Have I got it right?

It’s been two years since I lost the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I’m finally ready to get back into dating but need to know if I am still in touch with what women want long and short term.

Women between the ages of 18 to 35 want:

- excitement, mystery and maybe even a touch of fantasy at the beginning.

- then midway, want to know his social circle, how he treats others, to know he’s real, can he provide security for her and that he values her worth in the relationship.

And finally:

- if she has an ultimate future with him such as long-term dating, moving in together, buying a dog etc.

I know it all might be obvious to some, but I really do want to hear if I have it right or if I am or out of touch. The breakup really screwed with me and It feels like forever since I have even LOOKED at another woman.

Thanks in advance.

That's a big age range! I'd say the younger ones want that excitement and mystery..they want to be romanced and treated.

The older ones want to know that you have a secure job and that you are reliable.

I'd say the rest is pretty accurate...

Geez, I would agree with loyal, the younger ones want a good time and to have the excitement/mystery...not so much the long term though. You want to have fun when you're young, you're not ready to get settled down that young.

Marriage normally isn't on most people's mind till at least 25. After 25, yes, the dog etc...but again, it depends on the woman. Not all want the marriage, dog etc.

Some just want a nice time with no commitments.

Hard to generalize for everyone like this. But for the most part I think the above is closer to the truth but it's not every single woman.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you together? What was the breakup about? How long ago was that? Have you tried dating apps? Some women may want marriage and kids and many want exclusive dating when sex happens. More so than a dog, they want some level of commitment and loyalty.

Women between the ages of 18 to 35 want

I think the "what do men/women want?" thinking is backwards. I would focus on finding what YOU want rather than trying to be something that someone else wants.

Too big an age range OP... 18 year olds are still basically children vs 35 year olds that have been adulting for awhile. At 18 I wanted no responsibility or commitment... I wanted to be free and have fun and party and go on adventures. At 35 I had a career, was somewhat stable and was eager to settle down.

Do you know what you want in a relationship OP? I think considering what you can offer others is good, you also need to consider what is important to you. I think you have the basics down but you need to get more focused on what you want.

I think you're generalizing too much.

I can't speak for every woman but most women whom I know in the 18 to 35 range want a guy who has his act together meaning high quality character, integrity, education taken care of, a solid job, comfortable standard of living and smooth life. Those types of men are real 'catches' and tend to be taken early or so I've noticed.

Mystery, fantasy and excitement are all well and good but it's so superficial, fleeting and can get old really fast. It's not as enduring as the basic checklist.

How he treats others goes back to stellar, moral character, decency, courtesy, integrity, poise, aplomb and respectable, honorable qualities. If he has all that, naturally people flock to those types and socializing is normal and fine.

It's those core values that are most important.

Btw, 18 is young and I wasn't ready to settle down at 18. I'd say after college years is when a lot of women want a career, a mature man either for a long term commitment or marriage.

There are some party girls, promiscuous women, non-committal types and all sorts out there.

What type of woman do you want? What can you offer?

Wow, I didn’t realise I had so many responses. I was only notified of one.

That's a big age range! I'd say the younger ones want that excitement and mystery..they want to be romanced and treated.

The older ones want to know that you have a secure job and that you are reliable.

 

I'd say the rest is pretty accurate...

It is a big age range! I do enjoy the spark of life that a younger woman brings. Its not necessarily about her body. I also date women my age which is around 30 but find that they invest less in a relationship? They are a bit more take it or leave it? I have dated a couple of 50-year olds. Let’s just say I’ll never try that again. It’s my experience anyway.

I think you are right in your response though. Thanks for the reply. You have helped me make a big decision.

Geez, I would agree with loyal, the younger ones want a good time and to have the excitement/mystery...not so much the long term though. You want to have fun when you're young, you're not ready to get settled down that young.

 

Marriage normally isn't on most people's mind till at least 25. After 25, yes, the dog etc...but again, it depends on the woman. Not all want the marriage, dog etc.

Some just want a nice time with no commitments.

 

Hard to generalize for everyone like this. But for the most part I think the above is closer to the truth but it's not every single woman.

I do agree. With her and you. And honestly I do try and not generalise women. I know you ladies don’t like to be lumped together as all the same.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you together? What was the breakup about? How long ago was that? Have you tried dating apps? Some women may want marriage and kids and many want exclusive dating when sex happens. More so than a dog, they want some level of commitment and loyalty.

We were together for only a year. It was the best and worst year of my life. I have been with other women longer (much longer) but this woman meant everything to me, words can’t even describe. She felt like my soul mate. We couldn’t keep it together though.

What would usually be the case is, I would say something, she would take it way out of context, I would apologise and try to make it right, the more I tried, the worse things would get then all of a sudden I would cop a tirade of nothing but abuse for 4 days straight till she would calm down and make up then everything would be loving and perfect till the next time. One day everything imploded. There is more to it then that but that is another story and one I might share one day with a stiff drink in my hand.

(That actually felt really good to get off my chest, thanks for asking.)

I think the "what do men/women want?" thinking is backwards. I would focus on finding what YOU want rather than trying to be something that someone else wants.

And see, I do agree with this as well. I nearly didn’t make the post. I think it was more about the acknowledgement that I finally was ready to move on. And to help me make a decision.

I think you're generalizing too much.

 

I can't speak for every woman but most women whom I know in the 18 to 35 range want a guy who has his act together meaning high quality character, integrity, education taken care of, a solid job, comfortable standard of living and smooth life. Those types of men are real 'catches' and tend to be taken early or so I've noticed.

 

Mystery, fantasy and excitement are all well and good but it's so superficial, fleeting and can get old really fast. It's not as enduring as the basic checklist.

 

How he treats others goes back to stellar, moral character, decency, courtesy, integrity, poise, aplomb and respectable, honorable qualities. If he has all that, naturally people flock to those types and socializing is normal and fine.

 

It's those core values that are most important.

Now this by far is the best post yet. This is exactly what I am looking for! Thank you.

Btw, 18 is young and I wasn't ready to settle down at 18. I'd say after college years is when a lot of women want a career, a mature man either for a long term commitment or marriage.

 

There are some party girls, promiscuous women, non-committal types and all sorts out there.

 

What type of woman do you want? What can you offer?

I know exactly what you mean. I realise I did choose a really wide range of age but that’s only because, well I don’t know what I want yet. I honestly don’t. I do know I want to start dating again. And I am not, most definitely a one-night stand kind of guy.

I also did the whole beginning, middle, end thing because my post didn’t feel complete without it. I guess I am being to general but building the post was an on the fly thing. I built it as it came into my head.

A teenager may have these goals but a grown woman will want some sort of real commitment and perhaps kids, marriage etc. Also "excitement, mystery etc" sounds like tips from a pickup artist site but has very little to do with interpersonal relationships and building rapport and trust. If you get on some dating apps and start reading what local women in your age range want, you'll get a better idea.

Keep in mind an 18 y/o teenager may want a dog/playing house but a woman in her mid 20-30s may want marriage kids or may already have kids. Your age range it too wide. If you state that on your dating profile it looks like you are trawling for anything that answers and that you need this extreme range because you are desperate and need a huge net.

if she has an ultimate future with him such as long-term dating, moving in together, buying a dog etc.

A teenager may have these goals but a grown woman will want some sort of real commitment and perhaps kids, marriage etc. Also "excitement, mystery etc" sounds like tips from a pickup artist site but has very little to do with interpersonal relationships and building rapport and trust. If you get on some dating apps and start reading what local women in your age range want, you'll get a better idea.

 

Keep in mind an 18 y/o teenager may want a dog/playing house but a woman in her mid 20-30s may want marriage kids or may already have kids. Your age range it too wide. If you state that on your dating profile it looks like you are trawling for anything that answers and that you need this extreme range because you are desperate and need a huge net.

*EDIT* Ok, so I am not sure why my previous post did not come through, maybe it was the length of the post because I replied to everyone. So sorry for the frustration. This post might be a little more specific towards certain attributes of my original post anyway.

I assume that because I am new, my posts need moderator approval. Frustrating but none the less, understandable. When my post (of which I did several hours ago) is approved you might understand a little more of where I am coming from. I can also assure you that I am not one for dating apps or anything the like. I am no trawler either. The thought of using apps and flirting with everything that moves really turns me off. Like I said in my previous post. I don't know what I want, which is why I was so broad in my original post.

I build a strong friendship with any woman I am interested in long before I even consider dating her. That might not work for some, but it does work for me and I much prefer it that way (I indeed have good reasons behind that method.)

First of all, you need to figure out what you want because generally women don't want a relationship doesn't have direction whatsoever. They want to know where they stand, what you want, they'll tell you what they want and go from there. You can't just not know anything otherwise you are perceived as insecure and unstable and you will make women feel unsteady as well.

Many women prefer to build a trusting friendship first so it's something you'll have in common. Not every woman wishes to immediately plunge into a relationship without getting to know you first.

Usually, women have different requirements based upon which stage in life they're at. You cannot lump them altogether because it's unrealistic.

First of all, you need to figure out what you want because generally women don't want a relationship doesn't have direction whatsoever.

Hi Cherylyn. I do plan to do exactly that. If you have a read of my last post on page one, you would see that I do take a lot of time before I even attempt a date or relationship with someone.

They want to know where they stand, what you want, they'll tell you what they want and go from there. You can't just not know anything otherwise you are perceived as insecure and unstable and you will make women feel unsteady as well.

All I know right now is that I am ready to start dating again, I haven't gone out on the town or even tried to flirt with anyone yet. I don't want anyone in my circle. don't want anyone from my circle to set me up with anyone. I want to find someone brand new. I dont know who or where yet. When it happens, it happens.

Many women prefer to build a trusting friendship first so it's something you'll have in common. Not every woman wishes to immediately plunge into a relationship without getting to know you first.

Like I said in my last post on page one, I do take a long time before I attempt to flirt and date a woman. I do not plunge at all.

Usually, women have different requirements based upon which stage in life they're at. You cannot lump them altogether because it's unrealistic.

I really am starting to regret my original post as people are not taking the post as I intended it. It was perhaps 3am in the morning as I wrote it, so maybe that's my fault for constructing it that way, however. It's all good as everyone has been really helpful and I have what I need out of this thread.

At this point I am only answering peoples replies as they come. Besides I find this forum neat so I might just stick around. It's a massive forum!

need to know if I am still in touch with what women want long and short term.

Mass marketing is great for companies targeting an 'audience,' but if your goal is to find a good match for yourself, it's pretty pointless to think of women as a marketing segment.

Start with what YOU want. From there you can screen out anyone who doesn't want the same things or doesn't own the capacity to appreciate your unique value. You won't pretzel yourself shooting for mass appeal, and you can narrow your scope to those looking for the same things that you want to offer.

EnjOy!

First of all, you need to figure out what you want because generally women don't want a relationship doesn't have direction whatsoever. They want to know where they stand, what you want, they'll tell you what they want and go from there. You can't just not know anything otherwise you are perceived as insecure and unstable and you will make women feel unsteady as well.

Nailed it. It’s ok to not know right now.... but if you want a successful relationship with someone you will need to figure it out.

Mass marketing is great for companies targeting an 'audience,' but if your goal is to find a good match for yourself, it's pretty pointless to think of women as a marketing segment.

 

Start with what YOU want. From there you can screen out anyone who doesn't want the same things or doesn't own the capacity to appreciate your unique value. You won't pretzel yourself shooting for mass appeal, and you can narrow your scope to those looking for the same things that you want to offer.

 

EnjOy!

Nailed it. It’s ok to not know right now.... but if you want a successful relationship with someone you will need to figure it out.

I have found what I want, this thread, believe it or not helped me arrive there. Put it like this. The original post was more of an introspective or even rhetorical question albeit I was expecting responses from people to help me arrive at a conclusion.

The question was “Do I want to settle down with someone, aim for long term goals etc” which I have done many times in the past or do I want to “have fun with people for a while, not settle down etc.”

I digress however, I wonder if people read the whole thread and not just the original post.

None the less, thanks for the help.

And honestly I do try and not generalise women. I know you ladies don’t like to be lumped together as all the same.

I thought this was a funny pair of contradictory sentences. I think you may generalize more than you realize.

Women between the ages of 18 to 35 want:

 

- excitement, mystery and maybe even a touch of fantasy at the beginning.

- then midway, want to know his social circle, how he treats others, to know he’s real, can he provide security for her and that he values her worth in the relationship.

 

And finally:

 

- if she has an ultimate future with him such as long-term dating, moving in together, buying a dog etc.

It sounds like you plan to adopt certain behaviors in order to achieve certain results.

Unfortunately, people can sense when your responses clock their responses. That will be perceived as a lack of substance and direction. I agree with others that you should focus on what YOU want, and let the rest fall into place.

I thought this was a funny pair of contradictory sentences. I think you may generalize more than you realize.

No no. It's just a statement of fact, you yourself, being female. Do you like to be categorised the same as every other female? I bet not. I am mid 30's and in those years, never ONCE have I seen or heard another female say "I want to be like the rest."

In fact let me tell you a story about my best female friend (who I was once interested in dating.) We were around 18 at the time and (I don't know what possessed me) I told her I was going to steal her hair brush to extract her hair and clone her several times over and do some very very dirty things to the clones. She looked me right in the eye with a very cold face. Didn't say a word for like maybe 20 seconds just staring at me. I thought this is it, shes going to slap me or walk out on me.

Nope.

I asked her what she was thinking because she was making me anxious. She didn't care about me "cloning her" or doing "dirty things" to the clones. She wanted to "kill the clones" because there can only be one of her. She said, crossing her arms.

It sounds like you plan to adopt certain behaviors in order to achieve certain results.

 

Unfortunately, people can sense when your responses clock their responses. That will be perceived as a lack of substance and direction. I agree with others that you should focus on what YOU want, and let the rest fall into place.

Now you, I find fascinating. You are the first person here that actually understood what I was doing.

You are wrong, I am sorry to say about a couple of things here though. I am very self aware and intuitive, most people do not even see me coming. You have defiantly caught my attention. I wonder what you do for a living.

No no. It's just a statement of fact, you yourself, being female. Do you like to be categorised the same as every other female? I bet not. I am mid 30's and in those years, never ONCE have I seen or heard another female say "I want to be like the rest."

Let me put it this way: You yourself being male, do you like to be categorized the same as every other male?

Let me put it this way: You yourself being male, do you like to be categorized the same as every other male?

Haha. Honestly? I couldn't care less. It's the least of what is on my mind! I know I am not like most males, in a lot of ways and that is what matters to me. If someone did categorise me as the same as every other male I would shrug and continue on with life. I don't know why but boy did that give me a chuckle!

Haha. Honestly? I couldn't care less. It's the least of what is on my mind! I know I am not like most males, in a lot of ways and that is what matters to me. If someone did categorise me as the same as every other male I would shrug and continue on with life. I don't know why but boy did that give me a chuckle!

So, why do you think it matters to females?