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Thread: His female best friend

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    That would rub me the wrong way. I would feel completely snubbed.

    I asked before, but perhaps you missed it: do you know if she knows you're dating, him? Have they dated in the past? My honest guess is that he's not keen to introduce you two, for some specific reason. You just haven't yet discovered what that is. I don't think it's just a matter of friends not being integrated in each other's lives yet.
    He has apparently told her that he's dating me, and they haven't dated previously, as far as I know. He has told me she's been single for some time now, and that she wants to find someone. So they must talk about things like that. Oh and he has photos of him and his ex still on his Facebook... but maybe that's a whole different topic! That's a separate thing that grates on me. Would it grate on you? I asked him why they still had lots of photographs on there (they're both tagged) and he said they're 'very happy memories that he can't get rid of'. Personally I think he should save the photos to his personal photo stream on his phone then delete them off Facebook or at least untag himself.

    Thank you for your reply! :-)

  2. #22
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If they are things he just can't let go of.....then he's not ready to be serious with anyone, don't you think? This would be a huge deal breaker for me.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by JessicaC5
    He has apparently told her that he's dating me, and they haven't dated previously, as far as I know. He has told me she's been single for some time now, and that she wants to find someone. So they must talk about things like that. Oh and he has photos of him and his ex still on his Facebook... but maybe that's a whole different topic! That's a separate thing that grates on me. Would it grate on you? I asked him why they still had lots of photographs on there (they're both tagged) and he said they're 'very happy memories that he can't get rid of'. Personally I think he should save the photos to his personal photo stream on his phone then delete them off Facebook or at least untag himself.

    Thank you for your reply! :-)
    If it was photos of a happy experience that happened 5 years ago (an award's dinner where he received an award and she happened to be there with him), I wouldn't have a problem, but if it happened a few months ago, I for sure would.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JessicaC5
    Very wise words. I hadn't thought about it like that. I do have one or two 'guy friends' who I see when my friend group go out for drinks, for example, but you wouldn't get me near their hair with a hairbrush!
    Which just further cements what J said, different boundaries.

    Would I personally care if a guy I was dating was combing someone else hair? Probably not but Iím older so those things mean something different than to someone who is a teen or young adult, exploring dating and swapping spit with coworkers and playing musical chairs with partners, Iím not saying that disrespectfully, Iím just aware of the melrose place that work romances tend to be, especially when young. itís much more common in your age group so in your situation, yeah, Iíd be bothered, I also wouldnít be mature enough yet to simply walk away, although, at the end of the day, thatís going to be your best bet. So since youíre most likely going to stay vent away, but heís going to be who he is and do what he does.

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  6. #25
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JessicaC5
    Hey everyone.

    Iíve been dating a guy for just over two months now (around 2-3 dates per week). Weíre both 25.

    Heís got a female best friend who he has lunch with at work every day (we work in the same corporation so I see them having lunch as I have lunch in the same work restaurant). The female best friend is our age, and theyíve been friends about 10 years. I was totally fine with her, but Iíve started to become more and more aware of just how much he sees her. I suggested that he invites her to come and sit with me and my friend in the work restaurant as it would be nice to meet her, but that hasnít happened. He has even said he brushed her hair this week at work because she Ďdidnít have a mirrorí. I was okay with it, but now Iím not, and Iíve expressed to him that I wouldnít generally brush my friendsí hair, but he just said theyíre close and do stuff like that.

    Should I be concerned? Not only do they have lunch together every day but they also go for walks in the evenings. She is also single.

    Any advice or tips would be so appreciated. I have been keen on him but now feel like his female best friend is constantly on my mind!

    Jessica x
    LOL Dude. I don't know what other people are saying in this thread and I must admit I didn't read your entire post (because I don't need to) but there is a reason why hes with you and not her. I also, have a best female friend, they come in handy you know, even if she is over protective of me at times. Shes not afraid to tell me I'm an idiot for chasing the wrong woman or cuss another female out right in front of everyone if they disrespect me but she also wants to know that we are best friends and that no matter what, I will be there for her as much as she is for me AS A FRIEND.

    Let it go! Be good friends with her, go shopping with her and do girly things. If you don't, you will end up getting passive aggressive and she will pick up on that. You will also start fights with your boyfriend and a wedge will build, but not between him and her, it will be between you and him. Trust me, been here, done that. Known my best female friend since I was 15, thats 22 years of friendship. Shes always been the last woman standing if a girlfriend tried to pull some crap to try to get rid of her.

  7. #26
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    If you want to be a little less confrontational: I understand we want to be careful at work - not be all over eachother - but I don't want to be so on the downlow that you you only have lunch with Becky and never with me or me and other colleagues.
    Like i say, if he spent every night with you and rotated who he had lunch with (one day was lunching with his project team, etc.), it would be no biggie and wasn't always dining with you -- but the fact its like he blanks you in the cafeteria -- weird.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by rubixcube19
    LOL Dude. I don't know what other people are saying in this thread and I must admit I didn't read your entire post (because I don't need to) but there is a reason why hes with you and not her. I also, have a best female friend, they come in handy you know, even if she is over protective of me at times. Shes not afraid to tell me I'm an idiot for chasing the wrong woman or cuss another female out right in front of everyone if they disrespect me but she also wants to know that we are best friends and that no matter what, I will be there for her as much as she is for me AS A FRIEND.

    Let it go! Be good friends with her, go shopping with her and do girly things. If you don't, you will end up getting passive aggressive and she will pick up on that. You will also start fights with your boyfriend and a wedge will build, but not between him and her, it will be between you and him. Trust me, been here, done that. Known my best female friend since I was 15, thats 22 years of friendship. Shes always been the last woman standing if a girlfriend tried to pull some crap to try to get rid of her.
    DUDE -

    If a single guy has female friends - cool, but if he is having lunch EVERYDAY with the same one and EVERYDAY taking a walk in the evening with her and blanking the girlfriend in the same room, that sounds less like friendship and more like courtship or he's a total clod. Friends should be ELATED when their friend meets someone special. She cannot "go do girly things" with her because she is not even invited into their circle. The first thing i would do when i found out a guy friend was seeing her would be to really really want to meet her, and then take a step back out of respect for their relationship

  9. #28
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    DUDE -

    If a single guy has female friends - cool, but if he is having lunch EVERYDAY with the same one and EVERYDAY taking a walk in the evening with her and blanking the girlfriend in the same room, that sounds less like friendship and more like courtship or he's a total clod. Friends should be ELATED when their friend meets someone special. She cannot "go do girly things" with her because she is not even invited into their circle. The first thing i would do when i found out a guy friend was seeing her would be to really really want to meet her, and then take a step back out of respect for their relationship
    DUDE -

    Then why is he dating HER and not HIS BEST FRIEND. What logic? Why would things have to change just because they are in a relationship? How would you feel if your best friend started pushing you away just because they got into a relationship? I mean hes not sleeping with her, hes sleeping with JESSICA, if hes sleeping with his best friend and her? Hes a dog and she should dump him. By now though, shes probably already read his texts and gone through his draws so she knows its not happening anyway, she is just jealous of the attention hes giving her.

    Look. in a lot of ways, I do understand your point but let me try to explain it a different way. You being a female, this may or may not be you, I cant stress that enough, but trust me, this happens all the time to males. in a relationship, once you start letting a female dictate to you, who you can and cannot see or anything for that matter, it spirals and suddenly you cant walk out the front door or eat what you want or anything like that without a fight and then the relationship self destructs anyway because both parties become unhappy.

    I see it all the time, and its even happened to me. And after its happened, who was there for me? My best friend, who just also happens to be female.

  10. #29
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    JessicaC5,

    2's company, 3's a crowd. I would be ok if they just ate lunch on rare occasions and kept it at that. However, the guy has lunch with her every single day, brushes her hair AND goes for evening walks together? That's too much. He is way out of line.

    The guy you're dating doesn't exercise any discretion.

    Speak up about this to him. Tell him, "Either she goes or I go!" This picture feels a bit crowded. He needs to have healthy boundaries with her and apparently he's behaving very disrespectfully towards you.

    I wouldn't tolerate this type of flirtatious behavior if I were you.

    He's not allowed to have his cake and eat it, too. You need to set him straight or it's "Adios!"

  11. #30
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    JessicaC5,

    2's company, 3's a crowd. I would be ok if they just ate lunch on rare occasions and kept it at that. However, the guy has lunch with her every single day, brushes her hair AND goes for evening walks together? That's too much. He is way out of line.

    The guy you're dating doesn't exercise any discretion.

    Speak up about this to him. Tell him, "Either she goes or I go!" This picture feels a bit crowded. He needs to have healthy boundaries with her and apparently he's behaving very disrespectfully towards you.

    I wouldn't tolerate this type of flirtatious behavior if I were you.

    He's not allowed to have his cake and eat it, too. You need to set him straight or it's "Adios!"
    You know exactly what will happen next. It won't be the friend that goes. And for what? An over reaction to something innocent. Does Jessica ever try to have lunch with him? Female jealousy strikes again. I'm sorry and no offence, but its true.

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