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Thread: tired of my wife overreacting to everything.

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by Batya33

    It's about respect - even if sometimes the united front falls apart or almost -if you respect each other then you can rebalance quickly and get back on track. But you have to have that foundation of respect. Oh and love too!
    Exactly!

    I have my doubts that she respects you, but you still have not answered my earlier questions, do you respect her? And love her?

  2. #42
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    Sometimes people get gridlocked into a pattern -- one is the instigator, the other is the foil.
    Sometimes it shocks people when you don't fulfill your "role".

    The next time she puts up a fuss - don't get into your usual power struggle.
    If you know she hits the wall when the playroom is not clean - you have your son clean it with your guidance/help
    If the routine is for her to storm on home and start ordering your child around and you say "lay off" - instead when she comes home do something else "i am going outside." And don't be there for your usual roll of trying to diffuse her. It will shock her as all get out if she has no one to disagree with or nag about

  3. #43
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    I think your wife has enormous anger at you for your financial situation and your job choices and she is putting your child in the middle of her anger. Although you downplayed your refusal to get a job while your business failed, and now you are a trader, that probably put her in a very bad position when she was not able to get a job. That is a big deal. Is she handling it well? No. Are you handling it well? Probably not, because you are not seeing how that made the problems you are facing.

    Really, the only way to deal with is marital counseling. That can help both of you deal with built up anger and learn to communicate and parent better. This is not something that can be fixed by little chats and strategies. A good marriage counselor, and two people who actually want to improve a relationship, can really make changes. But you have to find a counselor, make the appointments, and do the work.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't quibble and bicker.

    When my son was a toddler and preschooler, I had to chase him all over the house in order to get him to take a bite of food. He simply was never interested in eating, period. He eventually grew up and nowadays he eats everything. He's more daring than his parents when it comes to high cuisine. Go figure.

    Don't lose sleep over this.

    I suggest professional marriage counseling intervention. Your wife's problem is more than about bread 'n butter and rewards. She has psychological and control issues. This is the root of the problem before deciding how to raise your son.

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  6. 07-06-2019, 02:39 AM

  7. #45
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Pick your battles. This isn't about bread crust, it's about damaging your kids with a power struggle and bickering over nonsense. Get into marriage therapy asap. Also you need some guidance on parenting. It's not a prison system. Your wife is correct . Your parenting seems draconian, damaging and woefully misguided. Obsessing over bread crust is your issue, not your kids.
    Originally Posted by silver756
    i tried the rewarding approach and told him that if he eats the whole bread any day he gets 1 point, and after 20points i will reward him with a gift.
    now i may be wrong for this approach but i dont think i deserve to be looked at like a criminal for this.
    however my wife reacted that way. ,"how can you do this to him? how can you force him to eat full bread. you have no right to reward him over food and eating habits. ask anyone and they will tell you how bad it is to do this to a child. you are traumatising him".

  8. #46
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    How was your marriage before you had a child? How long did you two date before you married? I am trying to understand if these problems have always existed and you just didn't know each other well enough to really see them yet, or if these really started cropping up when your lack of employment became an issue.

    I maintain that I really don't think the main problem is parenting. Your wife seems to be very angry with you, but cloaks that anger as related to child-rearing. She might not even consciously realize she is doing this, but that's how I read it. There are other things bothering her. Perhaps it's frustration from the years you didn't work; maybe there's more to it.

    I would strongly recommend marital counselling for you two. If not for your own sake, and hers, then for your son's. Sooner or later, he is going to become much more aware of the tension between you two and it will affect him.

  9. #47
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are painting yourself as a victim of your wife. Yet the tug of war takes two. Your child, not you, is the victim here. The victim of two adults riding on their high horses and whining about each other being "wrong". You need marriage therapy to sort all this out. Stop using the "saving the world" bs to justify your bread crust nonsense. Stop bickering over pennies and dimes.

  10. #48
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by silver756
    i really need help guys, my wife over reacts to the tiniest issue and makes it a huge deal. how do i handle this?
    Without even reading the full post, I already can tell you that she's over reacting to everything because there is an unresolved issue, like you have done something but not noticed you have done it, shes waiting for you talk to her or at least acknowledge a mistake somewhere along the line. She will probably vent pretty hard at you if you talk to her about it but after that, the air should be clear and she will go back to normal.

  11. #49
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by silver756
    this can also come across as passive, which in and of itself can be frustrating and annoying...
    please can you tell me what i should do to change this? as in how do i stop being easy going. she too has mentioned it indirectly. give me your suggestions.
    Easy going doesn't mean being so passive that your wife feels as though she's the only parent in a household with two children. If she believes that you are dismissive of her concerns, that can feel like a big burden on her shoulders, and it will breed resentment.

    I'd step up my side of conversations with supportive statements, even when you don't agree. For instance, "I hear that this is important to you." "I can understand your position on this." "I didn't think of that, so let me consider it."

    Don't follow with "but...," which only negates anything you've said before the "but..."

    You can build wife's trust in your judgement over time by allowing some of the small stuff to go her way. Look her in the eyes when you speak with her, make statements that confirm that you are listening to her. You can invest in skipping a few smaller arguments to build a platform of trust for fair negotiations.

    Negotiating isn't arguing, it's offering something of value to wife in exchange for something of value to you. Bribery is the fine art of showing someone why giving you what you want is in their bests interests. It's an offer to make a trade worth her while.

    Pick your battles, demonstrate a willingness to hear and understand what's important to wife--and why. From there you can ask wife to join you in learning how to negotiate with one another. If that means attending counseling together, ask her whether she'll do that with you. I wouldn't frame it as some punishment for HER behavior, that's not inspiring. Instead, I'd propose it as wanting to learn how to become a better husband for her. It can remain unspoken that she will also learn how to become a better wife for you.

    Head high, and focus on the bigger picture.

  12. #50
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.

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