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Thread: Am I Overreacting?

  1. #11
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    Sound like whatever deal he made for your car was was what was possible at that time. So he got a diff car the next time around and you want his car?

    Is this over the color of the car? Is this about you getting to decide what he does?

    It seems to me that if you want a different car, then go get it.

    As a side note, you are not legally married yet. While a lot of people think that it is just like being married to live together, it is not. In some states, such as California (as an example), there is no community property for unmarried people living together.

    As for buying /leasing cars? Nobody is stopping you from getting one on your own dime.

    Yes, you are overreacting.

  2. #12
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Why is he your fiance for 5 yrs? Are you not committed to each other enough to marry? If you split up, who gets the cars? Without benefit of marriage, you probably won't get any cars.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by sarahs14

    I have been with my fiance for 5 years and still everything is about him it seems.
    As I was reading your post, I kept thinking -- there's got to be more to this story than just this.

    And low and behold, at the end I read the above quote.

    So what's going on sarahs? Can you elaborate a bit more as to why you feel everything is about him?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're not married so his spending habits are his business. "Practically married" is not legally married so your finances are legally not each other's problem. Definitely go to premarital counseling to sort out incompatibilities especially about finance and money habits. That is cited as one of the most common reasons for divorce.

    If the color of a car is a deal breaker for you you've got a bunch of underlying issues you're not addressing. This is about your BF, not a red car. You both realize there are deeper unaddressed problems and this car color thing is just a manifestation of that. This is an ongoing power struggle and you know that.
    Originally Posted by sarahs14
    I have been with my fiance for 5 years and still everything is about him it seems. It makes me feel as if my feelings and wants don't matter.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sarahs14
    He works for the car dealership (a Mazda dealership) and got my last lease through them. He just has to tell them my info and then I just sign and drive. We have 2 kids, a house, same bank account.... were practically married without the paper.
    Sounds like the problem is the 1 bank account. The best couple's money management strategy I've ever heard is to make 3 accounts: His, Hers and Ours. Create a budget of total shared expenses, savings and investments. Include EVERYthing except for your individual credit cards, which get paid from the His or Hers accounts. All else equals one monthly sum.

    Both partners pay FIRST into the Ours account each month according to average annual earnings percentage. So if you earn the same, you'd both pay 50/50 percent. Otherwise, each percentage more one partner earns over the other, that percentage is subtracted from the other's contribution to the Ours fund: so payments could be 55/45% or 60/40%, or 65/35%, etc. Once each partner's contribution to the Ours fund is paid, you both pay the bills together. Anything outside of that Ours account payment goes into your respective His and Hers accounts.

    All individual expenses that are not made together are paid from the His or Hers 'discretionary' accounts without the other getting a vote. So if one wants to save their discretionary money while the other wants to buy stuff--so be it. If one wants to spend theirs on the family or themselves, that's not an argument. As long as all SHARED expenses, savings and investments are covered, there is no need to comment on the other's choices in how they spend their discretionary money.

    This means, if you want a red car, use your discretionary money to trade in your gray one for it.

  7. #16
    Member Richard11's Avatar
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    I guess you should talk with him about for whom he bought this car.

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