believe this person is your entire world and yet have these divided thoughts, the more you will lose yourself. The division will unravel you and this relationship all on its own.

    You've already lost your autonomy and independence and forfeited your ability to choose. You've even lost your "best friend". Is he your best friend? It doesn't sound like it to me. You're clinging to that idea of love and the concept of him being your "best friend" and yet you can't even stand his physique or his dull interests. His interests appear dull and pointless to you: eating junk food, playing games, growing manboobs and so on. I am genuinely curious how you view friendships to begin with if this is how you truly regard your best friend.

    Speaking about this in depth might help but both of you will have to take each other seriously and respect each other's words, ideas, thoughts and feelings.

    Have you sat down and spoken with him about all this or had a heart to heart as a couple? Have either of you talked about your future together? I'm asking as the relationship itself seems directionless and without purpose.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You are wasting your life with this guy. He's who he is, a chubby couch potato who seems to be ok with himself. You are sponging off of him because you dont have a real job. This is not love, not even close. He may be a guy who you get along with for the most part, but he is not a partner in life.

    Time to end this charade and move on, grow up, learn to take care of yourself. It's fine being a dancer and good for you to have a passion but it's time to wake up and see that time is marching on, no matter how young you are. You want more than this guy is giving you. Stop taking advantage of him and learn to grow and expand your own horizons.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Have you talked to him about being unhappy in the relationship?

    Maybe the first step is being honest with yourself. You use this man and you feel guilty for not loving him like he should be love.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All you like about him is his money. But you're fine with that. He doesn't have to fix your "existential crisis and deep misery". Just go shopping, spend all his money and you'll be fine.
    Originally Posted by Pili34
    Has a bit of a beer belly and pretty much as much boobs as I do. (im a B cup hehe) .he kinda drags me down a little bit to his lethargic sedentary lifestyle that I hate. He is always on the computer, his phone, the tv or playing a video game.

  8. #17
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It's normal to want a guy who is attractive (in shape) and romantic.

    You could always try withholding sex or threatening to leave, but you might loose your fortune that way.

    Money is not enough. The golddiggers have it wrong. Relationships take work, and the only worthwhile payment is true love.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    It's normal to want a guy who is attractive (in shape) and romantic.

    You could always try withholding sex or threatening to leave, but you might loose your fortune that way.

    Money is not enough. The golddiggers have it wrong. Relationships take work, and the only worthwhile payment is true love.
    Well put.

    He is who he is, and has zero desire to change anything he is doing right now, and why should he? He has you exactly where he wants you... completely dependent on him financially and fearful of saying anything or you will lose your cash cow.

    Personally I think he is using you just as much as you are using him... him for sex and some high quality arm candy, you for money.

    Yes itís entirely possible to have romance in real life, however the only way you will find the romance and compatibility you want is if you make that a high priority in your search for a relationship.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What got me, was how she is criticizing him left and right to an entire forum but doesn't mind cashing his checks....ugh.

    That's not even a friend.

  11. #20

    I get what you are feeling

    I understand where you are coming from- I have been married for a long time and have felt similar things- I like to keep myself fit, love going to the gym, love to dance, watch what I eat, and my husband unfortunately does not share these things with me. I didnít find him attractive for a long time, and we also donít share a lot of similar interests - I liked going out sometimes and he never wanted to. He is also a wonderful, generous and kind person and I felt guilty for not finding him attractive. I begged and pleaded with him to lose weight/ go to the gym, but he didnít: I knew I wanted more- I wanted passion. I felt terribly trapped as, if I am honest,I was too scared to leave, for many reasons, including breaking up the family and also financially. Instead of leaving I had an affair with a man who I had passion with but who did not treat me well. I am not proud of this and it has ended up only hurting me (and would devastate my husband if he knew) and making me feel even more trapped as I have not actually left the situation that was making me feel trapped in the first place but instead have to deal with the terrible guilt as well.

    I am telling you all this because you canít make anyone else change for you, and if you donít leave the situation that isnít making you happy, you could well end up seeking what is missing anyway, which will make you feel so much worse and will hurt the man you are with more, believe me.

    If you want something different, you have to do things differently. Get a job that pays the bills and gives you the confidence to know you donít depend on anyone else, still maintain your fitness, and then when you are where you want to be, you will find what you are looking for. Until then, you wonít. I really believe this is how life works.

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