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Thread: When a man withdraws...?

  1. #1

    When a man withdraws...?

    Hi there,
    I was dating this guy (as in going out on dates, getting to know each other, talking every day but not yet as girlfriend/boyfriend, taking it slow) for the past three months and everything was going great.
    Eventually, last week, he started acting off. I asked him if anything was up and he told me he wasn't feeling very well but it wasn't anything to do with me. I told him if he wanted to talk to me, he could, but he isn't the kind of person to vent or talk about his feelings very much - he told me he doesn't even talk too much about that to his guy friends, he prefers to deal with it alone. Ok, all good.
    A couple of days pass, he is still acting weird and different, less attentive, but he reassures, once again, that it was nothing to do with me. At some point, he texts me saying he wasn't feeling well still and he didn't want to come off as rude or anything to me so he would talk to me later.
    3 silent days pass and I was feeling insecure (as if he was ghosting me and I have a pretty bad story with it from my past). So I asked him if anything was up and if he wanted me to drop contact entirely, I just would like to be told so I didn't bother him again and i'd respect it. Nothing too crazy, but I understand that maybe I was being a bit too insecure. However, I needed to know so I could lick my wounds and move on, instead of waiting. A couple of hours later, he told me he still isn't in a good emotional moment and he doesn't think it's fair for me (or anyone) to talk to someone who isn't ok right now. I told him it was ok and all that but he didn't reply telling me if we would talk again eventually or not.
    The thing is, as we are not in a relationship, i don't know if I should take this as a polite rejection (I literally just wanted a very blunt one, if I could pick lol) or as what he told me? I won't reach out anymore but what should I think/do? Is it usual for guys, generally speaking, to just drop off when they aren't well? If so, for how long?
    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by antonella234
    Is it usual for guys, generally speaking, to just drop off when they aren't well? If so, for how long?
    Thank you!
    No, not at all usual... we men are big babies and we like to have someone to take care of us when we are not feeling well! He thinking it wasn't "fair" for you to talk to him because he wasn't "OK" sounds way strange. There is something he is not telling you. I would lick my wounds and move along...

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
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    Multiple accounts?

    If he wants to contact you in the future (and you are OK with that), then let him. No more reaching out asking if he's rejecting you.

    In the meantime you can meet and date other people.

  4. #4
    Thank you for your opinion. I'll try to do so, it's probably for the best anyway

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  6. #5
    ????? I just created my account today after lurking on the forum for a bit on a past break-up?

    Thanks for your opinion though. I think you're right

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think it IS about you. He's not into you enough to give you anything except some vague reason for his not wanting to hang out. Don't let him do that to you. If he were crazy about you, he'd want you around all the time.

    Move on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You've barely known one another for 3 months, you're not actually in a serious relationship but you pressure him to answer the same question 3 times in less than one week.

    I would say that's time to call it a day.

    I understand you might be insecure, but maybe it's better if you admitted to yourself that you're not in a good place to be dating at the moment.

    You should have just left this guy alone and let him sort whatever was going on, on his own for a least a week or two, then start asking whats up but even then, don't keep asking and asking.

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I think it IS about you. He's not into you enough to give you anything except some vague reason for his not wanting to hang out. Don't let him do that to you. If he were crazy about you, he'd want you around all the time.

    Move on.
    That was my initial response. As time passed, I began thinking about the million possibilities that there are but maybe it's as simple as what you had said. Thank you for the time and opinion, it hurts but it's what i need to read

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You've barely known one another for 3 months, you're not actually in a serious relationship but you pressure him to answer the same question 3 times in less than one week.

    I would say that's time to call it a day.

    I understand you might be insecure, but maybe it's better if you admitted to yourself that you're not in a good place to be dating at the moment.

    You should have just left this guy alone and let him sort whatever was going on, on his own for a least a week or two, then start asking whats up but even then, don't keep asking and asking.
    I know, I'm kicking myself for doing that but I was feeling so weirded out as he was the one who talked more about going on dates and we had such a consistent thing going on up until that point. It's done though, nothing I can do now. I won't reach out anymore, for sure. Thank you for the feedback

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    If you're still not sure where something is going after 3 months and he's making excuses to not have to interact with you, it's not going anywhere.

    People that are interested in committing and taking a relationship further do not act like this.

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