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Thread: Have I got it right?

  1. #11
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    A teenager may have these goals but a grown woman will want some sort of real commitment and perhaps kids, marriage etc. Also "excitement, mystery etc" sounds like tips from a pickup artist site but has very little to do with interpersonal relationships and building rapport and trust. If you get on some dating apps and start reading what local women in your age range want, you'll get a better idea.

    Keep in mind an 18 y/o teenager may want a dog/playing house but a woman in her mid 20-30s may want marriage kids or may already have kids. Your age range it too wide. If you state that on your dating profile it looks like you are trawling for anything that answers and that you need this extreme range because you are desperate and need a huge net.
    *EDIT* Ok, so I am not sure why my previous post did not come through, maybe it was the length of the post because I replied to everyone. So sorry for the frustration. This post might be a little more specific towards certain attributes of my original post anyway.

    I assume that because I am new, my posts need moderator approval. Frustrating but none the less, understandable. When my post (of which I did several hours ago) is approved you might understand a little more of where I am coming from. I can also assure you that I am not one for dating apps or anything the like. I am no trawler either. The thought of using apps and flirting with everything that moves really turns me off. Like I said in my previous post. I don't know what I want, which is why I was so broad in my original post.

    I build a strong friendship with any woman I am interested in long before I even consider dating her. That might not work for some, but it does work for me and I much prefer it that way (I indeed have good reasons behind that method.)

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    First of all, you need to figure out what you want because generally women don't want a relationship doesn't have direction whatsoever. They want to know where they stand, what you want, they'll tell you what they want and go from there. You can't just not know anything otherwise you are perceived as insecure and unstable and you will make women feel unsteady as well.

    Many women prefer to build a trusting friendship first so it's something you'll have in common. Not every woman wishes to immediately plunge into a relationship without getting to know you first.

    Usually, women have different requirements based upon which stage in life they're at. You cannot lump them altogether because it's unrealistic.

  3. #13
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    First of all, you need to figure out what you want because generally women don't want a relationship doesn't have direction whatsoever.
    Hi Cherylyn. I do plan to do exactly that. If you have a read of my last post on page one, you would see that I do take a lot of time before I even attempt a date or relationship with someone.

    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    They want to know where they stand, what you want, they'll tell you what they want and go from there. You can't just not know anything otherwise you are perceived as insecure and unstable and you will make women feel unsteady as well.
    All I know right now is that I am ready to start dating again, I haven't gone out on the town or even tried to flirt with anyone yet. I don't want anyone in my circle. don't want anyone from my circle to set me up with anyone. I want to find someone brand new. I dont know who or where yet. When it happens, it happens.

    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Many women prefer to build a trusting friendship first so it's something you'll have in common. Not every woman wishes to immediately plunge into a relationship without getting to know you first.
    Like I said in my last post on page one, I do take a long time before I attempt to flirt and date a woman. I do not plunge at all.

    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Usually, women have different requirements based upon which stage in life they're at. You cannot lump them altogether because it's unrealistic.
    I really am starting to regret my original post as people are not taking the post as I intended it. It was perhaps 3am in the morning as I wrote it, so maybe that's my fault for constructing it that way, however. It's all good as everyone has been really helpful and I have what I need out of this thread.

    At this point I am only answering peoples replies as they come. Besides I find this forum neat so I might just stick around. It's a massive forum!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    need to know if I am still in touch with what women want long and short term.
    Mass marketing is great for companies targeting an 'audience,' but if your goal is to find a good match for yourself, it's pretty pointless to think of women as a marketing segment.

    Start with what YOU want. From there you can screen out anyone who doesn't want the same things or doesn't own the capacity to appreciate your unique value. You won't pretzel yourself shooting for mass appeal, and you can narrow your scope to those looking for the same things that you want to offer.

    EnjOy!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    First of all, you need to figure out what you want because generally women don't want a relationship doesn't have direction whatsoever. They want to know where they stand, what you want, they'll tell you what they want and go from there. You can't just not know anything otherwise you are perceived as insecure and unstable and you will make women feel unsteady as well.
    Nailed it. Itís ok to not know right now.... but if you want a successful relationship with someone you will need to figure it out.

  7. #16
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Mass marketing is great for companies targeting an 'audience,' but if your goal is to find a good match for yourself, it's pretty pointless to think of women as a marketing segment.

    Start with what YOU want. From there you can screen out anyone who doesn't want the same things or doesn't own the capacity to appreciate your unique value. You won't pretzel yourself shooting for mass appeal, and you can narrow your scope to those looking for the same things that you want to offer.

    EnjOy!
    Originally Posted by maew
    Nailed it. Itís ok to not know right now.... but if you want a successful relationship with someone you will need to figure it out.
    I have found what I want, this thread, believe it or not helped me arrive there. Put it like this. The original post was more of an introspective or even rhetorical question albeit I was expecting responses from people to help me arrive at a conclusion.

    The question was ďDo I want to settle down with someone, aim for long term goals etcĒ which I have done many times in the past or do I want to ďhave fun with people for a while, not settle down etc.Ē

    I digress however, I wonder if people read the whole thread and not just the original post.

    None the less, thanks for the help.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rubixcube19
    And honestly I do try and not generalise women. I know you ladies donít like to be lumped together as all the same.
    I thought this was a funny pair of contradictory sentences. I think you may generalize more than you realize.

    Originally Posted by rubixcube19
    Women between the ages of 18 to 35 want:

    - excitement, mystery and maybe even a touch of fantasy at the beginning.
    - then midway, want to know his social circle, how he treats others, to know heís real, can he provide security for her and that he values her worth in the relationship.

    And finally:

    - if she has an ultimate future with him such as long-term dating, moving in together, buying a dog etc.
    It sounds like you plan to adopt certain behaviors in order to achieve certain results.

    Unfortunately, people can sense when your responses clock their responses. That will be perceived as a lack of substance and direction. I agree with others that you should focus on what YOU want, and let the rest fall into place.

  9. #18
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I thought this was a funny pair of contradictory sentences. I think you may generalize more than you realize.
    No no. It's just a statement of fact, you yourself, being female. Do you like to be categorised the same as every other female? I bet not. I am mid 30's and in those years, never ONCE have I seen or heard another female say "I want to be like the rest."

    In fact let me tell you a story about my best female friend (who I was once interested in dating.) We were around 18 at the time and (I don't know what possessed me) I told her I was going to steal her hair brush to extract her hair and clone her several times over and do some very very dirty things to the clones. She looked me right in the eye with a very cold face. Didn't say a word for like maybe 20 seconds just staring at me. I thought this is it, shes going to slap me or walk out on me.

    Nope.

    I asked her what she was thinking because she was making me anxious. She didn't care about me "cloning her" or doing "dirty things" to the clones. She wanted to "kill the clones" because there can only be one of her. She said, crossing her arms.

    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    It sounds like you plan to adopt certain behaviors in order to achieve certain results.

    Unfortunately, people can sense when your responses clock their responses. That will be perceived as a lack of substance and direction. I agree with others that you should focus on what YOU want, and let the rest fall into place.
    Now you, I find fascinating. You are the first person here that actually understood what I was doing.

    You are wrong, I am sorry to say about a couple of things here though. I am very self aware and intuitive, most people do not even see me coming. You have defiantly caught my attention. I wonder what you do for a living.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rubixcube19
    No no. It's just a statement of fact, you yourself, being female. Do you like to be categorised the same as every other female? I bet not. I am mid 30's and in those years, never ONCE have I seen or heard another female say "I want to be like the rest."
    Let me put it this way: You yourself being male, do you like to be categorized the same as every other male?

  11. #20
    Member rubixcube19's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Let me put it this way: You yourself being male, do you like to be categorized the same as every other male?
    Haha. Honestly? I couldn't care less. It's the least of what is on my mind! I know I am not like most males, in a lot of ways and that is what matters to me. If someone did categorise me as the same as every other male I would shrug and continue on with life. I don't know why but boy did that give me a chuckle!

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