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Thread: Am I crazy? (please help me)

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Your marriage is haunted, not your house. You can move 15 times, but that will not improve things. You'll simply be taking the "nightmare" with you. You haven't forgiven anything and only marriage therapy can help. You need to take responsibility for marrying her anyway knowing this as well as stop blaming her for your anxiety/depression.

    Continually punishing her for what you supposedly forgave is just an excuse to pummel her for your ongoing untreated "anxiety depression". Here are your choices. Get a full check up/treated for your issue. Get into marriage therapy and attempt to save things. Admit you're miserable and file for divorce. If you just want a new place, say so but don't make it about (both of your) indiscretions prior to marriage. That's like changing the tire when the engine is blown. You're not addressing the real issues.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-06-2019 at 05:15 AM.

  2. #12
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    So you lived together for thirteen years, then she had a year long affair which ended with a proposal/marriage?

    If so, it sounds like a marriage for all the wrong reasons. (A non-marriage?)

  3. #13
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    You keep saying that you understand the affair and "you caused it," etc. To be honest, even if you were the CAUSE of her being unfaithful, that isn't exactly any better - if anything what it shows is that your marriage is damaged at its core foundation. You've both been toxic to each other in the worst ways.

    Frankly, I cannot imagine my husband doing anything that would push me to have an affair that I wouldn't already consider splitting up over first. That's an extreme and unhealthy reaction, and since you are unwilling to explain what it was you did that caused it (it's not necessary anyway), it seems like you are not totally willing to consider the reality that your relationship with her is extremely unhealthy and unstable and you need extensive help (therapy, perhaps a trial separation), before making any big decisions about what to do next.

  4. #14
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    I don't understand how you got past the affair. You shouldn't have married her!

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Derek321
    Erm the cheating hurt, even though like I said it was me that caused it ( long story) so I understand that. And I dont think a year affair is worth throwing away over 14 years. If I had the feeling she would do it again I would have ended it in a second. I think the real issue is she donít take me serious. She had the nerve to say to me that Iím fine and her actions have had no long lasting effect on my mental state , because she has gotten over all of the horrible things I have said and done to her so I can do the same. So I feel I canít ever being up when Iím feeling low or anxious to her coz she will get annoyed / upset or think Iím beingĒ extra ď then it will end up me having to cheer her up. I know my problem with anxiety and depression is my problem and I have to deal with it myself, but I wish my wife was there for me more, like when I canít get to sleep I wish she would stay up with me a bit and talk because I would definitely do that for her but I feel Iím just being to wimpy for her at the moment she isnít impressed I feel.
    This was not a one time thing. It was a year!

    Nothing that you could ever do could excuse cheating! Nothing! Stop making excuses.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I have recently found out that when she was in her affair phase she brought the guy to my home
    How did you 'find out'?

    In my book, the only thing worse than disloyalty is stupidity.

    If I were ever manipulative enough to extract forgiveness from a partner after cheating on him, not once, but for a whole year, then I wouldn't be stupid enough to raise the subject after that--much less to tell him that I brought my lover to his home.

    So do you believe that wife really that stupid, or is she just done and manipulating you to throw her out?

  8. #17
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    Ok I will definitely get marriage help.l beucase I really do love her she is also my best friend and when I say I caused it I mean I . I told her repeatedly we are not together for months because I thought that would make her show me more attention ( stupid I know ) I put her down constantly and Iím ashamed of how I pushed her away. But yes , I donít think leaving is an option for me beucase I simply donít want to she is my best friend my life partner, I am very happy. I still donít get why she couldnít just deny a man being in the house lol . Why did she even have to admit to it. But Iím reading all replies guys and Iím very grateful for all words but I believe what I have is to good to throw away. I just need to deal with my problems and maybe I havenít truly forgiven her who knows .

  9. #18
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    Best friends do not treat one another this way.

    You are toxic together. This is also terrible for your kids.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Get rid of her!

    She is completely disrespectful and she has virtually ruined your home as she has tainted it with bad thoughts and memories.
    So bad in fact, that you can't be comfortable in your own house.

    Life is too short for that garbage. You'd be doing yourself a favour by ending the relationship and moving on.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    So, if 14 years was so sacred to you, why was she willing to run to another man rather than to come to you and tell you that something is wrong?

    You might have been a bad husband in terms of not paying enough attention, etc...but that will never be an excuse for any person to run to someone else and do what she did.

    You can be upset at yourself for not being a good husband but be reasonable here, you in no way got her to be with this man nor did you push her to be.

    She chose to go to another man as the answer to marriage problems.

    There's something wrong with her.

    If there were problems, she could have told you how bad it was. She could have threatened to leave you or even separated but in no way is it okay that she run to another man!!

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