Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: When to Hold Someone Down, and When to Let Go

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    18

    When to Hold Someone Down, and When to Let Go

    Hey guys,

    For a while now I've been thinking of the term "ride or die". I think everyone wants to be someone's ride or die, and have someone be that for them in return. But lately, I've noticed that I'm starting to become someone who writes people off a little too easily than maybe I should (like in general, too, not just romance) and worry about how I can ever be that rock and forever for someone. No relationship is perfect, but when is it too much? I want your opinions on this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,401
    Thatís slang for codependency.

    No matter how you dress it itís unhealthy. You should never sacrifice all for anyone but yourself and the people in the world you made.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,944
    Gender
    Female
    Never hold someone down.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,140
    Gender
    Female
    I'm not sure I really understand the question. What is going in in your current social life that has you concerned?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    Originally Posted by Oh me Oh I

    For a while now I've been thinking of the term "ride or die". I think everyone wants to be someone's ride or die, and have someone be that for them in return.
    That is absolutely untrue,

    My understanding of "ride or die" is a woman who will do literally anything for a man, support his illicit lifestyle, despite how doing so may pose danger to her or harm her.

    That would be reckless on her part, and if this is what you were facing in your dating situations or your friendships, you were right to leave, and quickly!

    Don't ever second guess your decision on that.

    As for "being there" for someone, being their rock, it's always a balance.

    Too much is overwhelming and suffocating, too little suggests apathy and indifference.

    Learn balance.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,187
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Oh me Oh I
    When to Hold Someone Down
    This would be never.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,070
    You're going from one extreme to the other.

    At the end of the day, it's all about treating each other with respect, harmony, consideration, kindness, integrity, common courtesy, common decency, empathy, peace and love.

    Any other way is simply intolerable and unacceptable.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,287
    Gender
    Male
    Most people have varying degrees of relationships. Acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, family, friends, lover/spouse etc. You can decide who you want in your inner, intermediate and outer circle. It doesn't have to be this black and white.

    Interpersonal relationships of all kinds are way to complex too be grouped as "ride or die" or "write them off". In fact most people will fall somewhere in between these two unhealthy extremes.

    Some people are more introverted than others so prefer few close friends than a large circle of acquaintances. And then some people are just more shallow than others and tend to use more Machiavellian tactics in their choice if "friends". Then there are people who lack boundaries and become over involved and overly attached to a suffocating degree.

    You don't need to be anyone's rock nor do you need to hang on to people who you don't want in your life. It's that simple.
    Originally Posted by Oh me Oh I
    I'm starting to become someone who writes people off a little too easily than maybe I should (like in general, too, not just romance) and worry about how I can ever be that rock and forever for someone.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,011
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    My understanding of "ride or die" is a woman who will do literally anything for a man, support his illicit lifestyle, despite how doing so may pose danger to her or harm her.
    That is how I've always interpreted that phrase, too. And like you, I see that is a very flawed concept.

    OP, how is this affecting your life specifically? Do you feel you're too quick to kick people to the curb? Or is someone implying to you that you should tolerate others' crappy behaviour because that's so "ride-or-die?"

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,391
    Gender
    Female
    I have the opposite problem - I tend to hang on to relationships too long - but I still donít believe in ďride or dieĒ.

    ďRide or dieĒ implies that you will follow them anywhere. Including off a cliff. Including putting up with mistreatment, abuse, etc. Itís not at all healthy, IMO. You only get one life. You canít be beholden to others under the guise of ďride or dieĒ if they are making you miserable... well... I guess you can... but thatís not the life I want. (And actually, I find people who use that term are often warning you that they are unreasonable and hard to deal with so they are appealing to your sense of loyalty).

    My general rule for when to leave a relationship is when you add up all of the plusses and minuses of the relationship over the course of the whole relationship and the negatives outweigh the positives. (ie: people who have been around longer who have brought a lot to your life have more bandwidth than someone who has not been around that long).

    For romantic relationships, the bar is slightly higher. You only get one life partner - so if you are not going in the same direction in life or you canít see an end to the problems, itís time to give that up too.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •