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Thread: Are we breakable?

  1. #1
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    Are we breakable?

    Hello everyone,

    (Been a while) (Just venting/doing a diary type of thing).

    Just sitting here alone, tonight, drinking because the memories of my past are haunting me. I do my best not to remember the face, not to remember the tone of voice, not to remember the words nor any feelings. It takes a lot to keep it in, hence the drinking. Though sometimes it helps it does not seem to be helping anymore as I start to feel everything. Everything starts to be reminiscent again like it was before.

    I've built walls all around me and I tend not to talk about personal stuff with either my colleagues nor friends as I don't believe they would understand. I apparently I appear to others as "cold" or "manly" just because I tend to be drowned in my own thoughts and not discuss a damn about my personal life. What's up with that?

    We tried to make it work, we broke up, we had the sex, we had the breakup, we had the "make-up" sex or whatever you call it, I do not know the literal slang, but after everything, it went to hell a few days after. SO NOW, 6 more days until it is a 1 year anniversary of our so called "make-up" sex. Man, I feel like it is the worst thing I have ever done, because that very same night she asked me to spend the night and I did not. My friends came by from out of town the following day, so I had to call it quits for that night. And I never saw her face ever again. Only her voice...

    If only I had stayed, which I wanted to do. Man, if only I had.. She still remains the love of my life. 6 days until it is 365 days of feeling like this. This darkness cannot remain inside of me. It is stopping me from feeling joy, happiness and fullfilness. I have met a lot of girls in the mean time who were great, soft, caring and beautiful. I just don't feel any of it and I see no end to it. SO how do I stop it? How do I not feel breakable when I am not? I can only be breakable if I let someone in which I am not about to do, which I want to do because I have to get on with my life.

    I do not want any advice. Just want to hear a similar experience from someone going through a similar thing, if anyone is out there.
    Last edited by Unguided; 07-09-2019 at 01:57 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Unguided
    I do not want any advice. Just want to hear a similar experience from someone going through a similar thing, if anyone is out there.
    In September it will be 2 years since my exwife dissolved our lives together and became the Queen of Tinder... 6 months since her final message.

    The physical pain and mental torture has subsided. I still think about her every day. I still miss her. I still have dreams starring her as the lead actress...The trauma ran deep. There were numerous suicide attempts. I spent over $10,000 on my recovery!

    In the meantime I have built a good life for myself...In summary, I’m a good man leading a great life who just misses his exwife, that’s all*

    As for you, even if you had of stayed that night, the breakup would still have happened. You may have delayed it a little but chances are it would still have happened...so don’t beat yourself up too much about that one yeh?

    Work towards acceptance whilst building a life that is good. You don’t have to be ecstatically happy every day, just good.

    Give to the planet. Give to others.

    ‘Building’ takes time and effort*

    Be grateful every day for the things you DO have:
    Are you in jail?
    Are you in hospital?
    Are you in a war zone?
    Are you in South Sudan living in squalor?

    And yes, alcohol will make things worse, not better.

    I just had a fresh orange and pineapple juice :)

    One day at a time. One step at a time, and the sun will shine again for you*

    Carus*

  3. #3
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    Advice is based on experiences. Just think about it. Right now there are thousands of people that are going thru heartbreak today. Some are going thru it for the first time, others have been there before. Some will recover quickly, others will take years to stand back up. But every one has to face the reality of a few things. Acceptance the end of the relationship regardless of reason and acceptance of the current moment and know life does move on.
    Im not offering advice.. but I would tell someone in your situation that they have to stop looking for a replacement for their X and quit looking for someone to project that love onto them.

  4. #4
    Silver Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by No1
    .. but I would tell someone in your situation that they have to stop looking for a replacement for their X and quit looking for someone to project that love onto them.
    While true, this is much easier said than done.

    I lost a man who was very important to me 2 3/4 years ago, he died of a sudden heart attack on his way to see me and never arrived. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm still waiting for him. So not quite the same situation as a break-up but I do wonder what I might have done differently the time before, which was the last time I saw him. I know nothing I could have done would have changed it and it wasn't my fault, but even these almost-three years later I'm still looking for him. I look at friends of friends on Facebook, for example, or see someone at the grocery store who resembles him and I feel like I gravitate towards them in some way, maybe say hi or simply make eye contact . . . I imagine that their personality is like his or that their voice is the same as his or that they would look at me in the same way or treat me similarly to what he did. But it's not him, it's never him. I know it from the get-go, but my heart doesn't quite know it yet. I doubt the realization will come all at once; I'm sure it's a process. One day I'll realize I just figured it out and can move on and know that it's over and will never happen with him again, and hopefully move on with someone else . . . but still honor the memories.

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