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Thread: thoughts of suicide every day

  1. #1

    thoughts of suicide every day

    I think of death, every day... Would my family be better off without me? It's not like they respect me... Everything I say, every action I make, it's all contradicted. No one trusts me or my word and I don't know why. It's me. It's my personality. I'm a loser. I'm 54 and have nothing to show for my life. To my husband I'm just a lay. To my oldest, I'm just an emotional punching bag. To my oldest son, I'm a fixer of meals. To my youngest, I'm nothing.
    Yeah, I'm a loser.

  2. #2
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    If you could do something that made you smile and happy, what would that be? And another question would be.. why don't you just look into getting a divorce? Depending what state you live in, you have community property and community debt. So whatever money your hubby makes, it belongs to you too.
    To answer your question would your family be better off without you? No.. I think they just don't appreciate what kind of a great person you are. There is someone out there who will hang on every word, someone that will take the effort to make you happy. That option is out there for you. Happiness is out your front door. please don't give in to the moment. I had a friend just jump off a building last week and the ones who will left paying the price with sadness will be his family. If you can, call someone for help. There are phone numbers or shelters, organizations that can help you get thru this. You are not alone.

  3. #3
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    Sounds like you would be better off without them. Do you have access to mental health care? A psychologist or a social worker to bounce your experiences off of might help in untangling who is not worthy of your company from what is your own negative self talk (the stories we tell ourselves are powerful).

    I hope you find clarity and move forward. You could quit the game but I think if you hang in and make changes life could get so much better, Iím hoping you hang in, you deserve that experience

  4. #4
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    You don't sounds like much fun to be around...

    At 54, you DO have things to show for your life! You have three kids! And a husband! If you truly feel that you have nothing, then you need to find something...a job? a hobby?

    Assert yourself. Do NOT let your kids treat you badly. YOU are the adult; act like it! If you continue to tell yourself you are a loser, you will make it a reality. STOP DOING THAT! Your family would not be better off without you!

  5.  

  6. #5
    Am sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. I know and understand your feeling. I have been there before. Have you ever thought of how your children live would have being without you when they were very young? You sacrificed your life, sleep and comfort for them. At lest you help them be who they are now. You have always been the pillar in their life. Some people turn to forget the value of people around them and usually take them for granted. They may not say it but donít let it discourage you. People will always have opinion about you put donít let it define you. For now they may not appreciate you but a time will come when they will see how much help you have been to them. Your value and worth in not in people. You are precious and unique. You are a looser because they say so. You invested your time, energy and love into them. That worth a lot if you had hired a nanny to do that. Itís a stage. It will get better.

  7. #6
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    All of the things you list seem... pretty normal to feel for a woman who has been sacrificing for her family for a long time. I think families often have an easy time taking mothers for granted. Especially if she has been very good to them. I don't know the ages of the kids, but most kids have a phase where their mom is just the provider of meals or the emotional punching bag. I can't say anything about your husband either, but if that's really all you are to him, it reflects bad on him not on you. I'm positive you are way more important to your youngest than you are feeling. This feeling of being neglected is a valid thing to feel, but it doesn't reflect reality or the true way your family thinks of you, it doesn't mean you have a bad personality, and it's not accurate that if you weren't there that they would be better off. No family is ever better off when a close family member like a mother or a wife ends their life.

    If you can't take pride in your family, maybe it is time to start looking for something to take pride in? Go back to school, look for a new job, join some social clubs or activities outside the home. Your home full of the same people you see every day is not the entirety of the world. You don't have to just be a lay for your husband - make him earn it. You don't have to sit around and be an emotional punching bag. Your family probably respects you more than you feel that they do - but even if they don't, sod them! What do you need to do to respect yourself? What is missing that you want out of life? What's the first step toward making that happen?

    Find reasons to get out of bed in the morning. If the reasons you are "supposed" to have aren't doing it for you any more... find something that will.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by fakesmile
    I think of death, every day... Would my family be better off without me? It's not like they respect me... Everything I say, every action I make, it's all contradicted. No one trusts me or my word and I don't know why. It's me. It's my personality. I'm a loser. I'm 54 and have nothing to show for my life. To my husband I'm just a lay. To my oldest, I'm just an emotional punching bag. To my oldest son, I'm a fixer of meals. To my youngest, I'm nothing.
    Yeah, I'm a loser.
    I used to think of death very often. But I am still on planet earth and very much alive.

    Although your family may take you for granted when you are around, when you are no longer there, they will miss you and blame themselves for not seeing the signs that you were contemplating taking your own life. It's strange but true that most (not all) people do not appreciate someone when s/he is alive. It's called life and the attitude that everything will be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

    The best solution is to start giving to yourself all love that you give to others, no, please make it double or triple the love that you give to others, turn that to yourself. Once you love and appreciate yourself, you won't need to seek validation from anyone else.


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