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Thread: Potluck picnic in the park

  1. #1
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    Potluck picnic in the park

    Hi everyone,

    A guy I am dating always insist on me seeing his friends at least once. Do you know why he wanted me to meet his good friends? Is it he wants his friends approval? Is it he wants to know how his friends think about me? I have been dating this guy for two months.. seeing each other every weekend.

    So last weekend he told me that this Saturday he organized a potluck picnic and volleyball in the park with his friends and have invited me to join.

    I said yes sure I will go this time around after so many times he asked me to meet his friends but I didn't go previously.

    Over the weekend , he asked me what will you be bringing to the potluck picnic? I just told him I am not sure yet. Will think about it. He is so eager to know what I will bring.

    So yesterday, he told me that he has combined food with someone. He asked if I would like to combine food
    with someone or just bring food myself. He said his friend and him will bring BBQ chicken together. I said then I will bring food myself since I don't know any of his friends. Then he joke around and said I hope you are not just bringing food for yourself only. What do you think?

    Do you think if a guy invited a girl out as a date, the guy should just combine the food with the girl instead of his friend or he should not even bother to ask the girl to bring food as he will bring it for the two of us? What do you think?

    Do you think that he doesn't want to bring the food together with me because he doesn't want to show his friends that he is dating me? Maybe he wants to treat me as friends only towards his friends? What do you think?

    Also it's strange, he asked if I would like to combine it with someone that I don't even know or met . What do you think about this?

    Thank you for your help..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you are over thinking this! If you dont want to combine food with someone, then dont. Go to the bakery and buy a nice cake or other yummy looking dessert and take it. He's inviting you to go along because he likes you. Why does there have to be an ulterior motive? Go, have fun, meet a few new people.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm remembering back when I was dating my husband and when he introduced me to his friends.

    I think this is the time that he is expanding your social circle which includes his friends and his life with them. If he's close enough to his friends, he might ask them, "What do you think of her?" Then again, my husband never asked his friends what they thought of me because it simply didn't enter his mind to even ask them nor did he care what they thought of me. Every man is different.

    Keep in mind, your relationship with this guy you're dating is still very new at 2 months. You don't really know him that well yet.

    It was nice of him to include you in the potluck / volleyball at the park gathering. It sounds enjoyable.

    There's nothing wrong with him bringing food with someone else since he's only known you for 2 months. It's not as if you're currently official girlfriend-boyfriend material. Sure, it would've been considerate had he asked to bring a potluck dish with you. I wouldn't hold this against him.

    He made a snide comment when he told you that "he hopes you're not just bringing food for yourself only." That right there is a red flag to his character! What the heck was that all about? It's alarming to me for him to even venture to think and say that to you. It was incredibly disrespectful to be sure.

    I wouldn't make a big issue regarding who brought what food with whom. The real problem here was his cynical, insinuating comment about "your bringing food just for yourself." I'd be infuriated if anyone dare spoke to me with such rudeness.

    The food thing doesn't have anything to do with him not showing his friends that he is dating you.

    You should ask him directly regarding the questions in your post and get straight answers from him. The beginning and entire relationship should be about honesty and being forthright.

    The real question you should be asking this guy is WHY he made the comment about "hoping you're not just bringing food for yourself only." His character is perceived as off and abnormal if he's already making rude comments to you so easily. It's a reflection of his mind which is troubling and disturbing.

    Make sure your radar is up.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I think you are over thinking this! If you dont want to combine food with someone, then dont. Go to the bakery and buy a nice cake or other yummy looking dessert and take it. He's inviting you to go along because he likes you. Why does there have to be an ulterior motive? Go, have fun, meet a few new people.
    What she said ^

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  6. #5
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    I do not find it odd that he wants to include you with, and have you meet his friends. It's been two months. Of course there will be feedback, and probably all good, so stop worrying.

    I do feel that as a new, two-month relationship, he should have added you to his potluck contribution and not expected you to do too much as someone who is brand new to the group, and really brand new in a relationship, more of a guest. If not that, then at least give you some choices, like him and his friend are bringing BBQ chicken, so you can bring some rolls or some drinks, potato salad, or napkins. As my guest, I wouldn't have expected you to do anything, but maybe cook together or you can supply a couple ingredients needed or cheap extras, chips, rolls, that sort of thing....unless of course they wanted to do something else, which would also be fine.

    As for you, I would probably just grab some pastries or cupcakes or bring drinks. Ask your BF if he knows of any "fillers" needed like condiments or paper products or dip...that sort of thing. Surely you've been to potlucks before and you have some ideas to draw from and some favorites.

  7. #6
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    What Melancholy123 said. But please do not do what I did. I went to a potluck like that -same time of year (but I was so excited to meet his friends -and nervous). So they went to play baseball in the field and I am not athletic so I sat on a picnic bench in my oh so cute shorts to watch the game and cheer on my boyfriend. Didn't see the yummy fudge brownie remnants on the bench. Light colored shorts. You know what that looked like when I got up. No change of clothes either.

    (If I remember right my then boyfriend and I brought a dish or dessert as a couple - I don't think I brought something separate -had I done so it would have been something non perishable or beer/wine I guess).

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Didn't see the yummy fudge brownie remnants on the bench. Light colored shorts. You know what that looked like when I got up. No change of clothes either.
    Oh God, hahahahaha

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It's an old fashioned way of vetting a date

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Do you think that he doesn't want to bring the food together with me because he doesn't want to show his friends that he is dating me?
    He offered you the option to go in with him on the chicken, or not. You chose not.

    I get that you're nervous, but you're trying to read stuff into things that can just be taken at face value. He's excited that you're joining him and his friends for a picnic. He tried to make it simple for you to just pitch in on the chicken, but you've set yourself up to bring mystery food. So do that, go and enjOy.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You seem to have a negative point of view on everything, expecting the worst scenario for every little thing about this gathering. If at this point he'd never asked you to meet any of his friends, would you start wondering if he was embarrassed to have them meet you? Lighten up and enjoy any time you're with your bf, without looking for underlying messages in his actions like you're trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics.

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