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Thread: The letter you'll never read

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2016

    The letter you'll never read

    Dear Husband,
    I miss you. I miss your good mornings and good nights. I miss how you used to kiss me and make me french toast on Sundays. I wish I could get one last "I love you" and know that you mean it. I wish I could tell my friends and family how blessed I am that you choose me. I'll forever long for the man you once were to me. And I'll never be the same for what you've done.

    This woman loved you through your worst. She sacrificed her career and moved away from family to a location that better suited you. She made excuses for you when she was consistently neglected and so badly didn't want to give up on you. She spent countless nights crying herself to sleep after a long day of doing your laundry and errands because she thought you'd see how well she could take care of you.

    None of it mattered. You invited another woman into our marriage and lost sight of the vows you took. The vows I thought you meant. I hope she was worth it. I hope the feelings for her were so justified to break your wife forever. I hope by doing what you thought was best for you was worth the pain you've caused.

    I really thought, I was a woman that many men would feel lucky to have by their side. But now I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore.

    The woman you broke

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    You're sentiments are so common that there is a thread for it: Post here instead of contacting your ex!
    [Register to see the link]

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    I'm really sorry that you are feeling this poorly. But I have to be honest with you. From an outsider's perspective in reading your other posts- Assuming that everything you said was truthful (as I assume it was)- then IMVHO- your marriage never seemed that strong to me. It seems like you kept wishing for him to be someone that he is not and then grew resentful of that. It seems like you always had different love languages and didn't prioritize the same things. In other things you wrote, it seems that overall he seems incredibly narcissistic and that he didn't really care about your feelings all that much. I say this not to be cruel, but because I don't know that it's healthy for you to be overly mournful of something that did not even seem to make you very happy. You kept hoping your marriage would be something that is wasn't in reality. And I'm not judging you, I understand because I have been there-that was my first marriage to a T.

    I'm confused, are you divorced or getting divorced?

    Please please PLEASE be kinder to yourself. You may be devastated, sad, disappointed and feel betrayed. I understand that. But PLEASE do NOT (and I get it, because I did this, too) devalue yourself or your worth. He is ONE person. He doesn't define your worth or worthiness of being loved. You are STILL a woman some man would be and feel lucky to have by his side. Your husband's poor choices do NOT change that. Try as best you can, not to think about what YOU might have done differently. If someone wants to cheat, they will- period. Nothing you did or didn't do would have changed that. Errands and laundry aside.

    It's healthy and normal to mourn the loss of what was or mourn that your marriage was an illusion of what you thought it was or what you thought it could be. But Please for your own sake- DO NOT get mired down in "forever-isms". It's so sad to me when women say stuff like " I'll never recover", " I'm forever broken", etc. because to STAY in this place is an unhealthy choice. Pain is something that happens to you. Choosing to continue suffering is a CHOICE. Please do not fall into this trap. He is ONE person on a planet full of people. Do not hold your own self esteem and future happiness hostage to "prove a point". It never works, anyway. Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

    I know it may be hard to see now, but you WILL get thru this. Do NOT hold yourself back from potential future happiness worrying about/thinking about someone who cared so little for you and your feelings. Take this moment, live in it- give yourself permission to grieve. Just don't stay stuck.

    I've been there and I get it. I wish you all the best in your healing process. Feel free to PM me if you need further support <3 - It WILL get better, even if you can't see it now.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    "I'm confused, are you divorced or getting divorced?" - Redswim

    Me too.


  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    So well written and so sad 😞 I hope you get through it.
    Remember it is not your fault, it is him and his selfish mind.
    You are perfect, he is at fault. No matter what his reasoning is he chose to lay with this person.
    He is in a fog, he isnít thinking rationally. But he chose to do it.
    Never accept anything else.
    You need to communicate rationally with him, he has to accept this.
    If he comes back remember he will never really be 100% trustworthy.

    Please take it one day at a time. Read 180 and start breaking from him.

    Good luck

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