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Thread: What do I do ?

  1. #1

    What do I do ?

    Hey guys🙂
    So my ex boyfriend got a new Instagram and he send me a message saying ďhappy Fourth of JulyĒ. Itís been about 8 months that we havenít talked what so ever. My old self would of replied in a heart beat. I feel like I have grown such as being able to maintain my feelings and just doing whatís best for me. I just canít deny that my feelings for him havenít changed at all and I know Iím dumb for that! It just sucks how my heart would want to reply but my mind said no itís going to end well. I keep following my mind but itís hurts. I donít know how to explain it, after everything he has done to me how could I possible still have a happy reaction for seeing him on my messages.. maybe Iím just thinking to much into it.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    The past you would have done it because you were attached. You can still be attached but be smart about this. It's really best to stay silent, life goes on and you have to show self respect.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Depending on how long or intense your relationship was, 8 months is really not a long time to be split up. Especially not if he left you and you were still in love. It took me a good few years to be over one specific ex completely. By that I mean, I was completely fine as long, as I didnít hear from him or know what he was up to. As soon as I heard from him (at the time I didnít know much about nc) it sent me back to questioning his motives for every single thing he would throw my way. I learned that not exposing myself physically and digitally was the absolute best thing I did for myself.

    If you havenít already, block him from everything so you wonít be exposed to these little signs he throws your way. Chances are heís over it and thought to send a friendly greeting with not much thought behind it. Iíve been guilty of this myself. Reaching out to an ex, thinking enough time had passed to be on friendly terms again, only to realize that person is reading way more into it.

    If you were completely moved on then of course thereíd be no issue to send a quick happy 4th back, but it sounds like youíre perhaps hoping itís a door that might slowly open again. Do yourself the favor and donít respond. Block his new Instagram and keep healing.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Be careful not to take the bait, after all, he cheated, lied and refused to work while you were with him. Either way, it sounds like the well went dry, and he's on the hunt.

    Try to set your standards at a higher level, and keep moving forward.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Don't beat yourself up for how you feel. Emotions are just that - emotions. As you pointed out, how you feel does not have to dictate how you act moving forward.

    It's always exciting to hear from an ex no matter how things ended or how they treated you. However, you need to stick to your guns and stay away from this guy. It's always a huge red flag that someone hasn't changed at all if they attempt to press the reset button and casually waltz back into your life post doing major damage. Really, you may even start to feel angry when you consider his audacity of attempting to contact you with a flippant message. Realize that if he truly loved you and wanted reconciliation that this is not how he would be approaching you.

  7. 07-08-2019, 11:01 PM

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's great you are overriding emotion with intellect in this case. All you can do is delete and block him from all social media and messaging apps, so there are no unwanted surprises or intrusions. Also it helps you stop clinging onto hope that one of these days he'll message wanting to get back together. He should not have access to any of your social life because by now you should be out there dating, posting all sorts of fun pics, sharing that with real friends, etc.
    Originally Posted by cristina2011
    So my ex boyfriend got a new Instagram and he send me a message saying ďhappy Fourth of JulyĒ. I just canít deny that my feelings for him havenít changed at all.

  9. #7
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    You already know this, but it's good that you're writing here instead of writing him. "Happy fourth of July," is not a declaration of love, and most likely means absolutely nothing to him compared with what it means to you.

    It takes time to get over someone. Give yourself that time. Yes, you're thinking too much into it - just because you feel something doesn't change the realities. You've done well being out of touch for 8 months. It's pretty annoying that he wrote to you after all that time, but it's good for you to stay grounded and unemotional about this and to continue with not contacting him.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    This isn't a rhetorical question (clarifying because for whatever reason I have yet to see a poster answer it)-

    What would you gain by being in touch with him?

  11. #9
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RainyCoast
    This isn't a rhetorical question (clarifying because for whatever reason I have yet to see a poster answer it)-

    What would you gain by being in touch with him?
    Actually, OP's question was simply, what should she do? And I think most of the above have indeed answered that. She should continue no contact, and continue healing. In my opinion, OP was more or less venting that she wishes she didn't still have feelings for him, because she knows that it is a dead end.

    Those are natural feelings even many months after a breakup. They will pass, unless contact resumes.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    Wth?? Lol

    Yeah people might want to provide meaningful answers based on OP's particular feelings on something. It's also entirely new to me that 6 people giving their opinion means the subject is closed for further discussion lol, but great job contributing to making the thread pointless to remain open.

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