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Thread: Understanding what he did?

  1. #1

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    Understanding what he did?

    I donít understand how someone could be so cruel. How, in May he tells me that heís a ****ed up person, he just wants to be left alone. Heís a ****ty person, and Iím over here worried ****less about this guy because I cared about him deeply, and I wanted to make sure that he was okay. I wanted to make sure that if he needed anything, that he could always just ask me because Iím there for you and I know what itís like to be going through whatever it is and not have someone there.

    So I was there. This happened like 3rd/4th week of May. In that very same week, he then tells me how he wants nothing to do with me and my emotions, and honestly yíall. I was at first heartbroken (still am, but wait thereís more) Iím upset and hurt at this guy because I just like showed to you how much I care about you, how much I would be there for you, but then you want to tell me that you want nothing to do with me nor nothing to do with my emotions, and then Iím just like ďfine, you know what, bet!Ē But truthfully that week of May and hitting June have been hard for me because I didnít understand what I did to this guy besides showed that I cared.

    So Iím here heartbroken, begging my Gods and Goddesses to remove this pain because I couldnít deal anymore. I couldnít deal with that kind of heart and then having my friends say my eyes are screaming that they are hurt, and then breaking down into tears.

    Then last week he wants to come back, and me with my always giving people chances self took him back, and he wants to act as if he didnít say those things and do those things. I honestly just cracked, and then I ask him why does he keep coming in and out of my life constantly, why does he keep doing that if he doesnít want to stick around? Like why come back for the 4th/5th time.

    (No this wasnít the first time, but this being the most recent made me just lose it and something in me just broke)

    And then he wants to tell me how ďoh, youíre always texting and bothering meĒ thatís because I have all of these questions on why you treat me like this and how he likes to say ďoh, I didnít do anything wrong to you, at least I didnít **** you and then ghostedĒ and how he likes to say that he walks with God and whatever

    And Iím here like whenever I do something wrong or make a mistake towards you, I have to take responsibility for it but the minute I say you did this that hurt me, you tell me you didnít do anything wrong. You tell me how you see nothing wrong with what you did and when I call you out on what you do to me, itís an issue. But if the tables were turned, Iíll have to take responsibility so ****ing fast like, and then he blocked me and itís like

    How the **** can someone say that they didnít do anything to hurt you. Guys, I canít. My heart is breaking, and it hurts so much that I tried to express that and he refuses to see that, he refuses to see that itís because of what he did and said to me in May.

    After all I did was cared about him deeply and be there for him, and tried to understand him. This is what he does?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. It sounds quite incompatible and unstable. On/off relationships are a roller coaster from hell. You need to get off. It's not his job to disembark you from this hell ride, it's yours. You need to reflect on what you want and decide if allowing him in and out of your life on his whim is right for you. Stop texting him. Pull way back from this chaos and emotional turmoil

    Stop and think. He can not rescue you from loneliness or boredom or offer an escape from any other issues in your life. Never try to fix anyone or wish and hope they change. Positioning yourself in any sort of martyr or victim role will not make you feel good in the long run and people will not respect you or be endeared to you. Most victim /martyr stances are seen as "clingy" or controlling, not helpful or altruistic. Take your life by the reins and steer it where you want it you go.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by vintagewine
    he tells me that heís a ****ed up person, he just wants to be left alone. Heís a ****ty person,
    When people tell you who they are, listen to them. It really is that simple. The fact that you treat him well does not mean that he will treat you well.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    When people tell you who they are, listen to them. It really is that simple. The fact that you treat him well does not mean that he will treat you well.
    Ditto all of the above.

    Keep this guy out of your life, and don't let people treat you like this in the future.

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  6. #5
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    Why would you take someone back before discussing past issues?

    It sounds like you took him back (which suggests acceptance of the past) but then afterwards tried to discuss the past?

    Why does he come in and out of your life constantly?
    Because you allow him to.

    If you had discussed the issues prior to taking him back you would have found out earlier and the first time he broke up with you that he simply isnít interested in discussing.
    Meaning itís a case of take it or leave it.

    So leave it. Delete and block then there is no coming back.

  7. #6
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    Keep writing your anger out. Keep a journal and just vent in it and write and write. Draft messages you'd like to send him, keep them on file (never send).

    Go no contact - inform him it's done, he's made clear to you where you stand and it's over. Ask him not to contact you again. Mean it.

    Repeat to yourself that this will never change and he is not the one for you. Write in the journal. Write here. Vent. But never contact him again.

    Anyone who tells you that you are "always texting and bothering them" and that they "want nothing to do with you and your emotions." Does NOT CARE ABOUT YOU, end of story. He wants to get with you once in awhile when it suits him and his ego, but please do not ever give this loser another minute of your time.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Why would you let him come back five times? Get some respect for yourself! Making yourself an indispensable doormat for this guy is not the move. He knows he can literally do whatever he wants and that you'll still be there. Wake up.

  9. #8

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    Guys, I just want to cry. I am so beyond hurt that he sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he did.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Who cares what he sees? He isn't living your experience. He also isn't forcing you to continously allow the crappy behavior. You took him back repeatedly and whether you realized it or not, you communicated to him that his behavior was acceptable. Develop higher standards for yourself and your relationships - meaning forget this man and his BS.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by vintagewine
    Guys, I just want to cry. I am so beyond hurt that he sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he did.
    It's ok that you feel that way, but you're not going to change anything. You need to detach from people like this and avoid them in the future. Unless you enjoy misery, which some certainly do.

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