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Thread: I can't do this anymore

  1. #11
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    My brother experienced this in his early 20s.

    I don't have time to get into the details, only to say that he was utterly devastated when it ended, locked himself in his room for entire summer, fell into a deep depression.

    Sadly he never sought therapy or any sort of professional help.

    He eventually recovered (on the surface) but has not been able to sustain a relationship since. He is now in his 40s!

    Once he begins feeling close to a woman, or a woman wants a "relationship" with him, he runs.

    It's very sad because he wants a close intimate relationship so so much, but his fears and anxieties due to past experience prevents this.

    OP, DON't be that guy. Find the strength to leave this woman and seek help, seriously. Or you will forever be emotionally damaged like my brother which I am sure is the last thing you want.

  2. #12
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    The problem is that in a healthy relationship, both partners make little sacrifices for each other. I don't experience this is a sacrifice, because it's something my partner appreciates and makes her love me more. When I ask something of her, she always responds in the same way: "You need to take me as I am" --> My way or the highway. Seeing her partying this weekend and even the day she broke up with me only tells me one thing: She doesn't love me the same way I love her. Other wise she would fight for us or at least talk to me and not calling it off the moment we got into an argument. When I look back on the 4 years I know her, I was 2 years really really happy but I also felt miserable for 2 years. That's not normal, this can't be a normal healthy relationship.

    I hope someday I will look at my new partner and be glad my current ex dumped me. I know that everyone here will tell me, you will get to this point someday. But right now, I can't imagine how I will ever feel this way again about someone else.

  3. #13
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I hope someday I will look at my new partner and be glad my current ex dumped me. I know that everyone here will tell me, you will get to this point someday. But right now, I can't imagine how I will ever feel this way again about someone else.
    Cheers to that. I am hoping for the same thing myself. Took me a year to get over my last ex.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I hope someday I will look at my new partner and be glad my current ex dumped me. I know that everyone here will tell me, you will get to this point someday. But right now, I can't imagine how I will ever feel this way again about someone else.
    You need to decide if this is a point you want to get to OP. Everyone on here that has moved on from their ex made the decision to do so and took steps to move away from that relationship. You have been choosing to wait around for her to somehow become the person you want her to be... choosing to martyr yourself and focus on her and her behavior instead of looking at your own and the reasons you continue to hang on to something that isn't working.

    People grab on to the fantasy of what a relationship could be, the potential of a person, to avoid dealing with the pain of surrender and letting go because their reality totally sucks for whatever reason. At the end of the day you need to go through those feelings and accept the relationship doesn't work and be willing to let it go if you want to move on. And as you are discovering, letting go doesn't just happen... you need to work at it, consistently, letting go of the fantasy and grounding yourself in reality over and over again until you come to that place of acceptance. It's painful and hard but you will get through it, we all have, and are better for it in the end.

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  6. #15
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    For those who have a new relationship, is it possible to stop comparing your new GF to your ex? Iíll doubt I ever will stop comparing them

  7. #16
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    When you finally learn what a healthy relationship really feels like, you will probably favorably compare that girlfriend to your ex, OP.

    Youíll wonder why you kept going back to someone who wasnít good for you.

    Believe me, this ex of yours is no prize.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I don't experience this is a sacrifice, because it's something my partner appreciates and makes her love me more.
    Obviously not. This is a key belief to disabuse yourself of. When you're willing to play the role of a doormat, it makes no sense to be surprised when someone walks right over you to seek someone else who owns self respect.

    There's no time like the present to start respecting yourself.

  9. #18
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    Im sorry, I had to laugh when you asked "will I ever find someone again?" Are you asking if you will ever find someone who treated you badly ever again? If that is what you are asking... sure you will. You can always find someone who will treat you horribly and hurt you again. That's easy.
    Now if you want to find someone who is more emotionally stable. Yes you can find someone who will make you happy. But to do that, you must put this girl behind you. Its hard to have a free flowing of love if you still secretly want your X.
    Now about your relationship what can I say? You were warned and you decided everyone was wrong and your heart was right. In the words of Dr Phil. Hows that working out for you? I know you are feeling bad but you are at a crossroads. And you will eventually have to chose a side. To the left a life without this woman.. That means you cut all ties with her, you tell her to have a good life and you leave no cords attached to her. Or 2. You decide to have this woman in your life and all the pain, baggage, troubles, sadness that comes with it will follow. You can rationalize it by saying that she was the best GF ever or when things were good they were the best or the sex was great or whatever, but know that if she remains in your life, even thru social media. Pain and sadness will follow you.
    You currently have the power to choose. You and you alone decide. Question is.. have you learned from your mistakes and which road are you going to take?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by No1
    Im sorry, I had to laugh when you asked "will I ever find someone again?" Are you asking if you will ever find someone who treated you badly ever again? If that is what you are asking... sure you will. You can always find someone who will treat you horribly and hurt you again. That's easy.
    Now if you want to find someone who is more emotionally stable. Yes you can find someone who will make you happy. But to do that, you must put this girl behind you. Its hard to have a free flowing of love if you still secretly want your X.
    Now about your relationship what can I say? You were warned and you decided everyone was wrong and your heart was right. In the words of Dr Phil. Hows that working out for you? I know you are feeling bad but you are at a crossroads. And you will eventually have to chose a side. To the left a life without this woman.. That means you cut all ties with her, you tell her to have a good life and you leave no cords attached to her. Or 2. You decide to have this woman in your life and all the pain, baggage, troubles, sadness that comes with it will follow. You can rationalize it by saying that she was the best GF ever or when things were good they were the best or the sex was great or whatever, but know that if she remains in your life, even thru social media. Pain and sadness will follow you.
    You currently have the power to choose. You and you alone decide. Question is.. have you learned from your mistakes and which road are you going to take?

    I know there is only one way now, but itís still a painful way. I should hate her for the way she played with my feelings, but the problem is that I still love her. Itís hard to go from being in love 2 weeks ago and going to ďI donít ever wanna be with her againĒ. Iím aware it will take time, but deep down I know I did everything to try to make it work

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Pikachu
    I know there is only one way now, but itís still a painful way. I should hate her for the way she played with my feelings, but the problem is that I still love her. Itís hard to go from being in love 2 weeks ago and going to ďI donít ever wanna be with her againĒ. Iím aware it will take time, but deep down I know I did everything to try to make it work
    Just because you love them, that doesn't equate to a good and healthy relationship. You can have a love for your X, but for you to be in another relationship you cant be IN love with your X. Remember that we are pieces of everyone we have ever met. We accept the good and we discard the bad. Don't keep the bad with you because you feel that's your one last remaining connection to your X. If you know you did your best, then hold your head up high but it still remains a fact, this person should not be in your life.

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