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Thread: 26 and never had a relationship

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by anon1234579
    I don't think I do? I actually get really awkward and nervous around really good looking guys and will probably run away lol but I'm never been fussy in terms of who I go for, as it's generally always been personality that is most important to me; I generally like chilled laid-back guys that make me laugh, my standards aren't that high, especially at this point.

    I honestly don't know what the problem is :( I am trying but it's not really seeming to get me anywhere.
    You lack confidence. The guys who have the confidence are going to be looking for the same. The guys who also lack it like yourself are surely out there... but since they lack confidence as well how are you to find them? You may have to really put yourself out there for a while before you find someone and things click. How long have you been trying? (I mean actively trying, not just sitting around shy and hoping a guy falls in your lap) How many guys do you approach a week?

  2. #12
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Wrong crowd. You're in a totally wrong crowd. At your age anyway not many people are looking for anything serious and those that claim to be might change their minds. Just chill out and relax a bit more. You come across as a bit hard up and overly focused on what others think about you. Let go of all that make up and don't spend so much money on clothes etc. Your self-confidence is low and it's getting lower and lower from the sounds of it.

    Enjoy yourself just the way you are and stop hanging around other people (young women in particular) whom you feel you have to compete with in unhealthy ways. You're a lot more than that and I think you're undermining yourself. Have a little dignity and don't be afraid to stand alone or do your own thing now and then. Get out of that whole mindset where you're living according to someone else's standards.
    I know plenty of people my age and even younger that are in serious relationships, some of them are married and/or have kids so I don't think that's really the issue. But I do agree that I need to try and change my mindset, it just gets hard sometimes, with all the couples around me, I feel very lonely, barely any of my close friends are single anymore. I don't feel like I'm in competition with them, I just feel a little left behind, and I can't relate to their experiences of being in a relationship.

    And you are right, I am a little obsessive over what people think of me, I know I need to work more on my insecurities and self-esteem but I guess it's gonna be a process.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    What has online dating been like for you?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by anon1234579
    I know plenty of people my age and even younger that are in serious relationships, some of them are married and/or have kids so I don't think that's really the issue. But I do agree that I need to try and change my mindset, it just gets hard sometimes, with all the couples around me, I feel very lonely, barely any of my close friends are single anymore. I don't feel like I'm in competition with them, I just feel a little left behind, and I can't relate to their experiences of being in a relationship.

    And you are right, I am a little obsessive over what people think of me, I know I need to work more on my insecurities and self-esteem but I guess it's gonna be a process.
    Every single person at your age feels this way - and there are more like you than you think. Having been kissed/had sex isn't always a milestone for everyone. For many, those experiences are mostly awkward and not good. Or they get stuck in a bad marriage. Or have suffered from heartbreak from their relationships which makes it hard for them to find love again. In some respects you have the advantage - though there's no need to compare your life to others in this way. We all have our own timeline.

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  6. #15
    Originally Posted by saluk
    You lack confidence. The guys who have the confidence are going to be looking for the same. The guys who also lack it like yourself are surely out there... but since they lack confidence as well how are you to find them? You may have to really put yourself out there for a while before you find someone and things click. How long have you been trying? (I mean actively trying, not just sitting around shy and hoping a guy falls in your lap) How many guys do you approach a week?
    I can't really put a number to how many guys I approach a week as I don't exactly have a quota, I will generally just approach them when the opportunity presents itself. I would say I've been actively trying the past 3 years or so. Before that, I never really tried because, as you said, I was hoping a guy would just fall into my lap.

    When I realised that wasn't going to happen, I began putting myself out there more. It was hard at first and I really had to take baby steps because it was very out of my comfort zone but my confidence in general did grow through trying even though nothing worked out. I even went through a period of really not caring what anyone else thinks and just focused on myself but it didn't really last. I feel like I'm just getting older and older and nothing is changing and I'm scared of hitting 30 and being in the same position.

    I will try what you said and put myself out there even more, and hope for the best :)

  7. #16
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    What has online dating been like for you?
    I generally use tinder, but I don't get a huge amount of matches and with the ones that do if I message first they usually don't reply and a lot of the guys that message me first are a little creepy. BUT I do think I self-sabotage with online dating a little because I get really anxious when messaging in case we hit it off and they wanna go on a date but they're disappointed when they see me in person

  8. #17
    Originally Posted by saluk
    Every single person at your age feels this way - and there are more like you than you think. Having been kissed/had sex isn't always a milestone for everyone. For many, those experiences are mostly awkward and not good. Or they get stuck in a bad marriage. Or have suffered from heartbreak from their relationships which makes it hard for them to find love again. In some respects you have the advantage - though there's no need to compare your life to others in this way. We all have our own timeline.
    Thank you, somewhere in my brain the common sense is jumping out and agrees, I guess I just need to keep reminding myself to be patient and let things happen. Maybe I'm trying too hard.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by anon1234579
    I generally use tinder, but I don't get a huge amount of matches and with the ones that do if I message first they usually don't reply and a lot of the guys that message me first are a little creepy. BUT I do think I self-sabotage with online dating a little because I get really anxious when messaging in case we hit it off and they wanna go on a date but they're disappointed when they see me in person
    Why are they going to be disappointed ? Do you have clear photos? Don't stress so much about what other people think. In any case, if they like your photos on tinder they will probably like you in real life too. Plus, dating is a numbers game.

    At least you have some matches :) The last time i tried i had 0 matches lol

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by anon1234579
    I generally use tinder, but I don't get a huge amount of matches and with the ones that do if I message first they usually don't reply and a lot of the guys that message me first are a little creepy. BUT I do think I self-sabotage with online dating a little because I get really anxious when messaging in case we hit it off and they wanna go on a date but they're disappointed when they see me in person
    Please get off tinder.

    Itís not an entry level site, youíd be a sitting , I do question why of all the dating sites thatís the one you chose and that you admit to allowing your anxiety to sabotage, I think itís happening more than you think...

    Try a more vanilla dating site just to dip your feet in. Take the risk, your first date isnít going to just bam be your soul mate, get used to meeting men and dating, baby steps, itís a marathon not a sprint.

  11. #20

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    Anon, I completely understand how you feel. I am around your age and have not yet had a relationship. I understand how personal this subject must be to you. I used to think the same things about myself, but I have learned through the wisdom of others two important things: there is no standard timeline for relationships and you cannot force anything to happen.

    I also understand that it may be tempting to compromise things you can never recover in efforts to enter a relationship, as I have been tempted to do so. I urge you not to fall into this trap; it can have long-term consequences. Have you considered using this time of singleness to develop yourself? Is there a way you can get involved in the community and serve others? Youíll meet new people while giving back.

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