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Thread: Need help

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long did you date before marrying? Was this an arranged marriage? Was he like this then or before you became pregnant? He does not seem to enjoy your company and is avoiding you and your marriage and pregnancy. Marriage therapy may help with communication more so than arguing and repeated disappointments.

    Right now you are already in an avoidance-nagging-avoidance-more nagging-more avoidance cycle. It will get much worse after the child is born.
    Originally Posted by Sanakhatib20
    Has had plans on weekends with his friends when I have to sit home or stay at his friends house with his wife. He generally comes home by 7 and is always either watching tv or on his phone.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    So you get to spend time with his friends, so you are not lonely.

    So your complaint is you don't see him enough. What if I told you that the times he does spend with you are more enjoyable because of that? Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sanakhatib20
    I also don't feel that he should not socialize. It was about going out the very next day we had a fight and he promised to make more time.
    How much more time? He spends several hours every evening with you from the sounds of it, and his plan was to be home 15 minutes after his usual time.

    You need to be more specific about what you want from him. Complaining that he doesn't spend time with you isn't going to work. Think about what you really need, and ask for it, in a calm manner.

    The other thing I suggest is doing some activities outside of the relationship that will occupy your mind more and make you more independent, as well as bring you happiness and fulfillment. Relying on your husband to fill those needs is only going to leave you dissatisfied and unhappy. It's up to you to meet your own needs first. If you are radiating sunshine and positivity, people (your husband) will want to be around you more to share your energy.

  4. #14
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    So my perspective -fight this battle after the baby arrives because as others commented then he will be a co-parent and of course you will need a breather after his long day at work! I remember New Years Eve before our baby was born. I was so tired and in my last trimester -no way was I going to waddle out in the freezing cold to be out at midnight. I was going to be out at midnight- out as in sleeping most likely. But at 8pm or so I still was up and a few of my husband's friends were going to go grab some dinner - I told him to go with my blessing -why should he sit home with me New Year's Eve when we had a baby coming in the next few months and his friends wanted to meet for dinner? He did say he'd be home in time to ring in the New Year and he was and I think I was mostly awake.
    OK -if he'd said he wanted to go out drinking (not his thing but if) till all hours well then maybe no if it would then wake me when he came in plus miss out on ringing in the new year as newlyweds.

    Please please try to be flexible -there will be plenty of times you must have him home RIGHT NOW once the baby is born.

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  6. #15
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    It sounds like you had a conversation about your expectations of him. You are demanding more time. I wonder how often you have conversations about his expectations of you. Have you asked him what he needs from you to have a fulfilling relationship with you? Do you know what he needs from you that he is not getting?

    If you have those kinds of conversations, be prepared for him to say things you were not expecting. You may not like some of the things he says. Thatís ok. Remain silent. If you become defensive, you will miss an opportunity to build intimacy with him. Your conversations need to include your sex life as well.

    Most women donít check in with their man to ensure he is fulfilled in the relationship. They, instead, voice all the things they need. Most men are not fulfilled in their relationships. They are called misogynist or other names for saying they have needs as a man.

    If you donít dedicate more time to asking about his needs, expect he will spend more time away from home to get fulfillment from life. Also, donít be surprised if the 2 of you want some of the same things to happen. Except, no one has voiced it.

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