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Thread: In the hospital, got dumped right after leg surgery, in severe pain, alone

  1. #1
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    In the hospital, got dumped right after leg surgery, in severe pain, alone

    Hi,

    I didn't know where it would be relevant to post this, so I thought I'd do so here. I'm a 25 year old girl and I feel absolutely miserable right now. I was on a trip June 22-23 and broke my leg abroad. They gave me a cast in the hospital there and told me I needed surgery as soon as I got back to my home country. In my home country, June 24th, they told me my bones were aligned and I maybe didn't need surgery afterall. A few days later, I slipped in my apartment (I live alone) and accidentally put all my weight in my broken leg. It moved the bones in a bad day, they found out on Monday. Tuesday I had surgery. They put a long plate and 8 screws in my ankle. Yesterday the excruciating pain kicked in. Yesterday I also got dumped.

    My boyfriend, a year older than me, and I had been going out on and off, long distance, he lives in a country not far away. We dated from march to june last year, he broke up with me. We dated again from september to december last year, he came back and we gave it another shot. Then we dated again from february to now. Things seemed to be going great for us in the last 5 months, up until I got my accident. In march my grandmother died (I'm an orphan and my two grandparents from my mother's side are the only family I have, now I only have grandpa left), I was devastated. He was kind and caring and loving and helped me get through it, in april he came to see me and it went great, we were very loving and affectionate with one another. We had planned a trip next month in nature, just the two of us, so we could enjoy each other's company, and now I feel horrible about it, had to cancel it as I can no longer walk.

    Things got weird when I got my accident. Around the same time, he got a sinus infection. I became needy in the last two weeks, I could feel him getting cold and distant, I really needed affection because I'm basically crippled now for at least 6 weeks and previously having been really active and into sports it is debilitating for me to go through this. I expressed to him that I needed him, more than ever, to be there for me emotionally, that things suck right now, and I need to be told that things will be fine, and I'm loved, cared for and not alone.

    Yesterday, we talked on the phone for 3 hours, and he told me he couldn't see himself with me long term, that he couldn't see himself potentially living with me, or with anyone for that matter, and even though he might regret this, it is easier short term for him to break up with me and date someone else. I told him goodbye in tears and told him I loved him very much and I'd miss hil greatly, and to take care, and then I removed his contact details not to be tempted to beg him to come back.

    I feel awful and now I'm crying in my hospital bed, in both physical and emotional pain, thinking how I'm going to get home in a few hours after my surgery on crutches with a cab. I feel heartbroken.

    tl;dr: Boyfriend dumped me the day after surgery while in the hospital because he couldn't see himself with me long term.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    BB* - Is that you? If so thank you for all your help with me last year. Youíre a gem*

    Sorry to hear about your recent trials. Your ex - What a rat! Thereís never going to be a Ďgoodí time to break up but sheesh, some times would certainly be better than others!

    It feels like all the losses and hard things are coming up at once and thatís because, well, they are....

    So this is what I want you to do right now: Youíre going to have to just get plenty of rest through this. You donít have to be out there achieving great things right now...that will come later*

    Is there someone who can help you with food shopping and cleaning in the next week or so?

    So thatís the practical stuff. Emotionally - Oh Hunni, what can I say. Just cry when you need to. Then, when that subsides, ask yourself ĎOk what do I need to do going forward. For the next day, the next week...í

    And for the love of Spirit, please donít take the rat back when he comes calling otherwise patterns will repeat*

    Rest up yeh. We want that leg to heal properly...and that heart*

    ((Hugs))

    Carus*

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry to hear that he left you in a time of vulnerability and pain. I can only hope that through the enormous physical and emotional suffering, you realize what kind of person this man is.

    If you let yourself be a revolving door every few months, he will come back and use you for emotional support or for whatever else he pleases. Stable and healthy relationships do not stop and start the way you have described. Recognize that you deserve better than a person who will only participate in your life part-time when it's convenient for them. I promise you that if he does come back around, it will be the same old song and dance.

    Please steel yourself and go no contact. Yes, that means if (when) he calls again, looking for you to take him back, you so not pick up the phone. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do, but I think cutting this guy off is absolutely essential for your health and happiness.

    Good luck and I hope you have a speedy recovery!

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    Originally Posted by SGH
    Please steel yourself and go no contact. Yes, that means if (when) he calls again, looking for you to take him back, you so not pick up the phone. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do, but I think cutting this guy off is absolutely essential for your health and happiness.
    I agree with all of this.

    I completely understand that it hurts that he left now, OP, but this guy was not serious about you if he bouncing in and out of your life like this. In the end, it will be better that he is gone so you don't waste more time and energy on a dead-end.

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    Oh ouch. I feel for you. I wish you a speedy recovery from your surgery.

    Yes, I agree with SGH and MissCanuck. He is certainly not good for you if he floats in and out of your life. It won't do you any good and he will waste your life away if you are hanging on to the hope that he will change his mind someday. Time is priceless so do not give it away to someone who is not worthy of your time.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    How are you going to manage at home alone for the next several weeks? Is it possible for you to go to a rehab facility until you can drive again?

    The fact that he abandoned you in your time of need shows his true character. Let yourself heal both physically and emotionally. You're lucky to have him out of your life.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I agree with all of this.

    I completely understand that it hurts that he left now, OP, but this guy was not serious about you if he bouncing in and out of your life like this. In the end, it will be better that he is gone so you don't waste more time and energy on a dead-end.
    I agree with this.

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    Thank you all so much for your support, it means the world to me. I am going to focus on my PT exercises as soon as the pain from the surgery gets better. I am now 2 days post-surgery, I take opioids for pain management and the surgeon said the pain would lessen after about 3-7 days. So right now I'm just coping with the pain and opioid-induced nausea and not doing much. I ordered some groceries online and will hopefully get them tomorrow. I do have one close friend, and I'm hoping he can help me get my prescription renewed at the pharmacy because I only have pain meds for the next 4 days. I also have to start working remote on monday since I've taken quite a few days off of work now. My coworkers sent me flowers and I cried.

    I'm not going to reach out to my ex. Part of me wonders, will he ever regret what he did and reach out? I really hope I won't hear from him because I have a lot of bad feelings right now. I still miss him and love him but I'm hurt and very upset that he'd do this at this time.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bumblebee
    Thank you all so much for your support, it means the world to me. I am going to focus on my PT exercises as soon as the pain from the surgery gets better. I am now 2 days post-surgery, I take opioids for pain management and the surgeon said the pain would lessen after about 3-7 days. So right now I'm just coping with the pain and opioid-induced nausea and not doing much. I ordered some groceries online and will hopefully get them tomorrow. I do have one close friend, and I'm hoping he can help me get my prescription renewed at the pharmacy because I only have pain meds for the next 4 days. I also have to start working remote on monday since I've taken quite a few days off of work now. My coworkers sent me flowers and I cried.

    I'm not going to reach out to my ex. Part of me wonders, will he ever regret what he did and reach out? I really hope I won't hear from him because I have a lot of bad feelings right now. I still miss him and love him but I'm hurt and very upset that he'd do this at this time.
    Just keep in mind that not everyone regrets in the same way or for the same reasons. His "regret" in the past was likely heavily focused on himself and how he felt being alone. Also, he may reach out, but it may not be indicative of regret at all, as he may just view coming in and out of your life as he pleases acceptable at this point.

    Be very wary of reading anything into future attempts of contact from this guy. Strict NC where you stonewall him entirely and don't expose yourself to information about his life is really the way to go.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wish you a speedy recovery. Good you are focusing on PT, managing and other people who care. He may regret that he didn't reach out, but what does that tell you about him? The only thing worse than a fair weather friend is a fair weather partner.
    Originally Posted by bumblebee
    My coworkers sent me flowers and I cried. I'm hurt and very upset that he'd do this at this time.

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