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Thread: Social media competition?

  1. #31
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    Yea he tried hard since we broke up (for months) to get me to hang out with them go on day trips, to the movies, breakfast etc. It's actually extremely hurtful. He even still tried this when I saw him less than a month ago when I was in the area. I haven't given in though, I can't do it. But you can maybe see how it looks like he's not over our relationship.
    I did unfollow him for now so I just have to resist the urge to check his page. I also turned off that memory feature because it was bothering me.

  2. #32
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    You're most likely right. I've been with him since I was 18 so basically my entire adult life. I lost my job, my friends, my family (I lived with his family for 12 years), and the area I loved on top of my relationship. I am having financial troubles and I'm living in my hometown I never liked with my family who I've never gotten along with. I acknowledge these factors and I know they are contributing to me being stuck. I know there are definitely negatives with the relationship and definitely with what he did to me during the breakup and is doing still. It's just hard to accept that I will never have my old life back and I miss him constantly even after everything.

  3. 07-11-2019, 03:22 PM

  4. #33
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    Originally Posted by Geminifeed

    My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for months and I eventually moved away because it was a very bad breakup and he got into a new relationship immediately with a coworker. He continues to post things on social media aimed at me (passive aggressive, negative quotes about relationships etc) or things directly in competition to the things I post. .
    Gemini, I have just begun therapy again, and one thing I have learned in the very short time I've been going is to NOT allow passive-aggressive comments, negative quotes or snide remarks made about you or to you to effect you at all! Just ignore. If you can block them, do that.

    Let it roll off, their negativity and pettiness says way more about them than it ever could about you. And not in a good way.

  5. #34
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm going to come at this from a different angle because you seem seriously stuck. The break up happened months ago, you live four hours away, he seems negative in general but your feelings for him haven't changed. I don't feel like you've spent enough time uncovering why you're still stuck in limbo. If you don't take the time to do that homework and accept the flaws in the relationship and that it's over, you'll never find the motivation to move forward.

    I think what we might be skipping to is deleting him and most people move into the motivation to move forward part automatically after some time. You haven't even come close to that point yet. It takes time to adjust to a new reality. Go over the relationship and be real with yourself: about why things ended and what parts you had a hand in. I think you still have this person on a pedestal (you're idealizing him and what your relationship was) instead of looking at what really happened. You may also be mourning a chapter of your life that you have not recovered from.

    For example, if you're stuck financially right now due to the break up, you're continuously reliving the outcome of the break up. Being short on finances is a constant reminder of why you're in this place now. If you had to move due to the break up, your environment around you is a constant reminder of that break up and the reason for moving. I don't feel like you've owned the break up or owned all the changes that have happened since breaking up and that starts right from ground zero. You'll have to start over and do some soul searching about why you're in the place you are at right now and figure out your new life. I feel you haven't done this. That's why you're still living in a fantasy world of possibly getting back together with him and he lives with a god-like presence in your memory.
    Agree with this 100% feel it needs to be quoted.

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  7. #35
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    So I don't think I ever did this and it's kind of old school but someone once suggested (or more than one someone) -getting a stack of index cards. On each one write one thing about the relationship that was unhealthy -it can be an aspect of his behavior, how you two interacted, whether or not you had a part in it (yes, be open and honest with yourself) as Rose Mosse suggested). When you're feeling stuck just go through the stack of cards one at a time to remind yourself why it ended. Then what I would do is one thing each day -even the tiniest thing -that represents moving forward -something you only did with him but now you're going to do for yourself/by yourself or something new that he wouldn't have been so into so you kind of put it to the side. For the something new it can be as simple as watching a youtube video or reading something about the new experience or activity.

    And, commit to expanding your social circle - do let's say three things each week that does it -it might be looking up an activity to get involved in, seeing if there's a volunteer opportunity, calling an old friend, etc. Good luck!

  8. #36
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    That is actually a really great idea I will try it. Thank you so much for your suggestions and advice it really helps alot!

  9. #37
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    Originally Posted by Geminifeed
    That is actually a really great idea I will try it. Thank you so much for your suggestions and advice it really helps alot!
    I'm glad - I know that feeling of ending a long term relationship and feeling disoriented/what do I do now? I hope tomorrow is a better day.

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