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Thread: When a man withdraws...?

  1. #11
    Originally Posted by SGH
    If you're still not sure where something is going after 3 months and he's making excuses to not have to interact with you, it's not going anywhere.

    People that are interested in committing and taking a relationship further do not act like this.
    I guess I was trying to be understanding that maybe there is actually something happening in his life. It isn't out of the realm of possibilities, I think, especially for someone who isn't very into discussing feelings and whatnot. However, you are right. If it's not meeting my needs, maybe it's time to call it a day. Thanks for the opinion

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think it's also a matter of not being compatible.

    He could very well be going through something and isn't the type to want to talk about it or share it with his partner.
    You are the opposite. You want to know what's going on and if you can help or work it out together.

    You're polar opposites. But things like this happen. When you first meet, it can seem great but only until you start seeing other sides of one another through rougher times, etc, will you truly know if you work well together for something serious, or not.

    It just sounds as though you two are very different people and it, unfortunately, wouldn't work.

  3. #13
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    Wow, another thread about a man pulling back/withdrawing after three months.

    I swear it's absolutely uncanny - the significance of this three month mark.

    I've lost count of how many times I've heard of this happening! Again, uncanny!!

    Reinvent made good points about it in a thread yesterday, and I agreed after initially thinking the guy has flat out lost interest and was fading/ghosting.

    Which no doubt happens of course, but not always.

    OP, do nothing except live your life same as before you met him.

    Leave him alone, do not contact him again.

    If, after taking his "space" (which is what he's doing), he wants to reconnect, he knows where to find you.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-09-2019 at 03:08 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you've been dumped. His method wasnt the best, but that's how it looks to me.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like this was too slow. At three months you should know where this is going. It sounds more like he got fed up that it was moving at a snail's pace and he wasn't getting any (if you know what I mean). Pardon for sounding vulgar (not intended - just being honest). If he was lukewarm about you during your dates and it moved this slow, it's likely one party was looking for one thing only. You're not on the same page.

    Lick your wounds regardless and move on. This is over. Be a bit more realistic about the timelines next time. Hope you feel better soon.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    Sorry he's not interested but dosn't have the guts to tell you that. Follow his hints, he's politely asking you to stop contacting him without saying it directly.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Katrina....when i was in the dating world (and actually dating) I was ALWAYS dumped at the 3 month mark....or the 1 year mark. 3 months mostly. That's when the newness wears off. Then again at the 1 year, when they think...hmmmm….do I see this going into marriage? I had a couple of 2 and 3years until I was married at 32.
    But 3 months is VERY COMMON! I did think the same as you tho….that this was the same girl.

    Now I can't get past 1 date....lol

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Realitynut

    Now I can't get past 1 date....lol
    Oh I am sorry to hear that! But it sounds like you're taking it all in stride, a sense of humor always helps!

    Anyway, John Gray writes about this three month mark in his Mars/Vensus series of books.

    He said it's a significant time for some people whereby one or both will need to step back and re-evaluate -- what they would like to happen, where they would like things to go moving forward.

    Do they kick it up to the next level? Do they even want to? Or do they end it? It becomes this back and forth, no straight answers either way, which is exactly what's happening now.

    John Gray calls it the "uncertainty" stage, he said in all his years of counseling, it's fairly common among men.

    This is also the time when the woman should pull back too. SHE should also be using this time to reassess, whether or not HE is the right man for her. bluecastle touched on that in a post on another thread.

    The BEST thing a woman can do when this happens is LEAVE HIM ALONE. Allow him that time to reassess, cave, whatever one wishes to call it.

    This is what John Gray advises and I've done it. I have had men do the ole "pulling back" routine too, not at three months but at various points throughout our relationship and I have learned to just leave them alone.

    They've always returned, appreciating that I left them alone and the relationship escalated to the next level.

    I am NOT suggesting this is true in every case, in fact more likely than not, he realized after three months they are not a good fit and is fading out, too cowardly to just flat out end it.

    But it's really hard to know which it is but whichever it is the best and only thing a woman can do is leave him alone anyway, do her own thing, and start re-evaluating whether a man that needs to "pull back" to figure stuff out is the right fit for her.

    Like I said, after taking his "space" and her leaving him alone to do so, IF he realizes he wants to continue on, kicking things up a notch, he knows where to find her!

    If he does, at that point, it's up to HER to decide whether or not she wants to.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-09-2019 at 05:20 PM.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Realitynut
    Katrina....when i was in the dating world (and actually dating) I was ALWAYS dumped at the 3 month mark....or the 1 year mark. 3 months mostly. That's when the newness wears off. Then again at the 1 year, when they think...hmmmm….do I see this going into marriage? I had a couple of 2 and 3years until I was married at 32.
    But 3 months is VERY COMMON! I did think the same as you tho….that this was the same girl.

    Now I can't get past 1 date....lol
    First 3 months I think most of us are taking it one date at a time. By 3 months you stop and think `this is getting real' I agree. When it starts to get real is typically when it turns a corner, one way or another.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher

    You should have just left this guy alone and let him sort whatever was going on, on his own for a least a week or two, then start asking whats up but even then, don't keep asking and asking.
    I agree with this!

    And ask only ONCE. If he gives an evasive answer, move on.

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