I need your advice regarding silent treatments and deciding whether I was wrong

[sosolaila89]

Hello everyone,

I'm so thankful that I've found a place where I can vent and get some advice. It's not easy going to family or friends because of their biased opinions. I know no one knows my relationship like I do but it'd be nice to get some advice and help elsewhere. I need people who can see the situation outside of "leave him." True help and support on how to deal with this situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 7 years. He suffers from bipolar/schizophrenia/ptsd. He's 38 and I am 29, about to be 30 this month. I believe those are really important to know before I continue. I don't know want to explain our relationship in detail because that'd take forever. I'm just going to focus on why I'm here today and what I need help with.

For 2 years or less, my boyfriend has been quite distant. He's still very loving and shows me plenty of attention but seeing me, is not on his list of priorities. He has been going out of town for business. Right now, he's in Wisconsin which is about 3 hours away from me. My birthday is this month and he invited me out on my birthday to spend time with him in Wisconsin since he won't be here. I'll be going. He came back this week to spend 4th of July with me but now he's given me the silent treatment and I'm not sure if that'll happen still.

The silent treatment started on Saturday night. I was talking to a friend of mine and she is the type who will convince you to believe something. She started saying things like "he's probably cheating," but clearly she doesn't know that. She can assume all she wants but she doesn't know. She convinced me anyways, even though I know what he's up to, and I flipped out on him through text. Accusing him of cheating, and the most. He never responded. This was @ 7:30 pm which is around the time he's getting ready for bed but I know he was still up, just ignoring me.

I then expressed that my emotions are just running wild and that's why I'm acting this way. That I miss him and it sucks that we don't spend time with each other anymore. That I know he's working but doesn't change the fact that I miss him. He still didn't respond. So, Sunday comes and still nothing from him. He always texts me "Good morning beautiful. I love you and I hope you have a great day at work today my gorgeous queen." He has texted me that every single day for nearly 7 years. I haven't gotten anything from him the past few days since Saturday.

Silent treatment goes on. I feel because I did reach out many times after I caught myself doing wrong and explaining why I acted that way, I shouldn't have to keep on trying to get him to talk to me. Mind you, he always does this. He's even said "if you piss me off, I will ignore you." He would never let it ruin any holiday or birthdays coming up though. Being that he hasn't reached out and 4th of July is around the corner, I'm panicking.

My question is, should I reach out? Or, should I wait on him to come get me? I have lost my power in this relationship and hoping to get that back.

[loyal]

Being that he is bipolar/schizo-affective/suffering from PTSD, do you know that he is in a healthy mindset right now? If the silence has been building, could there be a chance that he is having an episode of some sort? If he has texted you every morning for seven years and suddenly stopped with no explanation, I would be worried.

Your friend sounds like a pot-stirrer. Don't listen to her.

[loyal]

When is he supposed to come and get you?

[boltnrun]

Is it normal for you to trust your friend more than you trust your romantic partner of 7 years?

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like your friend triggered an underlying fear of yours (and she's no friend for doing so), so I wonder why you were so quick to listen to her and fire off a serious accusation at your boyfriend. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you're worried about him cheating, or you'd have told her to knock it off. Have there been trust issues previously?

I understand why he is angry at you, to be clear. You were quick to not give him the benefit of the doubt and start drama over text messaging. It tells him you don't trust him and chose to communicate this immaturely. However, the very least he could do is let you know that you upset him a lot and he doesn't want to speak right now. His total silence is concerning, but I am guessing the very fact that he's used silence as a threat before makes me wonder how often you tiptoe around his feelings and stifle yours down. This whole episode and your use of this line, "I have lost my power in this relationship and hoping to get that back", strongly suggests a very unhealthy dynamic in general. Framing this as who has power speaks to the overall landscape of your relationship, and it doesn't sound too good.

I would stop trying to reach out. See if he comes for you. If he doesn't, you really need to take a step back and re-evaluate the feasibility of the relationship. Two years of distant behaviour combined with silent treatment should have you reflecting on whether this is what you want.

[sosolaila89]

He hasn't stopped the good morning texts. I was saying that since Saturday, while he's been giving me the silent treatment, it's stopped. I've stopped talking to her since then. I only talk to her about stuff that's not in relation to my relationship.

[sosolaila89]

I was more so saying "come get me" as in reach out to me first.

[sosolaila89]

I have bad anxiety and when I freak out, I ask everyone for their opinion. Some people take advantage of that and really try to break me while undergoing anxiety which causes me to explode in sadness and pain.

[sosolaila89]

Thank you for that!

[boltnrun]

I have bad anxiety and when I freak out, I ask everyone for their opinion. Some people take advantage of that and really try to break me while undergoing anxiety which causes me to explode in sadness and pain.

But that doesn't make what you accused him of disappear. You accused him of cheating!

What have you done to manage your anxiety? Therapy? Medication? CBT?