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Thread: Do I give her space, or carry on as usual after falling out?

  1. #1

    Do I give her space, or carry on as usual after falling out?

    Hi guys
    After a year of being out of a relationship, I've been in what feels like a whirlwind romance with a girl I've recently met - we've been dating exclusively for a little over a month.
    Up until last weekend everything was great - relaxing in the park together, cooking for each other, cuddling in the sofa, etc. However, for the first time on Sunday I was "unable to perform", let's say - which has never been a problem before with us - which was entirely down to me being exhausted.
    She took this very personally, and despite it being a one off and me being really apologetic, things haven't been the same since.
    She's barely spoken to me, and when she has, it's felt more like it was for the sake of it, rather than actually wanting to carry on as we were.
    I really want things to work between us, and don't want this to ruin all the great time we spent together before.

    Should I wait to see if she starts making the effort again, bring the issue up, or try and carry how we used to and hope she decides to forget it?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    It looks like she was just interested in a friends with benefits arrangement. Are you looking for more than that? If so, I'd look elsewhere.

  3. #3
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    She sounds young; how old are you both?

    I say that because more experienced women tend to know that sometimes, male anatomy doesn't respond to stimulation - for a multitude of reasons unrelated to the man's true desire. We know that stress, fatigue, a few too many drinks, medications or plain anxiety can all affect a man's ability to rise to the occasion.

    You don't need to do anything more from here, in my opinion. You have already explained what happened; if her ego can't handle it, it isn't your problem. You might be better off with a more secure and compassionate woman who doesn't take such things so personally.

  4. #4
    Thanks for your thoughts!
    I'm 33 and she's 39. I share your thoughts - I thought due to her age that she'd be completely understanding of what happened... Especially as it wasn't an issue a couple of hours earlier! She did say that she can be quite sensitive to things previously - but I thought this could be forgiven!
    I'm thinking I'll try and message and speak to her in the same way I did before Sunday... And if she decides to not play ball, then I'll wait for her to make the effort instead, if she chooses to?!

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Mrbishman
    I'm 33 and she's 39. I share your thoughts - I thought due to her age that she'd be completely understanding of what happened... Especially as it wasn't an issue a couple of hours earlier! She did say that she can be quite sensitive to things previously - but I thought this could be forgiven!
    I'm thinking I'll try and message and speak to her in the same way I did before Sunday... And if she decides to not play ball, then I'll wait for her to make the effort instead, if she chooses to?!
    39? Good grief. I thought you were going to say she was 19 or 20.

    You can try to regain her interest if you want, but are you sure you want a woman who is this sensitive and emotionally fragile? God help you if it happens again.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Pretty shocking to hear that response from a 39-year-old woman. This is a thing that happens. To 18 yr old dudes, 28 and 38 and 48 and so on. I get that you're smitten right now, but in your shoes I'd be questioning this person, and if she's right for me, far more than coming up with a game plan to reel her back in. She sounds dramatic, immature, and self-centered—or, as she colors it, "sensitive."

    Now you're apologizing and feeling terrible for something you shouldn't have to apologize for a feel terrible about. Think about that for a moment. Do you want to be with someone who makes you feel that way?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do this. Put it behind you as a one off thing. It happens. Just continue to plan dates have fun be affectionate etc.
    Originally Posted by Mrbishman
    carry how we used to and hope she decides to forget it?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When you're supposed to be exclusive with someone and she is punishing you or putting up emotional barriers for the reason you stated, why would you want to be with such a woman? Everyone has minor flaws, but I would consider this woman to have a dealbreaker flaw. Wouldn't it create anxiety in you if attempt intimacy with her again and fear if you're not successful, that it'll send her into another pouty tailspin?

    You're getting to know who she is after spending time together. As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

  10. #9
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    Dude, this happens to every guy now and then and a 39 year old woman should be mature enough to realise that.
    Do absolutely nothing from now on and let her each out to you. If you keeping chasing her you will drive her away for good.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like she's got baggage. And..like she deliberately picked a younger guy because she had issues with this in her past. She's taking it out on you. Don't apologize more or chase. Do not be tempted to set up another session to prove anything to her or yourself. Setup a nonsexual date, relax and if she becomes an issue you'll need to cut your losses.
    Originally Posted by Mrbishman
    I'm 33 and she's 39. She did say that she can be quite sensitive to things previously

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