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Thread: Dealing a double heartbreak.

  1. #1

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    Dealing a double heartbreak.

    So I'm here to vent out and share my emotions when I realized I dont really have anyone that I can really lean upon and share my problems. I do have friends but yeah currently they are busy with their lives and we dont talk that much these days and i moved out to a new place. It just struck me that I am alone. It hurts.

    So I met a guy online, Mr A. I met him once and we had a good and normal meet up but i was feeling super giddy. I really liked him. After so long I genuinely liked this guy. Reason, I think is the fact we could talk about any topic and his way of asking random questions were fun. He just wasnt a boring guy. He was always the type doesnt reply fast and he has told me that he isnt finding for a relationship even thought we were both flirting with eachother all the time and yet continued to always talk random topics. I knew that but i dont know at what point I let my feelings deepen. It was almost like the fact he was playing hard to get made me think about him more. So i confessed and he said the same thing of not wanting a relationship and would prefer me as a good friend which I couldnt internalize.

    I decided to walk away for some months and he was just saying how i should be taking time for myself. So fast forward 3 months, i started talking back to him on social media and after 1 or 2 weeks of talking and catching up, he decided to come see me. I wasnt expecting that but okay. I would say i still like him and realized how much I enjoy talking to him and thats what made me to talk back to him. I also felt that I wasnt good at handling rejections and immediately pushed him out of my life because he only wanted to be a friend. So i decided I want him to be in my life as a friend, only as a friend. So when we met for the second time, it was nice and I was super relaxed and comfortable and feeling confident and i didnt feel giddy and nervous like the first time. So there was a couples of things he did during the meetup that I found was weird, the fact that he was so comfortable with me that he slid my cup of coffee to his side and started drinking from that. One more thing was when we went for another cafe, he switched glasses with me since his glass of water finished but there was already a jug of water on the table to fill your own glasses. I felt it was weird he had to switch glasses. So after that, at one point he filled up both the glasses, and before we left he told me to drink my water which initially his glass which was weird. I just jokingly told him you dont to tell me what to do. So then after the meetup, he didnt really reply much and i too tried my best not to reply to him as much as i wanted and sort of went mia eventhough he was active on instagram.

    This meetup sort of triggered something in me. the thing is i like him!

    After the meetup, we didnt text much. He replied one of my messages like after 2 days and told me he has alot of ideas and topics to discuss but he doesnt have the time. I just told him that hey its okay dude, reply when you have got the time.

    I was hurt but I obviously didnt want to show it. He is also very much not emotionally available as well.
    So my doubt arised to why did he have to do gestures like that when he already told me that he prefers to see me as a good friend after i confessed to him earlier??

    I felt really stupid and hurt. I have self esteem issues of like maybe im not pretty enough for this guy. I would consider him a good looking guy, one of the most good looking i know. I have options besides him but I dont find my options to be as interesting or as handsome as this guy is.

    I have a feeling he is just messing with my feelings and seeing my reactions. Im like a pit stop for him. I honestly wanted it to be platonic. He didnt ever have to do weird gestures like that trigger me like that.

    I am trying to heal but its difficult. I have tried looking at the situation in a positive way but i just feel he is messing with me. I also felt maybe I have issue of attachment and letting go but again why did he have to do all that? doesnt that just look disrespectful?

    Whats your opnion about this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long ago did you meet? Did you only have these 2 meet-ups? He has already mentioned he only sees you as a friend. Get on some dating apps and find local single men who are interested in dating you. Leave this guy alone, he doesn't seem interested.

    You may need help discerning who is interested and who isn't.
    Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"?:[Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by lilo93
    -I met a guy online
    -I met him once
    -he was just saying how i should be taking time for myself.
    -he only wanted to be a friend. So i decided I want him to be in my life as a friend, only as a friend.
    -we met for the second time
    -after the meetup, he didnt really reply much

  3. #3

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    I get that.

    He isnt interested. I get that. I wanted a friendship then he should have left it as it is, a friendship. Not give weird hints.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There is no need to interpret "weird hints" when his lack of interest is this straight forward and obvious. Get on dating apps and start messaging and meeting men who are in fact interested and make that clear by asking you out on dates consistently..
    Originally Posted by lilo93
    He isnt interested. I get that. I wanted a friendship then he should have left it as it is, a friendship. Not give weird hints.

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  6. #5
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    You are interpreting normal behavior as "weird hints". If he wanted to date you I doubt his methods would consist of "I'm going to drink from her water glass so she knows I like her!!!" Especially since he already knows you want to date him.

    My friends and I share water glasses. We even eat off one another's plates. I don't want to date them.

  7. #6
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    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

    Stop contacting him. If he is interested at all, he will show it, but he hasn't done that yet.

  8. #7
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    What "weird hints?' You read too much into things. You only met twice, what is there it get attached to?

    if you are looking for a relationship, then you shouldn't be wasting time on him. He is not interested.

  9. #8
    Silver Member waffle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lilo93
    . . . when we went for another cafe, he switched glasses with me since his glass of water finished but there was already a jug of water on the table to fill your own glasses. I felt it was weird he had to switch glasses. So after that, at one point he filled up both the glasses, and before we left he told me to drink my water which initially his glass which was weird. I just jokingly told him you dont to tell me what to do.
    I would be concerned that something was being put in your drink.

    I take it this is someone you met off a dating app.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by waffle
    I would be concerned that something was being put in your drink.
    Agree. This scenario was indeed "weird" but not in an affectionate type of way.
    Originally Posted by lilo93
    he switched glasses with me since his glass of water finished but there was already a jug of water on the table to fill your own glasses. I felt it was weird he had to switch glasses. So after that, at one point he filled up both the glasses, and before we left he told me to drink my water which initially his glass which was weird.


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