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Thread: What can I do about my husband being so close to another girl?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    At the end of the day, though, if leaving is not an option than ultimately you are saying you will accept anything. The only thing you can do is express your feelings and hope your partner is sensitive to that.
    All you can do is express your feelings. Be honest that you are feeling insecure after observing their level of intimacy. Hopefully he is willing to have an open conversation with you about it vs. being rigid and unwilling to hear what you have to say. And hopefully going forward he is willing to be more mindful of their interactions and the impact that has on you. If not? Well you have already decided that leaving isn't an option so you will be forced to accept their relationship for what it is and find ways to deal with your feelings appropriately.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Every affair partner is "just a friend". At some level that is what you fear, no?

  3. #13
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    When reading what you wrote, the first things that popped into my head were: Do you believe that your husband could cheat and why? How would you describe your marriage? Are you both doing okay?

  4. #14
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    My husband has a number of very close female friends. One of them was the one who introduced us to begin with, and he was likewise very close with her (and still is, btw). To say I have never ever questioned his fidelity in our relationship is the understatement of the year.

    I, like the others, would love to know more about the specifics that make you so certain he'd cheat. However, my feeling is that when you are so certain your partner would, and that another female in his life as a friend is a threat, there's something going wrong in the relationship regardless of whether or not your partner actually has (or would) cheat.

    If you yourself have some deep rooted insecurities about partners cheating, you need to get to the bottom of those issues with therapy before they ruin an otherwise healthy partnership. If your husband has (truly) displayed behaviours that make you question his loyalty to you and how much you can actually trust him, then that's just something else entirely. But without knowing more, we can't advise you adequately.

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  6. #15
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    Rubixcube, you've popped into every single thread involving *inapropriate* relationships with such a vengeance, I seriously wonder what is going on with you. I think you are desperately trying to justify your orbiting, crushing, swooning, and inappropriate relationships for yourself, and trying to justify this by trying to convince everyone to comply with your sense of nonsensical normal...that people should comply with their significant other or spouse/boyfriend or girlfriend flirting, snuggling, touching, and flirting with their "best friend" because they're "just friends" because that's what you have and you are completely delusional on how wrong this type of relationship is...which you know deep down, but you really don't want to grasp it or accept it...you are fighting this with teeth and claws..

    I would like to ask you, Mr. Rubixcube....do you touch and cuddle and share secrets and behave flirtatiously with *all* of your friends, and do you cuddle and snuggle and flirt with your GUY friends? When was the last time you snuggled on the sofa with Bob and brushed his hair or massaged his sore muscles with a hug and then shared a long intimate walk together, with some touching, hand holding, and did you prioritize Bob before potential date with an actual potential mate...like a first date or "meet"...nope, gotta do the evening walk with Bob, my buddy?

    Serious question?

    Or do you just behave this way with this ONE female friend of yours who you claim to be your BFF and it's "platonic"?

    I think you are an orbiter in denial. You have a love or a crush on your so-called BFF. This BFF accepts all of your attention and affection while keeping you firmly planted in the friendzone. As such, you consider flirting and touching and brushing hair and emotional intimacy with someone else (other than your partner) as "normal."

    It is not normal.

    It is not acceptable.

    You'll probably have to lose a good number of potential mates who dump you over your BFF (love interest) before you realize your boundaries suck big purple twinkies, and you fix it.

    You so-called BFF will drop you faster than a hot box of rocks when you stop catering to her ego and stop offering her your affections because you keep losing girls over her. Women worth their salt will not tolerate you being intimate with another woman.

    You are an orbiter, Rubix.

    Sorry to hijack your post, OP.

    OP, You have some serious issues to contend with. I would not manage the situation well with what you are going through. Things are wrong...really wrong. You need to have a discussion, and use a mediator. Invite this girl to dinner, plop her into your marriage...here it is. If your husband is cheating, you have a huge decision to make.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by kathyporter
    My husband has this close female friend. It always bothered me because of how close they are, so I decided to meet her. That made the situation worse because they were even more intimate than I thought. They acted like a couple rather than friends with each other. There was no physical interaction, but he talks to this girl a lot. What can I do? Leaving him isn't an option.
    The fact that you "Decided to meet her" vs she is friends with you as a couple, etc. The fact that he never introduced her reeks.
    A married man should not have any female friends his wife doesn't know.

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