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Thread: Understanding what he did?

  1. #11
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    I went back to my ex a few times. He treated me badly.

    When I asked him about it, crying, he told me "you know what I'm like and you keep coming back. I figured you like being treated that way."

    Hard to argue with that.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Just know this . . someone who habitually doesn't take responsibility for their actions doesn't wake up one day and change.
    It's typically a character flaw that is hard cast in to their personality.

    Have some comfort, if there is any, that this isn't about you getting through to him anymore.
    This IS how he is ~ and you don't want him anymore.
    Be relieved by his absence and free yourself up for someone who genuinely cares.

  3. #13
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    vintage, you keep asking why does he keep doing this?

    I will give you my honest answer -- because he's a sociopath (in every sense of the word) and I don't use that word lightly.

    He has zero conscience (clearly!), wreaks emotional havoc on whomever he encounters and will continue to do so as long as they (in this case you) allow it.

    My goodness, this man's behavior is absolutely despicable! A total mind fu**! Yet you keep going back, why? Because you care? What about YOU, do you care about yourself?

    I am going to give some advice, I hope you follow it. These guys who come off as being damaged, confused, messed up or whatever, stay away from them!

    I know it's hard, woman are the caring nurturers, we want to help, make everything okay, FIX him, right? Make everything "all better," awww poor baby. I'm here for you. Ugh!

    And as such, we make the big mistake of believing that if we care enough, love them enough, are "there" for them enough, we will be rewarded with their love and undying devotion forever and ever.

    NOT! All that love and caring you're giving him? He will eventually resent you for it, even "hate" you for it, why? Because it's suffocating to him, stifling to him.

    It also goes against all the feelings he has about himself. Specifically, the hatred he feels towards himself.

    Do not feel sorry for him and do not try and "save" him, I cannot emphasize this enough. Trust me, he will not appreciate it as I'm sure you're realizing now.

    I can almost guarantee you the woman he falls hard for will be the woman who DOES NOT care, gives him very little attention, she may even deem him unworthy.

    Because that is the vision he has of himself - unworthy. And the woman who does NOT care jives with that vision.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-09-2019 at 08:25 PM.

  4. #14
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    OP.. you sound desperate or he is desperate or you are both desperate. You want to understand why he does these things to you? I have a very simple answer for you..
    Because you allow him to.
    That's it. It doesn't matter what he says, what he does, how badly he treats you or how great he can treat you. The reason why you are in pain is because you allowed this to happen. And as long as you keep that door open, he is going to continue to come on in. I know this because I was like this guy. I would tell a girl the exact same thing(s) as he told you and I would be amazed on how a girl would gladly accept me back. What that meant to me was. I could treat her like dirt all I want as long as I tell her what she wants to hear.
    If you want a break down as to exactly why, then you will never get your answer. It could be one of many reasons. You are desperate, you can be lonely, he can be your first, the sex is that good, he is a jerk, he is selfish, you have low self esteem, he keeps you by making you want to do things for him. No matter what reason you choose, it doesn't matter. He treats you like dirt because you allow him to.
    I can tell you that there is no way you can make him change. You don't have the power to. He doesn't respect you so why do you think he wants to listen to you? Yes Im being harsh, but you have to understand that he does not want to be in a relationship with you. So you have the power and the choice on your happiness. If you want to feel this way all the time then keep him in your life. If you don't want to feel this way again, then you purge him from your life. That is how you "win". You cant make him feel bad, you cant make him cry, you cant make him miss you. You have to be the one to stand up and say no more because he is not going to do it for you.
    Your choice.

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