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Thread: Is he seeing someone else?

  1. #1
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    Is he seeing someone else?

    Iím dating this guy and we both agreed not to see anyone else as things have been going good between us. We talk everyday over the phone/text and see each other 1-2 times a week at the moment. The last 2 times weíve seen each other, he has seemed distracted and not as talkative. On two separate occasions heís disappeared for a whole night, not messaged at all which is not like him. During this time, Iíve noticed he has been online on social media a few times but ignored my message also. The next day heís then sending me loads of messages in a row, almost like he feels guilty and is trying to make it up to me. He tells me his phone died the night before yet Iím not sure if to believe it.. his whole vibe seems to have changed as he appears distant on and off but he never did before.

    Do you think heís seeing someone else? Honest opinions/advice please

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You had the exclusive talk, so you've been intimate? He sounds like a player from your description of him here: [Register to see the link]

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    Yes - we have been intimate and itís since then Iíve noticed the distant behaviour on & off.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He made his intentions about this known after the second date when he texted about his hard-ons. He may or may not be seeing anyone, but he definitely wanted quick chemistry. Is there another date scheduled? Try to take things a bit slowly and get to know each other and skip the in-house dates. No one can "use" you for sex. Clearly you are very into him and describe the "great chemistry". However you are engaging in too much too soon and it's confusing you.
    Originally Posted by askadvice96
    He text me shortly after and we arranged to go on another date but in one of his texts, he told me he ďgot hardĒ several times throughout the evening. is he only interested in sex and trying to guide the conversation that way?

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  6. #5
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    He says he wants to set another date but we have not yet set one as Iíve drawn back myself a little due to being unsure. Although he had made the comment about having a hard on previously, he has constantly told me he wants a relationship and sees us being in one soon. The only date we had in house was 2 weeks ago (when we were intimate) and this was purely due to it being easier because of our work schedules. Itís like he says he wants a relationship with me, acts this way and then randomly acts the opposite but itís not consistent. Thankyou for the advice though, will definitely be taking it on board.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Let him take the lead for a while, both in reaching out for communication and for asking you to get together. Reply to his text, but don't be the first to reach out. See if he wants to get together to know you instead of meeting up for booty calls. It's the best way to gauge his true interest or disinterest. If you don't like how he acts as a potential boyfriend, dump him. He's not the only cute, sexy guy your age on the planet.

    Although relationships can't keep up the crazy high passion and enthusiasm of a new love, yours is still new, so if it's regressing versus progressing at this point, it doesn't sound very promising.

  8. #7
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    How long have you known this guy, 1 or 1.5 months? Did you meet online?

    The fact of the matter is, you two barely know each other. Itís hard to say why his behaviour has seemingly changed, but, from the get-go I canít help but think that this guy has given you reasons to question his character and whether heís the type of guy for you.

    Anytime a guy has sent me texts or said something to me on a first date similar to what this guy had texted you after your first date (re being hard [according to your previous thread]) itís usually just the tip of the iceberg (and most definitely a red flag, at least for me). I mean, I find these comments from guys very telling!

    It sounds like your gut is trying to tell you something about this guy and that youíve been questioning him and his behaviour from the beginning. Iíd be keeping this in mind moving forward.

    I agree with Andrina in terms of letting him take the lead more when it comes to communicating.

    Remember, we teach someone how to treat us, so if youíre the one constantly reaching out, and heís finding excuses as to why he isnít responding as he normally has until recently, Iíd give him an opportunity to step it up by stepping back.
    Last edited by milly007; 07-03-2019 at 10:21 AM.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by askadvice96

    On two separate occasions heís disappeared for a whole night, not messaged at all which is not like him. During this time, Iíve noticed he has been online on social media a few times but ignored my message also. The next day heís then sending me loads of messages in a row, almost like he feels guilty and is trying to make it up to me. He tells me his phone died the night before yet Iím not sure if to believe it..
    First off, if you have been talking/texting every single day, I don't think him taking a night off from that is anything to get this wound up about.

    No one should feel obligated to keep that type of fast pace lest they upset their partner. It places an unnecessary pressure on them and the relationship that has the potential of ruining what you're developing. Let him breathe.

    I mean, the fact he even felt it necessary to give you an excuse why he didn't call one night suggests he already feels that pressure and it's turning him off.

    Let him or any man breathe, don't freak, learn to be flexible with these sorts of changing nuances, you will be a lot happier. So will he!

    Re what is happening now, not good. My guess based on what you've posted, is he is feeling suffocated and may very well be seeking others.

    Step back a bit, don't seek reassurance from him, that will only make him feel more sufficated.

    I also recall your previous thread, I can't say he's a "player" not enough info to say that.

    He may be, so again step back, dial it back, and see what happens, it's still very early stages.

  10. #9
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    Does he not have a charger for his phone? It takes all of three minutes to get juice back in a phone after plugging it in. Terrible excuse. He sounds unreliable. Move on.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    Does he not have a charger for his phone? It takes all of three minutes to get juice back in a phone after plugging it in. Terrible excuse. He sounds unreliable. Move on.
    Agree it was a poor excuse and probably not true, but the fact he felt he needed to make an excuse at all is an issue too.

    There is nothing horrible about needing a breather for one night.

    He is feeling burnt out on all the talking/texting every single day, so would I !

    Dial it back, see what happens.

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