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Thread: His female best friend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Why havent you gone to their table at lunch time and sat down and said - hi I'm ...... to this girl? If he hasnt introduced you then introduce yourself!

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by JessicaC5
    We havenít met each otherís friends yet. Although I did think that he would introduce the female best friend seeing as she is also working at the same place. People at work do know we are dating, and weíve been integrating our personal lives by spending time over each otherís houses.

    Thanks for your reply. Look forward to your thoughts!
    At 2 months and you work with the same people, this woman should absolutely know you. After 8 weeks maybe not "this is my girlfriend" but "this is Jessica". I was introduced to people we ran into or friends as my name, not "my girlfriend" when we were dating just a few months. If you don't work out - you met a coworker that you didn't know. Lots of people introduce people to people in other departments that they don't know. but, by the way if she is his best friend, of course she should know he is dating.

    If you say you had not met his friends and he meets them for a guy's night of basketball every week and you have no way of crossing paths, that's different...

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Why havent you gone to their table at lunch time and sat down and said - hi I'm ...... to this girl? If he hasnt introduced you then introduce yourself!
    Exactly. You should do that tomorrow.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I wouldn't wonder or do anything. If it doesn't jive with you, it doesn't jive with you. Even dating isn't worth jamming round pegs into square holes. In the very best of scenarios, assuming everything between them innocuous, his sense of boundaries are about a kilometer off from yours. Why bother? Live and let live. Explore better matches.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I agree about the 'Bates Motel' Creepy.

    Have you had the talk about being exclusive? I'm thinking you haven't. Usually when you have that talk, you lay down some basic ground rules about what types of behavior are acceptable. Clearly, that hasn't happened yet.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JessicaC5
    Hey everyone.

    Iíve been dating a guy for just over two months now (around 2-3 dates per week). Weíre both 25.

    Heís got a female best friend who he has lunch with at work every day (we work in the same corporation so I see them having lunch as I have lunch in the same work restaurant). The female best friend is our age, and theyíve been friends about 10 years. I was totally fine with her, but Iíve started to become more and more aware of just how much he sees her. I suggested that he invites her to come and sit with me and my friend in the work restaurant as it would be nice to meet her, but that hasnít happened. He has even said he brushed her hair this week at work because she Ďdidnít have a mirrorí. I was okay with it, but now Iím not, and Iíve expressed to him that I wouldnít generally brush my friendsí hair, but he just said theyíre close and do stuff like that.

    Should I be concerned? Not only do they have lunch together every day but they also go for walks in the evenings. She is also single.

    Any advice or tips would be so appreciated. I have been keen on him but now feel like his female best friend is constantly on my mind!

    Jessica x
    It's tough to know with this because it's only been about two months. But I don't think it is a good sign that he is having lunch with another girl when you are having lunch at the same time, in the same place. I also take it as a bad sign that he has so far ignored your invitation to have lunch together.

    The hair-brushing stuff triggers an eye-roll response in me.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I find that odd too.

    Does she not know you're dating, OP?
    Yes, I find it odd too. I'm usually sitting not far from them with a couple of work friends (who he knows and gets on with) but he doesn't come and sit with us. He sits with her the whole time. Every lunch.

    On two different occasions I've mentioned to him that she is very welcome to come and sit with us, and he's said that's kind, but it's never materialised.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I wouldn't wonder or do anything. If it doesn't jive with you, it doesn't jive with you. Even dating isn't worth jamming round pegs into square holes. In the very best of scenarios, assuming everything between them innocuous, his sense of boundaries are about a kilometer off from yours. Why bother? Live and let live. Explore better matches.
    Very wise words. I hadn't thought about it like that. I do have one or two 'guy friends' who I see when my friend group go out for drinks, for example, but you wouldn't get me near their hair with a hairbrush!

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by waffle
    Weird. She is definitely the more important person in his life right now. You will just have to decide if this is acceptable to you. I wouldn't be cool with it; I'd pass, and sooner rather than later before I got too invested. It's much harder to do down the road after feeeeeeeeelings get involved.

    I, too, wonder why they aren't dating if they are that close.
    I totally agree. I did ask him whether they'd been close and he just said they had been friends for ten years and had always been 'good friends'. She also talks to him about not being able to find a boyfriend, according to him.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by JessicaC5
    Yes, I find it odd too. I'm usually sitting not far from them with a couple of work friends (who he knows and gets on with) but he doesn't come and sit with us. He sits with her the whole time. Every lunch.
    That would rub me the wrong way. I would feel completely snubbed.

    I asked before, but perhaps you missed it: do you know if she knows you're dating, him? Have they dated in the past? My honest guess is that he's not keen to introduce you two, for some specific reason. You just haven't yet discovered what that is. I don't think it's just a matter of friends not being integrated in each other's lives yet.

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