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Thread: Guy freaked out about exclusivity,then sent mixed signal, what do i do from here

  1. #11
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    You're in bed and sleeping together yet you can't even bring up exclusivity. Sigh.


    It's time to move on.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    You should not reach out to him, you should pull back entirely. If he reaches out, make it clear that a conversation needs to take place. If he does not reach out at all, just let him go.

    Sounds like he wants "someone" in his life, but don't get used for sex only. Why was he at the festival without you? Running into him there randomly is awkward.

    Put yourself in the drivers seat this time round, don't let him dictate everything. There has to be give and take.

  3. #13
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    Thanks all for the opnions. Much appreciated. Just to clarify when he ran into me I was with my own coworker, not his, but it is HIS colleague who keeps texting me. His colleague keeps texting me even though ive made it clear im not interested in dating him and thought perhaps being honest that I was seeing his colleague would get him off my back without having to be rude and ghost. As it is someone he works with and involves his work life I didn't want to overstep and do that without checking with him first bu from how things transpired I might have been to gracious even assuming that.

    He was good to me previously and did talk about doing things together in the future.. But I really do think as all of you agreed that he thought I was brining up exclusivity and freaked right out. At this point do you think the right move is for me to wait a few days then tell him how I was confused by his reaction to the conversation at his house, and then how he reacted and texted me afterwards when he saw me out, or given the fact that he made it clear he didn't want to be exclusive should I wait for him to reach out? As inappropriate as I thought it was I do have a little sympathy for the fact that sending me a text like he did might have been somewhat embarrassing the day after so would like to close the loop, whatever ending that brings

  4. #14
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    If he has made it clear he does not want to be exclusive, why would you reach out and start chasing him?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'll ask again: What do you want? Maybe if you know the answer to that you won't find this all so confusing.

    As for the colleague? Honestly, whatever. You can shut that down a zillion different ways before having to tell him about this guy. You stop texting with him, for instance, meaning you stop responding. Typically sends a strong message. You tell him you're seeing someone and are not interested—also a strong message. Point being, if you are not interested in him, have no led him on, there shouldn't even be a concern of being "rude" or "ghosting" since there is nothing there. As you're describing it right now, it sounds like you're kind of allowing drama to flourish where there is no need to be.

    Which, in ways, seems like what you're verging on doing with the guy you're dating. Once you know what you want, for real, it's easy to step in the right direction without all the smoke and mirrors.

  7. #16
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    Why do you want a guy that is unwilling to be exclusive with you despite sleeping with you? What's the point.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I'll be frank. Someone may have already pointed this out, but I think the whole telling him about the coworker messaging you was a ploy to get him to step up. You were hoping he would lock it down if he felt someone else was after you. Clearly, he didn't respond the way you hoped he would.

    Let it go. If he cares, he'll make the effort. It's extremely doubtful at this point, though.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are looking for a bf & he is looking for a f**k buddy.
    I wouldnt contact him again

  10. #19
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Taralynnski
    Thanks all for the opnions. Much appreciated. Just to clarify when he ran into me I was with my own coworker, not his, but it is HIS colleague who keeps texting me. His colleague keeps texting me even though ive made it clear im not interested in dating him and thought perhaps being honest that I was seeing his colleague would get him off my back without having to be rude and ghost. As it is someone he works with and involves his work life I didn't want to overstep and do that without checking with him first bu from how things transpired I might have been to gracious even assuming that.

    He was good to me previously and did talk about doing things together in the future.. But I really do think as all of you agreed that he thought I was brining up exclusivity and freaked right out. At this point do you think the right move is for me to wait a few days then tell him how I was confused by his reaction to the conversation at his house, and then how he reacted and texted me afterwards when he saw me out, or given the fact that he made it clear he didn't want to be exclusive should I wait for him to reach out? As inappropriate as I thought it was I do have a little sympathy for the fact that sending me a text like he did might have been somewhat embarrassing the day after so would like to close the loop, whatever ending that brings
    I wouldn't wait for him to reach out. Tell him in person though and not via text, email, messenger or voicemail. In person is best. Ask him not to interrupt you and to give you the courtesy to explain exactly what you were going to ask him and ensure him that you are very, very clear with him.

    Since your colleague is relentless with texting you, give him very polite, fair warning by texting him, "Thank you for asking but I will politely decline dating you." Leave it at that. If he continues to hound you, then text this: "I've already politely declined. If you do not cease texting me regarding this matter, I will no longer reply to your texts. If you do not honor and comply with my request, I will block you. I am giving you fair, nice warning." If he pesters you some more via text, then block him. Give people chances to correct their behavior and if they don't take heed, then it's time to get drastic in order for them to take you seriously and finally get your message crystal clearly.

    I wouldn't mention to your colleague that you're seeing his colleague. You don't want gossip at your and your other colleague's expense. Maintain a separate life between your professional and personal life. Exercise discretion always.

    The guy you're dating panicked and jumped to conclusions when you said you needed to ask him something. At the same time, it was wrong of him to be so presumptuous and accusatory. Have a thorough, non-rushed, calm, unemotional conversation at his house. Maintain self control and don't explode in anger no matter what. Put a lid on your temper and never allow differences to escalate.

    Have a mature discussion so there are no misunderstandings whatsoever. No guessing games for both of you.

  11. #20
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    ^ that's way too much effort. The guy obviously doesn't want to be exclusive. He is showing with actions he wants to be a free agent.

    Lol "exploding with anger"... Way to turn it around and censor her behaviour.

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