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Thread: Guy freaked out about exclusivity,then sent mixed signal, what do i do from here

  1. #21
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    He's an inept communicator. He cuts you off before giving you a chance to ask questions, presumes what you're going to ask and manipulates the conversation. Then he gets what he wants by refusing to answer your presumed question which is quite selfish of him.

    Next, he jumps to conclusions when he sees you with his co-worker, awkwardly recoils when you hugged him and storms off in a huff like a spoiled little child.

    As a side note, keep in mind, some people prefer to keep their personal life such as dating / relationships private as opposed to displays of public affection especially in front of colleagues. Some people whether male or female prefer to be discreet. There are times when you need to respect a person's preferences especially in public with colleagues.

    It sounds as if both of you are getting your wires crossed. Have a frank discussion with him minus any distractions.

    He's a high maintenance guy and you have to walk on eggshells in order to date and have a relationship with him.

    I doubt he'll reach out and discuss the root of the problem which is his poor communication style. Reach out to him and if communicating with this guy proves to be too taxing, then ask yourself if he is the one for you or not. Proceed from there.
    All. Of. This.

    I was actually about to say something similar. It's such a headache reading your post because first off, he's refusing to let you ask him a question. (What the actual f?), then you are forced to jump to conclusions about why (e.g. "oh, he must have thought I was going to ask for exclusivity, oh noes!") Then the passive-aggressive exchange on both your parts after the festival and all the having to read minds here.... it's all over the place. Just ask what you want to ask. Be straightforward. If he has an issue with you being with a guy, he needs to address that like a grown up. Otherwise you are both wasting each others' time.

  2. #22
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by leseine7
    All. Of. This.

    I was actually about to say something similar. It's such a headache reading your post because first off, he's refusing to let you ask him a question. (What the actual f?), then you are forced to jump to conclusions about why (e.g. "oh, he must have thought I was going to ask for exclusivity, oh noes!") Then the passive-aggressive exchange on both your parts after the festival and all the having to read minds here.... it's all over the place. Just ask what you want to ask. Be straightforward. If he has an issue with you being with a guy, he needs to address that like a grown up. Otherwise you are both wasting each others' time.
    I was actually coming to YOUR defense. Stop putting up with all his crap and let him go. You deserve a guy who is a an honorable, humble, gracious, very moral man with sincere intentions.

  3. #23
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I was actually coming to YOUR defense. Stop putting up with all his crap and let him go. You deserve a guy who is a an honorable, humble, gracious, very moral man with sincere intentions.
    I think we both were coming to OP's defence here, Cheryl. Just making sure my reply wasn't taken incorrectly! In complete agreement with what you said in your posts which is why I quoted you above.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    I'll be frank. Someone may have already pointed this out, but I think the whole telling him about the coworker messaging you was a ploy to get him to step up. You were hoping he would lock it down if he felt someone else was after you. Clearly, he didn't respond the way you hoped he would.

    Let it go. If he cares, he'll make the effort. It's extremely doubtful at this point, though.
    Agree. If it wasn't, you would have just told his coworker "sorry, i am seeing someone" and you don't even have to say who it was.

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  6. #25
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    Thanks all for the responses! appreciate it. For his coworker, I did tell him I wasn't interested and that I was seeing someone and he countered with " that's okay we can just be friends" and continued to text me.. That's why I was wanting to bring it up who I was seeing specifically, hoping he'd be a little more respectful given it was his coworker. Regardless though, he did reach out to me after a few days - we've been chatting and its been good but based on what I think as well as the responses I think im just going to have to have a frank face to face with him, and if he's not willing to do that, or says he's not ready then that's that and at least ill know without having to guess and read minds. 3 months is enough time as everyone has said to at least have an idea or where you stand

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Taralynnski
    Thanks all for the responses! appreciate it. For his coworker, I did tell him I wasn't interested and that I was seeing someone and he countered with " that's okay we can just be friends" and continued to text me.. That's why I was wanting to bring it up who I was seeing specifically, hoping he'd be a little more respectful given it was his coworker. Regardless though, he did reach out to me after a few days - we've been chatting and its been good but based on what I think as well as the responses I think im just going to have to have a frank face to face with him, and if he's not willing to do that, or says he's not ready then that's that and at least ill know without having to guess and read minds. 3 months is enough time as everyone has said to at least have an idea or where you stand
    I understand your strategy, but I think it would be simplest for all involved if you did something like Cherylyn suggested. Be clear with the guy that YOU don't want to date HIM. Period. Then adjust your politeness according to his persistence thereafter.

    If you tell him it's because you're dating his coworker, he will probably wait around until that relationship falls apart (which will probably be fairly soon, given what you've posted about it thus far (sorry)). Then you'll have Mr. Annoying all over your ass because he thinks he's next in line. And he will know when it's his turn because he works with your current guy.

    Really not a good move to use the strategy you propose.

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