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Thread: 26 and never had a relationship

  1. #1

    26 and never had a relationship

    So I'm 26 years old and I've never even been on a date let alone been in a relationship, I am still a virgin and I've never even kissed a guy. Growing up, I lived in a very strict and complicated household and I wasn't really allowed to talk to boys so I never really had the chance to form any relationships in my teens.

    I finally got my freedom when I hit around 20 but by that point my self-esteem had hit the floor and, although since then I've become so much more confident within myself, I'm still struggling to meet anyone. Guys are just never interested in me and even when I've actively shown interest I've always been rejected. I might not be the prettiest girl but I'm beginning to think I'm so ugly, no one could ever want me.

    Everyone I know has had some kind of relationship before, but I have had literally nothing, my love life is completely non-existent and I don't know what to do anymore. Any thoughts/advice??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What do you mean by "when I show interest"? How do you express that? Hopefully you are not only on some quality dating apps but also involved in groups, clubs, classes, courses volunteering and other activities to bring you together with people.

    You don't need to be a beauty queen, but you do need to smile, be approachable and put yourself out there. Do you live at home? Do you work/enjoy your job? How is your social life otherwise? If you are self conscious about your looks, get in shape, wear nice clothes and and get tips on makeup hair etc. Make sure your profile on dating apps includes clear recent flattering photos and an upbeat profile.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Build your self confidence first. Whether male or female, nothing is more attractive than self confidence.

    I agree with Wiseman2 and everything he said.

    I was similar to you once. I hailed from a strict, sheltered home life. I never dated nor had a boyfriend throughout high school AND college. I was very busy working my way through school while financially supporting my widowed my mother and younger siblings. I didn't have time.

    Not only did I not have time, I didn't think anyone would be interested in me. Therefore, I simply concentrated on my career ascension. Eventually, my world became new to me. I entered a new social life, met new people and eventually my husband. It turns out, all the men in my sphere were doing the same thing. They were too busy succeeding and we were all late to the party so to speak but we had finally arrived.

    My country MIL (mother-in-law)'s favorite quote is: "While everyone was busy sloshing around in the milk, the cream rose to the top!" It's so true. After you concentrate on yourself and prosper, you will enter a whole new world you never even knew ever existed!

    My husband introduced me to all of his wonderful friends. None of them were the home town loser boys from where I came from. They were cool, hip, sophisticated and very kind.

    My advice is to work on yourself and focus on success. Then it's bees to honey and you'll be pushing through an open door.

  4. #4
    Thanks for your response! I do already do a lot of these things, I'm currently in my final year of university and I live in a house with 3 other students. I'm in a lot of clubs and groups at uni and I meet new people quite regularly through this and my job. My social life is actually pretty busy and I'm always doing something, going to the bar, the beach, clubbing, I'm usually quite chatty and I feel like I'm quite good at talking to people. I already focus on my looks a lot (i.e. clothes, makeup, hair, etc., to the point where I spend too much $$$) and I think that's why I feel frustrated that nothing seems to go right for me.

    Sorry if this is coming off as defensive, I think you're right, it's just hard to identify what I need to work on when I feel like I already put myself out there so much but I guess as Cherylyn says it might be my self-confidence that's holding me back. And maybe I'm not working as hard on myself as I think I am. You've given me a lot to think about, thank you! :)

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  6. #5
    Also @ Cherylyn thank you for your advice! It's also nice to know I'm not the only one who has been through this. Everyone around me has had so much experience that I forget that I'm allowed to take my time. I know it won't be easy but I guess I do need to focus on myself more

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by anon1234579
    Thanks for your response! I do already do a lot of these things, I'm currently in my final year of university and I live in a house with 3 other students. I'm in a lot of clubs and groups at uni and I meet new people quite regularly through this and my job. My social life is actually pretty busy and I'm always doing something, going to the bar, the beach, clubbing, I'm usually quite chatty and I feel like I'm quite good at talking to people. I already focus on my looks a lot (i.e. clothes, makeup, hair, etc., to the point where I spend too much $$$) and I think that's why I feel frustrated that nothing seems to go right for me.

    Sorry if this is coming off as defensive, I think you're right, it's just hard to identify what I need to work on when I feel like I already put myself out there so much but I guess as Cherylyn says it might be my self-confidence that's holding me back. And maybe I'm not working as hard on myself as I think I am. You've given me a lot to think about, thank you! :)
    Focusing on looks means working out and maintaining a healthy weight, not buying expensive clothes and wearing makeup. Just say.

    Do you make the first step? Don't always expect guys to make the first step. Are you approachable?

    Generally, it's a mistake to believe that there is something wrong with you because you didn't have a boyfriend or guys don't approach you.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by dias
    Focusing on looks means working out and maintaining a healthy weight, not buying expensive clothes and wearing makeup. Just say.

    Do you make the first step? Don't always expect guys to make the first step. Are you approachable?

    Generally, it's a mistake to believe that there is something wrong with you because you didn't have a boyfriend or guys don't approach you.
    I won't lie, I don't work out, but I'm not overweight, I'm a US 8 and I'm quite confident in my body tbh.

    I have sometimes made the first step but generally they will not be interested or they will be more interested in my friends. I think I'm approachable but maybe not enough? idk

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by anon1234579
    Thanks for your response! I do already do a lot of these things, I'm currently in my final year of university and I live in a house with 3 other students. I'm in a lot of clubs and groups at uni and I meet new people quite regularly through this and my job. My social life is actually pretty busy and I'm always doing something, going to the bar, the beach, clubbing, I'm usually quite chatty and I feel like I'm quite good at talking to people. I already focus on my looks a lot (i.e. clothes, makeup, hair, etc., to the point where I spend too much $$$) and I think that's why I feel frustrated that nothing seems to go right for me.

    Sorry if this is coming off as defensive, I think you're right, it's just hard to identify what I need to work on when I feel like I already put myself out there so much but I guess as Cherylyn says it might be my self-confidence that's holding me back. And maybe I'm not working as hard on myself as I think I am. You've given me a lot to think about, thank you! :)
    So if thatís the case itís time to give you some raw and honest advice.

    Are you attempting to date in your league? Or are you going after unobtainable men as a barrier, so you dont actually have to take that risk and itís their fault?

    You donít have a sign around your neck that says Ďvirginí so letís dig deep and figure out what exactly is going on here, this is fixable, you know how to dress and youre social etc. so thatís not the problem, what is?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Wrong crowd. You're in a totally wrong crowd. At your age anyway not many people are looking for anything serious and those that claim to be might change their minds. Just chill out and relax a bit more. You come across as a bit hard up and overly focused on what others think about you. Let go of all that make up and don't spend so much money on clothes etc. Your self-confidence is low and it's getting lower and lower from the sounds of it.

    Enjoy yourself just the way you are and stop hanging around other people (young women in particular) whom you feel you have to compete with in unhealthy ways. You're a lot more than that and I think you're undermining yourself. Have a little dignity and don't be afraid to stand alone or do your own thing now and then. Get out of that whole mindset where you're living according to someone else's standards.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So if thatís the case itís time to give you some raw and honest advice.

    Are you attempting to date in your league? Or are you going after unobtainable men as a barrier, so you dont actually have to take that risk and itís their fault?

    You donít have a sign around your neck that says Ďvirginí so letís dig deep and figure out what exactly is going on here, this is fixable, you know how to dress and youre social etc. so thatís not the problem, what is?
    I don't think I do? I actually get really awkward and nervous around really good looking guys and will probably run away lol but I'm never been fussy in terms of who I go for, as it's generally always been personality that is most important to me; I generally like chilled laid-back guys that make me laugh, my standards aren't that high, especially at this point.

    I honestly don't know what the problem is :( I am trying but it's not really seeming to get me anywhere.

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