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Thread: Boyfriendís Urges

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It would bother me if that was my bf. On the one hand, he could just be having an innocent fantasy and never meant anything by it, on the other, he really did mean it and could be a potential rapist, not just with his partner but in general.

    Very tough as to figure out which one...yikes.

    But for sure you are incompatible, with him leaving soon though, I'm not sure it matters much.

    Say goodbye and let him slowly fade.

  2. #12
    Silver Member zebragirl's Avatar
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    If itís a fantasy and you role play it should be fine . If itís something you donít want to role play and you say no and he does it anyway it becomes actual rape . Is he saying he wants to role play this ? Are you afraid because you think he would actually do this non consensually ? In domination and role playing it does need to be discussed beforehand and a code word for when one partner has had enough , some way to say no when no isnít an option because during some role plays saying no and the other person ignoring the no is sort of part of the game or fantasy . Thatís when a safe word comes into play . If you trust him to actually listen to and respect the safe word it can be ok . If his idea is to actually rape and ignore any safe words then HE isnít safe at all . There has to be a line between reality and acting out a fantasy . Communication is the only way to figure out that line.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You will simply have to explain to him that, it's ok to have fantasies, BUT this one, there's no way you are going to participate in. end of.

    Me personally I couldn't be with someone who gets turned on by sexual violence.
    Same. There are lots of things I am open to doing but acting out a rape fantasy is not one of them.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    This is actually a fairly common fantasy. I've met men and women who enjoy it and do so safely with understood stop words. I wouldn't crucify him for what turns him on, as long as he also respects your feelings on the matter.

    I get off from the idea of being "taken" against my will. I've never done an extensive roleplay, but perhaps I will one day with a trusted partner. However, actual rape disgusts me and doesn't turn me on in the slightest. I have no good explanation for why this is the case.

    Decide if his fantasy is a dealbreaker or not for you, but take a deep breath. It really isn't all you're making it out to be.

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  6. #15
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    "In the moment I was a bit for it because Iím usually into that sort of thing, but today after some actual rational thought"

    I'm going to go a bit against the grain a bit here. It sounds like you were initially turned on, and then spent some time overthinking it, and worked yourself up into thinking it's something it's not. You don't need to decide anything right away. Keep exploring it on your own, and discuss it with him when you get the chance.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Iím usually into that sort of thing,
    You are usually into what sort of thing? If you are into that sort of thing, why does it scare you that your boyfriend is also into it? Is it the way he wants to do it that scares you or just the fact that he wants to?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How does he know you are 'usually into this sort of thing'?
    Originally Posted by valdizon9
    In the moment I was a bit for it because Iím usually into that sort of thing, but today after some actual rational thought I realized how scary it was that he felt that way.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Bumping: Op: can you explain further on the quotes above?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    This is actually a fairly common fantasy. I've met men and women who enjoy it and do so safely with understood stop words. I wouldn't crucify him for what turns him on, as long as he also respects your feelings on the matter.

    I get off from the idea of being "taken" against my will. I've never done an extensive roleplay, but perhaps I will one day with a trusted partner. However, actual rape disgusts me and doesn't turn me on in the slightest. I have no good explanation for why this is the case.

    Decide if his fantasy is a dealbreaker or not for you, but take a deep breath. It really isn't all you're making it out to be.
    Man... SGH.... I was starting to think I was a sexual deviant, Iím reading the responses like, am I just friends with a bunch of freaks???

    At its core itís about control. Many women like rape fantasy because it turns them on to have that loss of control. Not because they want to be sexually violated by a stranger, there is a definite difference. Men who like control in the bedroom does not mean they are monsters, some of the most docile respectful loving men can have a control kink, part of being free with your partner is opening up about all that...

    Itís ok if you are not into a certain kinks, choking is popular, for multiple reasons, Iím not into it, I verbalize that, doesnít mean men who like to choke are future lakeshore stranglers, itís the same with anything really. Liking something does not define you. Shaming someone after they opened up to you is a guaranteed way to get them to close that door forever.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Taking control is one thing, choking her and taking her by surprise while having broken into her home is quite another.

    he had a fantasy of breaking into my house wearing all black and proceeding to hold me down and have sex with me while I struggled against him and told him no

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