Boyfriend turning down sex.

me and my boyfriend has been together for a year now. I initiate sex more than he does but I think its because my sex drive is higher than his. lately he’s been turning me down because he’s “so tired from work” or he “just doesn't feel like it” or he “hasn't taken a shower” every time I make an attempt its an EXCUSE. so we talked about it and still haven't gotten anywhere. I want him to understand that if that is the case I understand & respect that but I have needs as well.. sex isnt a priority but its still on the list. What do I do ?!? :(

How long is "lately?" Dudes are allowed to not want sex, even if for a stretch.

A month now. & I understand they aren't allowed. But I thought you compromise in a relationship?..

Is he stressed right now ?

The thing is NO ONE should have sex when they do not want to.

Maybe he's suffering from depression....or maybe he should get his testosterone levels checked by a doctor. Could be an underlying health issue. You know men, they are afraid to go to a doctor as for fear what they might find out.

A month now. & I understand they aren't allowed. But I thought you compromise in a relationship?..

When was it you "talked about it?" I can't say whether he's lost interest, if he's going through a temporary rut, or him being "talked to" and compelled to "compromise" has quite understandably exacerbated his lack of desire.

Ohh so my feelings don't matter and to in a sense .. weather the storm? Okay cool thanks for the advice :)

The thing is nobody should be forced into having sex just because somebody else has a high sex drive . People don’t die from lack of sex .

My ex husband didn't have sex with me for over a year. Yeah, it was a factor in the divorce.

A month isn't THAT long, but if it's turning into a long term thing I would have a serious conversation. NOT right after an attempt to have sex, however.

But the relationship dies which is what I am trying to avoid but okay

How old are the two of you and how many hours a week is he working? And what time does he get home from work?

Same questions for yourself.

But the relationship dies which is what I am trying to avoid but okay

If the relationship dies because you two are sexually incompatible or he has lost interest, it is actually a good thing. Why force what isn't working? Perhaps there is a man out there who is a better match for you in the bedroom.

The bottom line is you can't force him to have sex with you. Attempting to coerce him into sex through guilt tactics or otherwise is simply wrong. Have an adult conversation with him when you aren't in the bedroom. If nothing changes, you will have to decide if you stay or walk.

Is he attentive and a good bf in other ways? Sometimes a lack of interest in sex suggests interest focused on other things, or people.

It happens you know. I wonder if you guys live together. If hes spending long hours at work and you live together, hes doing the long hours for the both of you, to build a better life for the pair of you. So wait till the weekend? He wont have an excuse then. Especially morning when you just wake up. He will be full of energy and his mind wont be on work (one would hope.)

Also, I don't know but it might have something to do with um, how do I put this delicately. The flavour of the sex? Is it the same repetitive stuff over and over? If you are not insecure about yourself or your body, watch a bit of porn with him and find out what you both like and are comfortable doing? That might be an idea.

Well incompatible sex drive can be a reason for a break up as well. If your sexual drives are so different then you don't necessarily need to try to save the relationship, you could just go your separate ways. Yes I agree with you that sex is important but if your sex drives are so different that it was pretty much only you initiating and now your boyfriend fully declines then it may not mean you're right for each other. If he's had something else going on lately then yeah there could also be other reasons. But if from the start it's been basically you starting the sex then his drive and yours may be too mismatched.

Was he always like this? What happened in the past month in either of your lives? How is the rest of the relationship? Do you live together? This isn't about people being allowed to not want to have sex on occasion, this is about something is up because it's a marked change from how things were.

lately he’s been turning me down because he’s “so tired from work” or he “just doesn't feel like it” or he “hasn't taken a shower” every time I make an attempt its an EXCUSE.

But the relationship dies which is what I am trying to avoid but okay

Do you take the same passive aggressive tone with him that you have in this thread when you discuss this issue with him?

Do you take the same passive aggressive tone with him that you have in this thread when you discuss this issue with him?

Oh snap LOL.

Anyway. re-reading the thread, I am looking at it in a new perspective. I can feel kita's dismay (even sadness?) Kita, when a guy is under that stress and is as tired as he is when he gets home, it's not always easy to maintain arousal, if you know what I mean. Women have it easy in that respect, nothing needs to stay "hard" so if its attempted and things don't go the way it was intended, he might get embarrassed but not only that, women tend to get really self conscious about it and tend to do the whole "he doesn't find me attractive" thing which is a headache in itself so maybe he might be thinking, well better not try it, just in case.

Wether it's "passive aggressive" or not his answer remains the same so what are you saying.

Your relationship won’t die in a month from no sex. If it does then it is not strong enough to survive anyway.

okay well no one really is telling me anything I don't already know nor giving me helpful suggestions MOVING FORWARD in the relationship which is why I made the thread. I Can't force him , we've talked like adults about it and we've argued about it .. his answer remains the same THANKS ANYWAY YOU GUYS 💋

okay well no one really is telling me anything I don't already know nor giving me helpful suggestions MOVING FORWARD in the relationship which is why I made the thread. I Can't force him , we've talked like adults about it and we've argued about it .. his answer remains the same THANKS ANYWAY YOU GUYS [emoji182]

Here’s one... instead of arguing and nagging him about sex and how your needs aren’t being met, try asking him how you can support and be there for him so he actually WANTS to be intimate with you. Ask him what he needs in order to feel close to you. And then commit to following through on it.

okay well no one really is telling me anything I don't already know nor giving me helpful suggestions MOVING FORWARD in the relationship which is why I made the thread. I Can't force him , we've talked like adults about it and we've argued about it .. his answer remains the same THANKS ANYWAY YOU GUYS 💋

so, you want to us to tell you how to get him to compromise?

didn't you already ask him that?

The lack of sex is a symptom of another problem. Figure out the problem and work on that.

Is he seeing someone? He's losing interest in you for some reason.

I Can't force him , we've talked like adults about it and we've argued about it .. his answer remains the same