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Thread: Does it seem like my friend is trying to distance herself from me?

  1. #1
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    Does it seem like my friend is trying to distance herself from me?

    I have a friend who I have known for 18 mths & actively had a great friendship with up until maybe 2 mths ago. She has a daughter the same age as mine so we have always hung out with the kids, eating out, movies & all the typical things friends do. We are both single mums & also had many a night out on the town drinking & dancing the night away with our other mutual friends. As friends do we have actively liked Facebook posts & other things on Social Media. I don't get to go out for nights on the town as much as what she does as my daughters father doesn't have the typical fortnightly weekend visits so I only get a night out one Saturday a month when I organise a paid babysitter. I don't drink as much as what she does and currently putting most of my money towards my overseas vacation I am taking in August. Even though we are both busy with work etc we always caught up regularly. I have however noticed the past 2 months where she has suddenly become quite flaky with me, changing plans we made for stupid reasons, arriving 30 mins late to breakky one morning with no text to give me a heads up & no apology when she finally arrived (it turns out she decided to have a big night out the night before spur of the moment & was obviously slightly hungover the next morning). She no longer acknowledges my Facebook posts & recently ignored my invitation to her to follow my new Facebook Business page for a new business venture I'm trying to get off the ground. When I post stuff up about my daughter getting an award at school or about my upcoming holiday or anything that matters she doesn't acknowledge it even though I constantly like all her stuff.

    The only time she acknowledges me now is when she is entering a Facebook competition and she needs to tag some friends to go into the draw & the occassional funny meme I might put up.
    Right now I'm starting to think she is jelous of my upcoming vacation, new business/hobby and my determination to succeed with other things.

    She also has not included me in certain outings and although I understand she has other friends and so do I, I kind of feel like she could have included me at times.

    Recently we were both at a group lunch and she didn't sit near me nor try to make conversation with me. I asked her if everything was OK with us and she said yes but I'm not sure I really believe that.

    We caught up for dinner with our kids just a few nights ago and we chatted and things felt ok.

    Leading up to the dinner she was flaky and forgot to get back to me on the venue I had suggested and I had to remind her with another message. Fri night she went out for dinner with her daughter and usually she would have asked my daughter and I to join but not this time. I saw her post on facebook, that's how I know. My gut is telling me something is not right.

    Personally I think that she may have some resentment or jelousy going on internally towards me as I've been doing so many good things with my life lately: 12 Night vacation with my 7 yr old, a 4 day mini getaway in Jan coming up, I've lost a heap of weight because I'm motivated abd watching what I eat and drink and walking for 30 mins each day and have cut back on the alcohol consumption while she goes to the gym and then wipes all her work away by drinking. I've recently started a part time hobby from home making and selling dog treats and it's going well for me, I'm starting to make some money out of it. Plus I know that she feels my 8 mth old puppy has taken up more of my time as her young daughter let it accidentally slip one time when she was over for a playdate. (mind you at the time my pup had just had a de sexing procedure so she needed extra time and care from me).

    About a month ago she made a group social event on the facebook group we are on to go watch Seafire (fireworks competiond held every year on the beach). We did it last year with a group of our friends and kids and sat on the sand and had our yummy food we packed and had a great night. She organised the same this year and then on the day she decided to change the location from sitting on the beach to watching it from a new friends apartment. She used some excuse that she was still snuffly from her cold she had a while ago and that she didn't want to sit out in the cold night air. Some decided to go and watch from the apartment with her but I stuck to my guns and said my daughter and I are going to rug up and stay on the beach where the vibe and atmosphere is. There were a couple of other friends who preferred that as well. Maybe she is annoyed because I didn't change my plans to suit her however I'm annoyed that she chose to spend the evening up in the apartment with a brand new friend she has only known for a couple months over our long standing friendship... i pretty much got jilted for the new friend when I refused to conform to the new plans... where was the loyalty to our friendship? Then the next morning she was 30 mins late to our breakfast catchup...

    Last night I sent a message to the messenger group of ladies we are in (we are all good friends in this group) abd I asked everyone how their week was. The ones that saw the question answered except for her.

    Earlier last week I sent her a private message wishing her a good week so it's not like I'm not being a good friend and not initiating stuff with her.

    I'm actually feeling confused.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't obsess over this friend anymore because she's not acting like a friend. Don't even bother. Leave her alone.

    It really doesn't matter what she thinks whether she's jealous of you, insecure or whatever is irritating her. You need to let her go and let her be. You have better things to do than fret over someone who doesn't care about you nor puts forth the same effort and care into the friendship as you expect and willing to do. She's a lost cause.

    Return the favor. If she ignores you on FB or social media, do the same. You don't have to partake in anything.

    Just remain polite, civil and peaceful since you share mutual friends. Never gossip, bad mouth her and don't cause trouble. Play it safe by not getting messy. Be above it, take the higher road and be the bigger person in all this. Act with grace.

    She's distancing herself from you so you do the same. Keep a civil, safe distance. Follow her cue and give her what she wants. She's drifting apart from you so respect your wishes and go your separate ways.

    Surround yourself with good, honorable, very moral people. Keep everyone else at arm's length. Treat everyone with respect including her yet don't get chummy close. Enforce healthy boundaries always.

  3. #3
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    Yes, it seems like she is distacing herself from you.

    Why? It could be for the reasons you mentioned. It could be anything really. When this has happened in my life, I let them go. If we're civil, great. If not, meh. I don't bother with people who don't reciprocate interest.

  4. #4
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    Does it seem like my friend is trying to distance herself from me?

    I guess its just sad and disappointing as we were so close. I feel like what the hell did I do, why did she change towards me. I just don't understand and it hurts, I'm not gonna lie.
    Last edited by Stephy2016; 07-05-2019 at 05:57 AM. Reason: Error in sentence

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    I'm hurt but what can I do. I knew my gut instinct was right and your opinion has confirmed it.

    I thought I was a good friend, I've had her daughter over for so many playdates when she needed her watched and I've had her daughter for at least 3 sleepovers as well, she on the other hand as only ever offered and had my daughter over for a sleepover once and that was way back last year.

    There have been many times I've offered and driven us in to wherever we were going but she has never extended that to me once.

    Currently some of her belongings are on my garage because we did a car boot sale one morning somewhere and she didn't sell all of her stuff so she has just left it all in my garage for when we do another one in 4 mths when the weather warms up again.

    I've since sold the stuff I really wanted to sell and so for me I don't have anything substantial to sell at the next Car Boot sale so I'm not sure whether I just tell her that and ask her to come pick up all the stuff she left behind......I have a feeling she will probably get annoyed as she doesn't have alot of room at her home so it suits her to store it as my place because my space is bigger and plus she would be relying on putting her stuff in my car to transport to the Car Boot.

    I don't see why I should do that for her when I'm not even going to go to the Car boot anymore.....why would I sit around all morning with her watching her sell her stuff, makes no sense.

    Plus she does so little for me.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stephy2016
    I guess its just sad and disappointing as we were so close. I feel like what the hell did I do, why did she change towards me. I just don't understand and it hurts, I'm not gonna lie.
    Listen, it happens. People who self-sabotage tend to have a visceral negative reaction to the success of others. It comes from a lack of self-awareness, and thus she probably doesn't even realize that she's behaving the way that she is. She's probably putting it all on you in her mind, victimizing herself in some vague, passive way.

    As you become more successful, you will find that some of your friends will drop off.

    Let them go. They are dead weight.

    It's a sad story, but quite common.

    Wish those friends well, but move on.

    The friends who remain will be supportive and unthreatened.

  8. #7
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    I understand that you obviously really value this friend but is 1.5 years really a very "long standing friendship"? If you were really close then do you think that was mostly because your daughters are friends? From your post it seems like maybe you are more invested in this friendship than she is. She is also allowed to have other friends and allowed to have time just with her and her daughter.

    Even if she is jealous of your holidays, etc. if she's going to end the friendship over it then that's pretty immature. She may still want to be friends but maybe she doesn't want to be "best friends" per se. I mean it seems kind of obvious that she doesn't want to be as close as you want to be. She may have actually just wanted someone to go out drinking with in her spare time. And since you don't really drink much, it might be not suitable to her.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Perhaps she senses your simmering irritation that you think liking Facebook posts needs to be exactly even for you, along with other sensed wrongs. Even if you don't voice things, intuitive people know how you're feeling. Your expectations for a friendship are different than hers.

    Just as cowardly guys try to get the girl to do the breaking up instead of him, he starts behaving badly to spur that on. Maybe her being late and needing a reminder on another occasion was for similar reasons.Since you're regularly upset more than satisfied with this friendship, it's probably time to let this friendship fade to the back burner, just as she has done.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    This is what I have learned from life...

    All my life I was a pleaser, doing everything to keep everyone happy, always putting myself last. I did this with friends and family. Finally, I realized that all of my relationships were a one way street, so I stopped pleasing, started putting myself first, and stopped being the one to initiate contact.

    I no longer hear from any of my "friends" or my family.

    That says it all - I was living a lie. And I learned that people have no respect for you if you are a push-over.

    Not saying this is your case, just thought I'd share.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You will learn that friends will come and go throughout your life. Some are keepers and others will drift away. That's life.

    I only have a few close friends. My BFF is a local friend whom I've been close with ever since I was 9 years old. This is rare. Most friends waltzed into my life during adulthood. I have another friend from 20 years ago and she's a nice friend but we're not as close as my BFF because her husband is currently battling terminal cancer.

    I have a lot of acquaintances in my life, I socialize with relatives and in-laws.

    My BFF is important to me and others? I'm nice to them but we're not overly chummy-close. It's just the way I like it, too.

    Friends are nice to have but some friends transform into high maintenance.

    Try not to busy yourself with focusing on friends. They're very busy with their own lives. Everyone is very busy. Make your world smaller because you'll be happier and focus on yourself and immediate family.

    I agree with Camber 2019. I was once a people pleaser to all. I don't over do it anymore.

    Enforce healthy boundaries with others and you'll be much happier.

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