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Thread: BF Wants Break due to Stress

  1. #1
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    BF Wants Break due to Stress

    BF started a new job about a month ago that has heavier work hours and intensity. They have a big deadline next month and everyone on the team has been working 17+ hour days.

    Since the job started, we have been spending less time together and talking less. Several days ago he told me (through a lot of tears)that he's been so overwhelmed with the increased hours and it adds to his stress that he isn't able to spend as much time with me or be there for me as much as I deserve. He wants to be on a break until the deadline is over, but still wants to talk and hang out when we are able.

    Not sure how to best proceed. I am definitely focusing on living my own life and not focusing on him. I just don't know if this is even worth my energy to consider at all. It's been really hard

  2. #2
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    Your boyfriend doesn’t make sense by saying he wants to spend time with you but is too stressed to be in a relationship.

    I don’t understand his rationale. Unless you want something casual I say go for it.


    If you want someone more invested who doesn’t make excuses no matter how busy they get. Tell that boyfriend the break needs to be a break up!

    You deserve better!

  3. #3
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    Why do you have to take a "break" if he still has time to talk and hang out occasionally?

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    Agree, his rationale for this break makes absolutely zero sense.

    I would translate his need for a "break" to mean he has met a new woman at this new job, and he wants to explore things with her.

    If they don't work out, he has you to fall back on.

    The tears give it away, at least for me. They're guilt tears.

    If this were me, I would wish him well on the new job, but that I have chosen to move on.

    Bye.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Smoothie58's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Agree, his rationale for this break makes absolutely zero sense.

    I would translate his need for a "break" to mean he has met a new woman at this new job, and he wants to explore things with her.

    If they don't work out, he has you to fall back on.

    The tears give it away, at least for me. They're guilt tears.

    If this were me, I would wish him well on the new job, but that I have chosen to move on.

    Bye.
    This.
    You don’t end a relationship (or break from it) because you’re busy or stressed. You expect your partner to support you and work through difficult times. I mean can you imagine every time he has a stressful week at work, you have to expect a “break”

    He is 100 percent interested in someone new and wants to explore it, but doesn’t want to lose you entirely Incase it doesn’t work out.

    You deserve better

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I wouldn't assume "break" to mean anything other than what he's asked for. Has he said he wants a break from being in a relationship with you? Or are you perhaps complaining about a lack of attention during these 17+ hour days and he's essentially asking for a break from these expectations? It can be difficult to discern whether he's someone who simply can't cut it when the going gets tough or whether your expectations may be unreasonable.

    There's a big difference in whether he wants a break from the relationship altogether, as in he wants to free himself of any strings and technically be free to date who'd he like, and then him not wanting to be beholden to, for example, calling you or texting as often as you'd like or expect. The former would be difficult for me to spin positively even with my best efforts.

  8. #7
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    So here is when you learn what your relationship is made of. I've been where your boyfriend is with respect to work stress. And I literally couldn't see my boyfriend as much - there are only 24 hours in a day. And I was ridiculously stressed -I remember losing it at a restaurant because a waiter looked at me sideways- just a bundle of nerves. Yes it put a strain on things and yes we had dates which consisted of my boyfriend bringing take out food to my office and we'd have "dinner" for 20 minutes. But it never would have occurred to me to go on a break or break up - I mean those are the times you have each other to get through those rough times.

    Sure, if I'd just met someone new at that particular time I likely would have told the person that I wanted to go on a date as soon as possible but work was going to get in the way for the next period of time. But if you already are a couple you stick it out. If you don't that's fine but it just tells me there's more than just "too busy".

    I'm sorry.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by glittergirl2
    . He wants to be on a break until the deadline is over, but still wants to talk and hang out when we are able.
    See this^ is what makes no sense and why I believe he's met a new woman on the new job.

    If he has time to talk and hang out apparently as "friends" since you're on a break, why can he not hang out and talk whenever he's able as your "boyfriend"?

    Why the break?

    Sometimes you just gotta use common sense!

    The reason is because he wants to be free to date this new woman; she most likely wouldn't agree to go out with him while he was in a relationship with you.

    So he uses the ole "needs a break" (translation: temporary break up) so he's free to pursue her.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why do you have to take a "break" if he still has time to talk and hang out occasionally?
    I just read this -- exactly!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Ehhhh. I get the stress thing. OP, I bet he just feels pressure from work AND you AND whatever else and he’s trying to eliminate some form of pressure. Try and do small, quick things to improve his life - like offer to do his laundry, grocery shop, or meal prep. When I was working 15-18 hour days, if my then boyfriend had offered that, it would’ve alleviated a lot of stress.

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