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Thread: Guy 1, guy 2, or guy 3? Long story, hang in there

  1. #1

    Guy 1, guy 2, or guy 3? Long story, hang in there

    Letís start with my current relationship, on and off for nine years, we will call him guy 1. We were right out of high school and got involved very fast. We have been through so much together including some substance abuse problems and seem to make it through, always ending up back together. About two year ago I broke up with him and wanted a change from the small town and moved somewhere a little bigger (about 2 hours away). I would go back to see my family and friends and I would see him. At the time he wasnít really taking care of himself and drinking heavily, something that kind of started before we broke up, but got much worse after. Then we got back together and the drinking didnít stop, to be honest I wasnít much help, I would still drink with my friends on weekends. We fought a lot and every time things got ugly I would tell him I was unhappy and on occasion send him text messages about how the drinking had to stop. In that time he got 86ed from several bars and got two DUIs. When he went to jail for the first one I was at my limit.
    This is where guy number 2 comes in. I went for drinks with one of my coworker and she had invited a friend. I knew this guys name being a small community, but had never meet him, being that he is a few years younger than me. At first I thought nothing special of him, but we laughed and talked through most of the night and had a good time. I gave him my number and soon we were hanging out and he asked me out on a date. I went to see guy 1 in jail and wanted to break it off, but he begged me not to break up with him while he was in there. After a great date with guy 2 we made out and messed around a little. I felt so guilt ridden about this that I told guy 1 and said that I was very confused. In the end I hated myself for doing that to someone I loved for so long. I knew when he was out that I had to really break it off and try to be happy again even with what I did.
    After the break up I started seeing guy 2 more, he didnít want anything serious and said he didnít want a girlfriend. I liked being in a relationship overall, but had no problems with this being that I was just out of a nine year relationship. So I decided to try some online dating as well. First date was awful, really bad. The next date with a different guy was amazing.
    This is where guy 3 comes in. We had so much in common, both have our pilots licenses, like the outdoors (hiking, hunting, fishing) and he was so easy to talk to. Also I was very physically attracted to him. Only problem was trying to find time to hang out was a bit of a struggle. Also I told them both about each other. Guy 3 was great about it saying that it made sense being out of a super long relationship and that he had no judgement. Guy 2 said okay, but made snide remarks when I would talk to him.
    After the fifth date I hooked up with guy 3. The next day I was on the phone with guy 2 and he asked me about it, so I told him the truth. He is a bit upset and said that I had a choice, it was him or guy 3. I decided to give it a shot with guy 2, calling it off with guy 3. Again guy 3 was super great, saying that he understood and that if anything changed to let him know.
    I dated guy 2 for less than a month. In that time he had changed becoming more insecure and wanting to spend all day just in bed with me, giving me a hard time over the people I was in contact with, especially that I was still In contact with guy 1. I couldnít do it, but guy 2 didnít want to lose me. He decided that it was unfair of him to give me that ultimatum and that it was fine if I saw other people as long as we were still hanging out and I agreed. Immediately getting back ahold of guy 3.
    Now if you didnít think this story was convoluted enough...here is more. I went on some more dates with guy 3 having a great time and feeling myself being happy again. I was still hanging out with guy 2 and to be honest still liked him, and had a good time talking to him, besides the ongoing snide remarks. Honestly still made me feel guilty over seeing guy 3. As things carried on trying to find time with guy 3 was getting very difficult. It was like playing battleship, with every miss another week would go by.
    Talking to guy 1, he was doing great not drinking and cleaned himself up. He told me that he loved me very much, forgave me for leaving, and wanted me back. Honestly I missed our connection and decided to give it another chance. I told guy 2 and he was not happy but said he wanted me to be happy. I didnít tell guy 3 as we werenít spending much time together anyways. This is were the story should end, happily ever after with guy 1, but it keeps going.
    I still talked to guy 2, he told me that he wanted to give me the chance to do the things we didnít do while we were dating. He bought me a bow and took me on my first hunting trip, we had a great time. He was also helping me start my business, which I am super nervous about and feel much better having him there. Guy 1 wasnít happy about this, but also trying to be understanding. This whole time guy 2 is trying to win me back and doing a pretty good job of putting thoughts on my head of it. Now when I talk to him he seems much more secure (which is much more attractive) and knows what he wants, me being one of them. He wants to help set me up for a future that I have only really dreamt about. Now he says he is moving and wants me to come with him, telling me that I could take my time setting up my business, working when I want, and flying whenever I want. He would make enough money for a great life, being able to go on a bunch of different trips and doing the things I have always wanted. Seems like a dream come true, but Iím not sure that I would be happy. I know that when I wake up in the morning with guy 1 now and get covered in kisses and my morning coffee I am happy. The only problem is that guy 1 is not much of a planner always living in the moment. Moving into the future I know things would definitely be a struggle. Also I get concerned that things arenít going to stay this way with guy 1, that he will fall back into some bad habits and again stop being the boyfriend I need him to be (it has happened before). Though he does seem really really adamant about it this time. I also catch myself thinking of guy 3 all the time, I know I really enjoyed my time with guy 3, just wasnít much of it. So here are the choices...
    I move back to my small community with guy 1, Iím happy but struggle to pull my small business together and make a life, unsure what the future will really hold
    I move with guy 2, live a very comfortable life, doing things I always wanted, hoping that he is the more secure person he is acting like and that I will be happy with him.
    Stay where Iím living now, keep working, try to spend some more time with guy 3

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    How about none of the above because I don't see anywhere in that opening post where you actually love any of them...

    or ask all three of them to be your brother husbands... the opposite of Sister Wives.

    Guy 1 can be your codependent addiction.
    Guy 2 can be your bread and butter back up
    Guy 3 can be your activity partner

    Have sex with all of them, of course!

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Sorry, but you lost me at guy #2...

  4. #4
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Not even going to read the post. I am so glad I don't know you. No one needs that in there life. Or if you are all like minded, why not all 3 at the same time, if you know what I mean. I'm sure it wouldn't be your first time.

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  6. #5
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    Guy 4, 5, 6 or 7 is the guy for you.
    But you will never meet him while still interacting with any of guys 1-3.
    Why do you NEED a guy in your life?
    Ditch them all and I mean delete and block. Take a year off dating and figure out what it is you actually want not need from a partner.

  7. #6
    Member EclipseCross's Avatar
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    Maybe you should choose yourself?
    Let them all go and focus on yourself. Good luck!

  8. #7
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    paragraph breaks, please

  9. #8
    I donít know why I posted this, canít take it back now (literally canít delete these posts haha). Honestly just out for a few days with a toothache and too much time to over analyze my life. I know it is okay that Iím scared about what the future holds and still fantasize about the other possibilities. Truth is Iím happy, which is more than I can say about most people. Thanks for the advice... I donít want three guys just one! Iím glad I donít know you either rubixcube19! You must live an interesting life.. just kidding :) it is pretty clear that you donít if you are spending your time on this website insulting people.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by AvalonRose
    I donít know why I posted this, canít take it back now (literally canít delete these posts haha). Honestly just out for a few days with a toothache and too much time to over analyze my life. I know it is okay that Iím scared about what the future holds and still fantasize about the other possibilities. Truth is Iím happy, which is more than I can say about most people. Thanks for the advice... I donít want three guys just one! Iím glad I donít know you either rubixcube19! You must live an interesting life.. just kidding :) it is pretty clear that you donít if you are spending your time on this website insulting people.
    Well just because you came here to ask for advice, doesn't mean you'll always get what you want to hear. Sorry but to me it just sounds like you like all the attention. You like having all these guys fighting over you. In the end though, unless you're all polyamorous, I don't think they will stick around.

    Personally I would not continue with any of them but of course it's your choice. Again you wanted some advice and opinions, so these are just my opinions.

    I would not continue with Guy 1 because it just sounds like that relationship has run its course. You got together in high school, you were very young at the time. Your relationship had been on and off. Usually on and off means that the relationship has a lot of issues. His drinking sounds like a bad problem and if it got to the point of getting kicked out of bars, criminal activity and jail, that is a serious red flag. I don't think you 100% want to be with Guy 1, I think you're dying for a change, for something new. That's why you keep breaking up with him and why you moved to a bigger city. That's why you started up with the other guys. You've got one foot always out the door in that relationship. Or more like most of your body out the door lol

    I wouldn't choose Guy 2 either because I think he's self-absorbed and his interest in you is mostly propelled by being all alpha male and jealous of the other two guys. He was saying to you at the start that he doesn't want a relationship, etc. He was probably trying to keep it casual and still play the field and see other women. But when you started seeing other guys, he got all jealous and possessive and made snide remarks. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

    Guy 3 you don't actually seem that into because you didn't give him much of your time and he doesn't feature much in your long story.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Guy#4. Not in jail, wants a gf, not just a hookup. In reality none of these are your bf and none of them are available.
    Originally Posted by AvalonRose
    I went to see guy 1 in jail
    guy 2 didnít want anything serious
    I hooked up with guy 3.

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