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Thread: I donít know if Iím invited to my boyfriendís brotherís wedding?

  1. #1
    Member khun1's Avatar
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    I donít know if Iím invited to my boyfriendís brotherís wedding?

    The bf and I have been together for 3 years already. His brother lives in another state but visits every once in a while and him and fiancť seem cool. They havenít finalized where their wedding will be and when but my bfís mom did mention that they want something small. She also told me she was looking at dresses already and hasnít said anything or hinted of me getting invited.. for some reason I feel kind of hurt.. I donít know.. should I feel bad if I wasnít invited?? And I want to ask my bf but I feel embarrassed to ask and donít want to feel stupid afterwards..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Ask your bf why you weren't invited. Ask him to ask his brother and mother.

    Keep in mind, your bf's brother and his betrothed prefer to keep their wedding small which could very well exclude you. They're on a tight budget. No hard feelings. Don't take it personally.

    There are times when you're just considered "the girlfriend" and not officially in the family tree yet.

    Don't feel bad. Blood is thicker than water.

  3. #3
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    I think your hurt feelings are premature.

    If they havenít finalized the wedding venue, they most probably havenít sent out the invites. Usually the place and time are on the invite.

    Also - I wouldnít expect you to get an invite directly? I donít think that would be customary? If anything, I would expect you to be your bfís date.

    ... but if itís a small wedding, (and especially if heís in the wedding party where he will be busy), they may not extend a +1.

    When is the wedding? Usually invites donít go out until a couple of months before the wedding. I would not ask your bf about it until then... unless the wedding is happening this fall.

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    If they haven't chosen a venue or a place, have they even set a date? I think you're worrying prematurely. Traditionally, you would not get an individual invitation as you are not really a friend of the couple. Instead, your boyfriend will be sent an invitation, and if their budget allows, he will be extended the invitation of a "plus one," meaning, he is given the option of bringing along his girlfriend (or other friend as the case may be). They may even send an invitation addressed to him and with your name on it as well (Mr. John Jones and Ms. Mary Smith) to his address, but this less likely. If you live together, then hopefully it will be addressed to both of you, but it is not a requirement. In other words, you probably won't receive your own invitation, but you can probably expect that you are invited through extension of your boyfriend as a +1.

    I don't see any reason why you shouldn't bring up the possibilities, on a casual basis, with your boyfriend, especially considering travel might be involved. Time off work and money for travel, in addition to wedding gift and possibly new clothes might be required. Invitations will go out hopefully soon enough for work arrangements to be made, but you can certainly start saving for the other expenses, just in case, and expect that when the invitations go out, you will be notified by your BF.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're jumping the gun. The bride and groom have not picked a venue, no less sent out invitations. It's not your wedding, stay out of it. Your bf will be invited/in the party and you'll be his guest. The brother's fiance is not going to send you specifically a special separate pre-invitation invitation to assuage your insecurities. Get things in perspective, you're not the bride here and not the main focus. The wedding is to celebrate their relationship, not define yours.

    The bride/ groom and their families most likely have a million other things to do than worry about your relationship with your bf. The mother can not speak for the son/future daughter-in-law and therefore shouldn't "hint" at anything.

    Chill. Why are you licking your wounds over something that hasn't happened? What's the real problem?. That his brother is happy/getting married and you are only just dating after 3 years? Be honest with yourself. This isn't about people "hinting" that you'll be invited, is it? You and your bf seem to have poor communication and you seem insecure about your place in his life.
    Originally Posted by khun1
    They havenít finalized where their wedding will be hasnít said anything or hinted of me getting invited..

  7. #6
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
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    Of course his mother is picking out her dress. That has nothing to do with invites, since - unless there is a different type of family dynamic in play with this - it's generally a given that the mother of the groom is invited to the wedding.

    I would just ask your SO what's up and if he knows the plans and if you should plan to attend. Try to keep it casual and if you do in fact find out you aren't invited, that's the time to ask why.

  8. #7
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    I was once invited to a wedding my then boyfriend was in -we were serious - he was a groomsman, good friend who I had met -in fact, the lady he was marrying was so shy/quiet that I helped plan her bridal shower lunch even though we'd met only once -(picked the restaurant etc). But I was not invited to the rehearsal dinner the night before because we were not married at the time. I actually was annoyed and my boyfriend (who I am now married to!) was really annoyed too although it was not out of town (still it meant that our typical friday night together didn't happen). But of course he went as he was the groomsman. Different/unusual things can happen with weddings and wedding events. When it's about 2 months before the date ask your boyfriend, casually "I just want to know if I should keep that weekend free".

  9. #8
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    Have they even sent out invitations yet, OP? I don't see where you are getting the notion that you will not be invited.

    Are there other issues going on in your relationship that lead you to feel edgy or a bit insecure about your position in your boyfriend's life?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    ... but if itís a small wedding, (and especially if heís in the wedding party where he will be busy), they may not extend a +1.
    Significant others are not ďplus ones.Ē They are part of a social unit and should be invited accordingly. Small wedding does not excuse poor planning on invitations.

    I had a small wedding and still made it a priority for my guests - especially my sister - to bring their SOs because it is the right thing to do. Why should I hold a ceremony celebrating my relationship, yet turn around and tell others that their relationships are not as important by not inviting whole couples??

    I agree with the posters that you shouldnít be bent out of shape over wedding invites. When I planned my wedding, invites were one of the last things I did because I wanted to know how many people a venue would allow AND budget other costs into hosting to avoid over-inviting too many people and retracting invitations (which is super rude!).

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by khun1
    They havenít finalized where their wedding will be and when but my bfís mom did mention that they want something small. She also told me she was looking at dresses already and hasnít said anything or hinted of me getting invited.. for some reason I feel kind of hurt.. I donít know.. should I feel bad if I wasnít invited??
    Leseine makes a good point. It's a little early to feel affronted:

    Originally Posted by leseine7
    Of course his mother is picking out her dress. That has nothing to do with invites, since - unless there is a different type of family dynamic in play with this - it's generally a given that the mother of the groom is invited to the wedding.
    A lot goes into the planning of weddings, and it's different for every couple. Sometimes they have to make difficult choices. It's become more and more common to extend the +1 invitation to married couples only, and for non-married people to go stag.

    If that happens in this case, yeah it will suck, but don't get too bent out of shape about it. For your own sake.

    Originally Posted by khun1
    And I want to ask my bf but I feel embarrassed to ask and donít want to feel stupid afterwards..
    I think this is a good approach:

    Originally Posted by Batya33
    When it's about 2 months before the date ask your boyfriend, casually "I just want to know if I should keep that weekend free".

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