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Thread: Tell her or not

  1. #1

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    Tell her or not

    So my ex gf and I split up two months ago after a year-long relationship. Although it wasn't what I wanted, things did end amicably and we both have had brief conversations via text since the breakup. We both had planned a trip in August to California to visit my family out there, but had not booked the trip yet. As I've moved on the past month, Ive decided to still go and see my family as I was looking forward to this trip for awhile. I didn't want our breakup to deprive me of this experience either.

    My only issue is I feel guilty about not telling her I've still decided to go. I know she's the one who ended it so it shouldn't really matter. However, I don't want her to feel like I'm flaunting it when I post pictures on social media about it (were both still FB, instagram, and snapchat friends). We were both really looking forward to this trip, and I feel like reaching out and just saying "Hey, just wanted to let you know I still decided to go on the trip. I feel somewhat awkward about it, so I just wanted to let you know etc" or something along those lines.

    Is this a good/bad idea and what should I say if I decide to let her know about this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You can do whatever you want without her blessing...the relationship is OVER. You can even take a girl with you if you want, it shouldn't matter at all. It's all about living your life anyway you see fit.....who gives a flying flimflam what your ex will be thinking.
    I highly recommend deleting her from your social media for awhile, until you are over her.....time to really let this go.

    I know you miss her loads and all that but you can't put your life on hold in hopes she comes back.

  3. #3
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    I vote "not".

    I presume you are hoping for SOMETHING to happen as a result of contacting her. Which is precisely why I vote "not".

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Why do you have to even post that you are going or pictures of it at all?
    Why are you both still friends on social media? Why not go zero contact which means you block and delete and then you wouldn't have to worry about what her reaction will be to what you do? She is no longer a part of your life and you owe her nothing ~ particularly because she broke up with you.

    Live your life as if you didn't know her and stop feeling guilty or looking for excuses to contact her.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Nist145

    Is this a good/bad idea and what should I say if I decide to let her know about this?
    You broke up, the implied piece of that act is that there are no further obligations or interest in what the other one is doing.

    That's why they call it "breaking up."

    Do not tell her about it or ask her what she is doing. Move on.
    Last edited by jimthzz; 07-07-2019 at 05:32 PM.

  7. #6
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    I don't agree that you should "live your life as if you didn't know her." I understand the sentiment, but that philosophy, to completely write someone off as if they never meant something to you and had an impact on your life, has never made sense to me. Live your life like you knew her and you are better for knowing her.

    But, anyway, to the question at hand, no I don't think you should text her to discuss your plans with her. I get where you're coming from--you simply don't want to hurt her, and that's admirable. But it's a trip to see your family. There should be no guilt in that or reason to speak to her about it at this point. The nature of the trip was always geared toward your personal interests anyway.

    However, understanding there will inevitably still be some feelings of guilt if you genuinely don't want her to feel bad about it, why not just be mindful of the amount of photos you post of the trip? If you plan to share a lot of your experiences while over there, keep those primarily to snapchat. That way you can block her from seeing your stories without her ever knowing. I did that for awhile after my ex and I broke up -- I didn't want him to see me going out excessively because I knew it would hurt him. It's any easy solution in my opinion.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    OP, it's not like you had planned a random romantic trip at some exotic destination and now you are going on your own. Your family still lives there and you are going to visit them. Nothing extraordinary about it. No sane person would hold it against you going ahead visiting your family. It sounds like you are seeking an excuse to bring up your past relationship which is NOT a good idea. If you are that afraid of hurting her you can simply exclude her from the list of people that can see the specific photos. FB does give you the option to manipulate the privacy settings on a specific album and/or individual pictures. Plus, you are not obliged to post photos on social media from every single trip you go to. One can have a nice time without (*gasp*) posting about it on social media.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I vote "not" as well. What's the point? You are broken up. You dont owe her anything. Go and have a great trip.

    Honestly you need to be deleting her from your social media. You then dont need to be concerned that she may see photos or stories of what you are doing. At this point it's none of her business.

  10. #9
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    I think it would be really odd to tell her your plans especially since itís a family trip. Iím sure she assumes youíre still going. And sure maybe if you want to refrain from posting about it or adjust your settings so she canít see those posts then fine.

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed...Closed.


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