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Thread: I Am Not Meant To Be In A Relationship

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Support is a fluid thing. It is almost never 100% 24/7. People have to process.
    I realize that S, what troubles me is that he's fully supportive, or pretends to be, but then when he realizes I am serious, he withdraws his support - in fact he withdraws his whole self!

    This isn't right, I used to overlook it, but it appears I am changing, and this type of (give support/take it away) is not something I want in my life anymore.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I know many of you believe that if you truly love someone, you should compromise on your dreams, or even give up altogether, and there was a time I might have even agreed, but I donít anymore.
    If you truly love someone, you will help them to achieve their dreams in whatever way you can. My boss is married to a lawyer. He's a pretty high up manager at a tech company and she still makes more money than him. But they are both achieving their dreams, side by side, hand in hand.

    You sound very ambitious - good luck on your next chapter. You've totally got this.

    I've got to say, your dream of defending the innocent from within a corrupt system is very *chef's kiss*. I hope it works out!

  3. #13
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think you're perfectly capable of being in a relationship, but not right now, and probably not with him. You have a lot on your plate, and your future is going to be hectic and demanding, so it's probably a good idea to concentrate on your career.

    It's not his fault that he wants you by his side and he pouts when you talk about leaving for greener fields; however, it's not what you want, and I think your upcoming life wouldn't be a good fit for him. I'm sure it will be hard on you both to end it.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    If you truly love someone, you will help them to achieve their dreams in whatever way you can. My boss is married to a lawyer. He's a pretty high up manager at a tech company and she still makes more money than him. But they are both achieving their dreams, side by side, hand in hand.

    You sound very ambitious - good luck on your next chapter. You've totally got this.

    I've got to say, your dream of defending the innocent from within a corrupt system is very *chef's kiss*. I hope it works out!
    I agree and thanks saluk. Yeah I've become pretty ambitious especially in wanting to help defend the innocent from a corrupt system.

    I would also like to become a part of The Innocence Project someday but heck I am totally getting ahead of myself.

    First things first. LSAT, then getting into a reputable law school, working hard, getting good grades and then finding a good job!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Thanks bc, you could be right. And like I said, it could also be I have grown, evolved and simply no longer interested in the type of men I have been previously -- the more dominant types, like my current and my ex and even men in between and prior to.

    That is possible too. I need a different type of man. But for now, after I end my relationship, which I am NOT looking forward to, I plan to not date and focus only on my goal. Studying hard, and becoming the best lawyer I can be.

    Anyway, thank you for your support! :)
    There could be a lot to this.

    Granted you and I aren't lunch buddies or anything for me to have sufficiently picked at your mind, but from what I gather in your posts, you kinda like the idea of this unicorn of a new-age old-fashioned man willing to be assertive and take the lead in all the right ways while respecting you having your hands on the reins on matters such as your professional development when it could and would heavily impact your relationship dynamic. In reality, if you're completely serious about a guy who's 100% on-board with you making bold and committed moves to advance your career and making it a sustained focal point of your life, you're kinda gonna need just a pinch of that cliche rom-com guy who's already home in his sweatpants already unwound and making dinner when the struggling professional lady comes home late from her job.

    Obviously that doesn't mean you gotta settle for the part-time substitute teacher who wears thick-brimmed glasses and has a good heart but who's going to complain you're not "spontaneous" enough for him. But it may be worth it in your dating process, even if the guy likes or prefers to take the lead, to interject with your own influence and see how positively he reacts or goes with it. And preferably sooner than later. Is he self-conscious about you paying for half the bill on the first date? Or playing it more conservatively, does he reject or get put off by you following through on your offer to get him back on the second date? So long as you're being reasonable in keeping his tastes and interests in mind, how does he respond to your suggestions of a restaurant or movie? Basically, how does he respond to you being an equal? I get and fully sympathize that it's not as sexy, and you obviously don't wanna be that "I have a job too, you know" chick when the guy's just trying to be nice with the bill. But I think it's important for women now more than ever, and especially for those who are very career-minded, to consider it an audition both for romance and partnership.

  7. #16
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    Iím so excited for you Kat! I love that you have a goal and are going after it. Also, from lurking here and reading all of your responses, I think youíre going to be a fantastic lawyer.

    Itís always a mystery to me how some people (friends, family, partners) can be so supportive of something until itís actually ďrealĒ and in front of them. Iíve dealt with it a lot in various large decisions Iíve made and I commend that you are able to recognize what you need and where youíre at at this point in your life!

    I echo what everyone else has said, I think you are 100% cut out to be in a relationship. You need someone who is secure enough to rally for you and give you support through big decisions like this.

    Congratulations on this journey!

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    There could be a lot to this.

    Granted you and I aren't lunch buddies or anything for me to have sufficiently picked at your mind, but from what I gather in your posts, you kinda like the idea of this unicorn of a new-age old-fashioned man willing to be assertive and take the lead in all the right ways while respecting you having your hands on the reins on matters such as your professional development when it could and would heavily impact your relationship dynamic. In reality, if you're completely serious about a guy who's 100% on-board with you making bold and committed moves to advance your career and making it a sustained focal point of your life, you're kinda gonna need just a pinch of that cliche rom-com guy who's already home in his sweatpants already unwound and making dinner when the struggling professional lady comes home late from her job.

    Obviously that doesn't mean you gotta settle for the part-time substitute teacher who wears thick-brimmed glasses and has a good heart but who's going to complain you're not "spontaneous" enough for him. But it may be worth it in your dating process, even if the guy likes or prefers to take the lead, to interject with your own influence and see how positively he reacts or goes with it. And preferably sooner than later. Is he self-conscious about you paying for half the bill on the first date? Or playing it more conservatively, does he reject or get put off by you following through on your offer to get him back on the second date? So long as you're being reasonable in keeping his tastes and interests in mind, how does he respond to your suggestions of a restaurant or movie? Basically, how does he respond to you being an equal? I get and fully sympathize that it's not as sexy, and you obviously don't wanna be that "I have a job too, you know" chick when the guy's just trying to be nice with the bill. But I think it's important for women now more than ever, and especially for those who are very career-minded, to consider it an audition both for romance and partnership.
    Thanks for your response j.man but perhaps you missed the title of this thread and its premise.

    I am not looking for any type of man right now, not the "guy who's 100% on-board with me making bold and committed moves to advance my career and making it a sustained focal point of my life," or a guy who can accept me as his equal, or any type of man.

    I am content with the notion that I am not meant to be in any relationship at all, at least not right now, nor do I want to be.

    I am 100% focused on me. If that changes and I decide to pursue a relationship later, after I have completed law school and found a good job, then I suspect I will discover myself becoming attracted to a different type of man, different from the type of man I have been attracted to in the past.

    Right now I have no idea who that is, nor do I care to find out, which is okay too. My life isn't wrapped up with finding a man, now, or possibly ever.

    I realize that may sound odd to some, especially men, but it's truly how I feel.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    Iím so excited for you Kat! I love that you have a goal and are going after it. Also, from lurking here and reading all of your responses, I think youíre going to be a fantastic lawyer.

    Itís always a mystery to me how some people (friends, family, partners) can be so supportive of something until itís actually ďrealĒ and in front of them. Iíve dealt with it a lot in various large decisions Iíve made and I commend that you are able to recognize what you need and where youíre at at this point in your life!

    I echo what everyone else has said, I think you are 100% cut out to be in a relationship. You need someone who is secure enough to rally for you and give you support through big decisions like this.

    Congratulations on this journey!
    To the extent that she would get what she wants he supports it. To the extent that what she wants interferes with what he wants, he doesn't. There is often a disconnect between these two desires, at least until that interference is actually imminent.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    To the extent that she would get what she wants he supports it. To the extent that what she wants interferes with what he wants, he doesn't. There is often a disconnect between these two desires, at least until that interference is actually imminent.
    Thanks saluk, this makes a lot of sense!

  11. #20
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    My thoughts are: I think you can and will be in a relationship in the future with the right man who knows how to have a fair, respectful and unselfish relationship with you.

    You've been in relationships with the wrong type of men.

    As you broaden your horizons and social circle, you will meet a new crop of men who differ from your exes.

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