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Thread: I Am Not Meant To Be In A Relationship

  1. #1
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    I Am Not Meant To Be In A Relationship

    Hey guys, apologies for burdening you all again with my issues, but after much thought, I finally realize I am not meant to be in a relationship.

    Oh I am capable of deep love that’s not the issue. I just think I am too selfish, I need too much time on my own to pursue my own dreams, my own interests, my own goals.

    I know many of you believe that if you truly love someone, you should compromise on your dreams, or even give up altogether, and there was a time I might have even agreed, but I don’t anymore.

    What’s happening currently is that I have decided to go to law school. I just registered for the LSAT (Law School Admission Test) being given in September. Right now I am in the process of obtaining all my transcripts, letters of recommendation etc for when I start applying to law schools.

    At first my bf was happy, fully supportive until he found out I was dead serious. I am not sure what he was thinking before I registered, that I wasn’t serious? Just another dream, a frivolous pursuit.

    He did the same thing re the contract job I was considering accepting in London. At first, he was all for it! Fully supportive. Till I actually went over there to learn more about it at which point he pulled back and withdrew, realizing I was serious about it. As it turned out, it wouldn’t have been the right fit for me, so I declined the final offer. After that, he was back to being happy, attentive, etc and we patched it up.

    Anyway, this post was not meant to criticize him so much, he wants what he wants, he needs what he needs. So do I! So I can't really fault him for what he wants and needs, now can I.

    And apparently it’s not a girlfriend whose goals don’t coincide with his need to have me “there” whenever he needs me there. And I DO NOT like this “withdrawing” act that he pulls. I realize this is his way of coping, but still, it’s not something I wish to deal with anymore.

    My ex was the same.

    So perhaps I am growing out of this phase of being attracted to dominant men. I don’t know but at this point, don’t actually care.

    Per my previous thread I have my heart set on becoming a criminal defense attorney specializing in representing the innocent, preventing the injustice done to them by a totally corrupt system whereby prosecutors will lie, harass, abuse in order to secure a confession, even a false one if necessary. And to ultimately secure a conviction, even when they KNOW the person to be innocent.

    I am being perfectly serious when I say this - I happen to know what goes on in our City’s District Attorney’s office, which have many assistant D.A.’s fleeing to work on the defense side.

    Anyway, I am so excited about this! But also sad because I realize it will mean the end of my relationship. But I have weighed the two and concluded becoming an attorney means more.

    Lately, I have been waking up in the middle of the night, shaking, feeling extremely anxious. I even cried last night. I didn’t know why until I finally realized I am simply not cut out to be in a serious committed relationship, and I think this is OKAY. At least for me, right now.

    Perhaps I will change my mind, not ruling it out, but for now I feel comfort in this decision and pursuing my goal. It will be a difficult three years because I plan to work too, at night.

    But I am totally up for it!

    Anyway, not looking for any advice per se, or even approval, just wanted to update y’all who have been following my threads.

    If you want to chime in with thoughts, that's cool too.

    Thanks for listening!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I am so excited for you!! You would be the perfect lawyer.

    Honestly, I don't think it's you who's not cut out for a relationship, it's your boyfriend. He's not secure enough in himself to allow you to follow your dreams and support and love you just the same.

    It might be partially as well that you won't have time to commit to a relationship right now what with school and pursuing your goals...and that's OKAY.

    Your chance to make a life right now in doing what you want to be doing for a career is now. You would regret it if you didn't go for it.

    I think it's fantastic and I am sincerely excited for you. A relationship is nice too, of course, but right now it just doesn't sound like the right time.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    What exactly does this "withdrawing act" entail?

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I am so excited for you!! You would be the perfect lawyer.

    Honestly, I don't think it's you who's not cut out for a relationship, it's your boyfriend. He's not secure enough in himself to allow you to follow your dreams and support and love you just the same.

    It might be partially as well that you won't have time to commit to a relationship right now what with school and pursuing your goals...and that's OKAY.

    You're chance to make a life right now in doing what you want to be doing for a career is now. You would regret it if you didn't go for it.

    I think it's fantastic and I am sincerely excited for you. A relationship is nice too, of course, but right now it just doesn't sound like the right time.
    OMG, thank you for saying this Sherry! It means so much to have that support ((HUGS)!

    Frankly I wasn't sure what the response would be and there still may be some who will criticize me for this decision, which is okay too.

    Thank you again my friend. :)))

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    What exactly does this "withdrawing act" entail?
    Not wanting to see me or speak with me.

    Like I said, perhaps he just needs the space or perhaps he's pissed off, or temporarily lost interest, who knows.

    It's become a pattern whenever I make a decision about my life he doesn't agree with.

    This thread isn't really about him though, it's about me and my conclusion that I am not meant to be in a relationship, at least not at this time.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    ((HUGS)) back, Kat.

    You're going to be a great lawyer! :) I really do mean that.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    First off: Congrats on law school! What an awesome thing to be pursuing—and, from past threads, certainly sounds like the right path.

    As for the other stuff? You'll navigate it all as you need to, but I don't see any reason to see this as evidence that you're not "meant to be in a relationship." Perhaps not the relationship you're currently in, as it sounds like there are more reasons than this to at least entertain the notion that you two might not be compatible.

    Most of my friends, men and women, are aggressive, uncompromising chasers of dreams—a few of them in the world of law, as it happens. And most of them have partners, so whimsy and ambition are hardly impediments to relationships. Heck, speaking for myself I need both in a woman.

    Anyhow, I'm really happy for you, is the point. You deserve whatever it is that gives you goosebumps—and a person alongside you who gets that and who gets as excited about your own goosebumps as the ones you give him.

  9. #8
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    Thanks bc, you could be right. And like I said, it could also be I have grown, evolved and simply no longer interested in the type of men I have been previously -- the more dominant types, like my current and my ex and even men in between and prior to.

    That is possible too. I need a different type of man. But for now, after I end my relationship, which I am NOT looking forward to, I plan to not date and focus only on my goal. Studying hard, and becoming the best lawyer I can be.

    Anyway, thank you for your support! :)

  10. #9
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    Your sort of over-reacting a little bit. You will probably end up with another Lawyer. Similar minds and paths.

    But Congrats none the less!

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Support is a fluid thing. It is almost never 100% 24/7. People have to process.

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