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Thread: Am I getting ghosted? Should I say something?

  1. #11
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    I would not bother texting him anything anymore, least of all asking him if he is done, or telling him you are done.

    I mean, what's the point, it's already done via what he told you last Friday, and his silence since, which speaks volumes!

    As such, there is no need to tell him you're done, except to elicit some sort of a reaction.

    Don't do it.

    Ghosting? Fading? Who cares.

    He's no longer interested, for whatever reason, and no I would not give anything more time, consider it over, start meeting and dating other men and move on.

    I'm sorry.

  2. #12
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    Agree with Katrina...

    People fall out of attraction for so many reasons...and they will tell you none of them. lol

    That's just how dating is. An actual relationship is communication, and the will to want to work on something....but dating is just flaky feelings on a whim for some people. There's no need for an uncomfortable conversation telling someone else they weren't good enough for whatever reason.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lilymelrosa
    You're right. I just wanted to ask him if he is done with me so I could move on easier, as right now it feels like I'm just sitting and waiting and I can't do anything because this has been weighting in my mind.
    We did not define anything for the past three months. He always called our outings "dates", but nothing specific. We were just getting to know each other as we had spoken about feeling like it's important to know the person before putting labels. I felt secure up until that point, yes
    Thanks for the input
    Wanna know the secret to moving on easier OP? Don't attach your actions to the thoughts and feelings of another person, especially someone you have only known for 3 months. In other words, don't wait around for him to decide where he wants the relationship to go... if it isn't going the way you want it to, if he isn't treating you the way you want to be treated, make the decision to move on for yourself.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Why does it matter his reasons for being distant? You don't want to date someone who keeps you guessing about their interest. Don't reach out. He either met someone he wanted to get more serious with or he's decided he doesn't want to move forward with you.

    I wish more people understood that when someone really likes you and wants to date you, it's obvious. If you're scratching your head trying to figure them out, it's usually not a good sign.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    In my experience there are 3 milestones in dating -

    After the first 3 months, you've either gelled or you haven't. You decide if this is something that has legs or it's run it's course.
    After 6 months you step back and reconsider whether you are in this for the long haul.
    And after one year, you hopefully know this person well enough and are both on the same page to continue on indefinitely. (what ever that may be)
    I noticed this a long time ago and also noticed the shift at these intervals, 3 and 6 months and of course, one year. The 3 month one was always the most obvious. There is often a pause when someone including myself, steps back to reevaluate.

    Try to not let it rattle you and just keep busy with your life in the meantime.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    In my experience there are 3 milestones in dating -

    After the first 3 months, you've either gelled or you haven't. You decide if this is something that has legs or it's run it's course.
    After 6 months you step back and reconsider whether you are in this for the long haul.
    And after one year, you hopefully know this person well enough and are both on the same page to continue on indefinitely. (what ever that may be)
    I noticed this a long time ago and also noticed the shift at these intervals, 3 and 6 months and of course, one year.

    The 3 month one was always the most obvious. There is often a pause when someone including myself, steps back to reevaluate.

    Try to not let it rattle you and just keep busy with your life in the meantime.


    Some very good points here^. Which, being in a relationship for 1.5 years, I had forgotten about, thanks reinvent for reminding me. :)

    So I am going to modify my earlier post.

    I don't know why but there is something about that three month mark that causes anxiety in some people and they "pull back."

    To reevaluate, decide where they want things to go, whatever. It's called ambivalence and it does not have to mean "the end." Just a stepping back to reevaluate.

    Your actions now are crucial to the outcome. If you become needy and clingy, seeking reassurance etc. you push him away further, perhaps for good.

    If you leave him alone, give him the space to figure stuff out, and simply live your life, do your own thing, you send him the message you are a strong girl who won't fall to pieces if it ends.

    This alleviates some of the pressure he is most likely feeling, and may bring him closer to you. Wanting to kick things up a notch.

    If you act insecure, needy, clingy, asking questions, seeking reassurance, you push him further out.

    John Gray writes all about this "uncertainty/ambivalent" stage in his books. What it means and how to react to it, for both men and women. It's quite common actually.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-08-2019 at 02:49 PM.

  8. #17
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    Yes me too. And as my friends wife said years ago - at two months of dating itís nothing yet - I mean unless thereís a commitment conversation. I really donít like labeling people as ghosts simply because they donít say specific magic words. Silence is lack of interest and he expressed lukewarm interest in keeping in touch. Give yourself closure.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like it never got to the exclusive dating stage so he may be meeting/talking to others. Just pull back and don't pursue. You may never know what really happened.
    Originally Posted by lilymelrosa
    three months ago. We hit it off so well that we started going out semi-regularly and talking every single day ever since.

  10. #19
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    In my experience, even if things picked back up again after the "pull back," what resulted was an incessant round of "on and off" before one of us (usually me, if I was the one hoping for things to be ON) got hurt.

    No matter what happens, generally speaking when someone pulls back this hard it's the end of the road and you'd do yourself a favour by accepting this is not going to work and moving on.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    The line you wrote - ďI didnít call them dates, he did and I went with it!Ē is so telling itís not even funny.

    Why are you on tinder trying to backdoor your way into a Relationship? You could easily get on a more relationship oriented site and state your boundaries and expectations and actually get a man who wants to be a relationship.

    Why are you give away all your power and waiting to be chosen instead of doing the choosing?

    I would not reach out, he asked for space and itís apparently triggering some anxiety and insecurities in you but that has nothing to do with him. Itís only been a couple of days youíve only been dating for a few months. I agree with blue, we donít know whatís in his head and we donít know if heís ghosting you, what we do know is this was a semi casual/maybe getting serious very Grey situation and you arenít cut out for it, so when/if he reaches back out, state your boundaries state your dating goals, you want a relationship clearly, own that, if heís not on the same page, itís your gain because you would have been wasting your time trying to backdoor your way into a relationship with a guy who never made that an option.

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