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Thread: I need your advice regarding silent treatments and deciding whether I was wrong

  1. #101
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Have you checked out any of the schizophrenia support organizations in your area?
    It might help you to see things from another perspective. It's not only for those who are diagnosed, but also those who love someone who has been.
    Some of the behaviors you listed are quite common to the illness. It's extremely common too for med skipping to happen.
    I think being as informed as possible is always a good thing. I think too you are personalizing a lot that is not personal, but related to the illness.
    Well let me know what you think?
    Yeah thatís why I kept bringing up his illness because I am in a schizophrenia support group and a bipolar support group. They all do the same thing. Itís like every person in those groups can tell my story because theyíre so similar.

  2. #102
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    This is what your life with him is going to look like, OP.

    You know what you have signed up for. You know it won't be stable or predictable. There will be times when he vanishes and you spiral and panic. He will lash out and hurt you, berate you, and them come back. Your self-esteem will take a beating and then be built up again, albeit on a very flimsy foundation. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    With all of that said, there is really not much anyone here can do for you. You know what his deal is. You better get used to it because this is what the rest of your relationship with him is probably going to be. Stick around if you choose, but be prepared to deal with years and years of this. You are making an informed choice to stay so complaining about it will eventually become futile.

    My big concern here is this: what are you going to do if he eventually does leave for good? Finds another woman? Where does that leave you? Your identity and self-worth is utterly dependent on him so I would be worried that you are going to fall apart completely if this relationship doesn't work out.
    Last edited by MissCanuck; 07-04-2019 at 03:00 AM.

  3. #103
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    Do you know where he has been going out of town for business? Maybe, you should got to follow him.

  4. #104
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    This is what your life with him is going to look like, OP.

    You know what you have signed up for. You know it won't be stable or predictable. There will be times when he vanishes and you spiral and panic. He will lash out and hurt you, berate you, and them come back. Your self-esteem will take a beating and then be built up again, albeit on a very flimsy foundation. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    With all of that said, there is really not much anyone here can do for you. You know what his deal is. You better get used to it because this is what the rest of your relationship with him is probably going to be. Stick around if you choose, but be prepared to deal with years and years of this. You are making an informed choice to stay so complaining about it will eventually become futile.

    My big concern here is this: what are you going to do if he eventually does leave for good? Finds another woman? Where does that leave you? Your identity and self-worth is utterly dependent on him so I would be worried that you are going to fall apart completely if this relationship doesn't work out.
    I will fall apart. Heís my world. If he leaves, idk what Iíll do. I know I wonít be okay. 7 years is a long time. I canít just be okay with a break up, if thatís what this is. I wonít be the happiest person ever if that happens. This is my bf of 7 years. No, I wouldnít want to see him with someone else. Who would want to see their bf with anyone else after being invested in a relationship this many years or more? I never heard of that before. It has nothing to do with anything else but the fact that I love him. This isnít easy. The one person who treated me like a queen for 5 years, has suddenly turned into this the last 2 years. Itís not like he treated me good for a few months and went stone cold, it was years. Ever since his mom and I got into an altercation, things went down hill. That woman has such a control over him. She blows up his phone anytime he isnít home and asks ďare you with that b**tch?Ē He tells me letís run away from all this drama. When heís on a business trip or just away from her, he treats me amazing. Itís like heís stuck in the middle of a woman who says she will disown him if he talks to me, and possibly losing me.

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  6. #105
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where does he actually live? With her or with you? What kind of altercation did you get into with his mother? Have you been emotionally abusive toward him? Or excessively clingy, jealous, controlling, etc? Severe mental illness can run in families. Is he at her place/communicating with her during these disappearances? If you make him choose, is he leaning toward his mother's advice to leave you since you can't get along with her? It sounds like your relationship with him is very conflicted and extremely strained because of the situation with the mother.
    Originally Posted by sosolaila89
    Ever since his mom and I got into an altercation, things went down hill. She blows up his phone anytime he isnít home and asks ďare you with that b**tch?Ē
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-04-2019 at 07:24 AM.

  7. #106
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    Originally Posted by sosolaila89
    I will fall apart. Heís my world. If he leaves, idk what Iíll do. I know I wonít be okay. 7 years is a long time. I canít just be okay with a break up, if thatís what this is. I wonít be the happiest person ever if that happens. This is my bf of 7 years. No, I wouldnít want to see him with someone else. Who would want to see their bf with anyone else after being invested in a relationship this many years or more? I never heard of that before.
    Who suggested that? Not one person in this thread implied you should want to see him with someone else.

    Not one person in this thread suggested that ending a 7-year relationship would be easy, either. Many of us have been there, some with relationships much longer than yours. A few of us with partners suffering from mental health problems - myself included (former partner, in my case) You are not the only person in the world that has been in this boat. Your situation isn't as unique as you think it is.

    My point was that you are extremely unhealthily enmeshed with him, and you have your own issues you should be addressing too. Given that your relationship does look like it could be ending, if I'm being honest, you need to start thinking about what you will do with yourself. You should be thinking about how to be your own person anyway, regardless of your relationship status.

    I concede that you are right to be worried that the past two years have not been good. Something isn't working here anymore, whether it's related to his mental health or possible infidelity. You said something that contradicted your earlier posts, though: "When heís on a business trip or just away from her, he treats me amazing." Evidently, that's not entirely true because he's on a business trip now and wasn't paying attention to you, leading to your accusation of cheating. If you really believed he was amazing to you while is away, why did you freak out when he was more quiet than usual?

    I think you are afraid of what the truth behind his distance might be, so you have different (slightly more palatable) explanations you try to tack on now instead of calmly confronting what you fear most, which is that he might have another woman on his radar.

  8. #107
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Where does he actually live? With her or with you? What kind of altercation did you get into with his mother? Have you been emotionally abusive toward him? Or excessively clingy, jealous, controlling, etc? Severe mental illness can run in families. Is he at her place/communicating with her during these disappearances? If you make him choose, is he leaning toward his mother's advice to leave you since you can't get along with her? It sounds like your relationship with him is very conflicted and extremely strained because of the situation with the mother.
    His mother doesnít want him in a relationship with anyone. She is like this with all her sons. Her other son actually just got into a new relationship and she managed to make up something wrong about her so they would argue. Sheís very toxic.

    Our altercation was over the fact I wouldnít drive her somewhere. She is not my mother and not my responsibility. I live 20-30 mins away from her. She has 5 grown sons/daughters who all drive and live with her. She knew that I wouldnít able to drop what I was doing and come take her but she used that as a reason to tell him Iím no good. She will purposely do stuff like this. In the beginning of our relationship, before I ever met her, she heard about me and messaged me on Facebook calling me a ďdumb b**tch.Ē

    I didnít even know who she was because she faked her name on fb and put it under his nieces name and obviously I didnít know his family then so I was confused. For a minute, I thought it was another woman he was talking to. He said thatís his mom. I said why in the world would she cal a woman that she doesnít even know a ďdumb b**tch?Ē He said idk and Iíll have a talk with her.

    My point here is, she will do anything it takes to flip a situation onto you. If she does wrong, she will flip it and make him think the other person was wrong. She will start crying and get upset to make it look real. This woman even tried to run in front of my car wearing all black at midnight when I dropped him off at home to get me to hit her. Luckily he got back in the car and spent more time with me because heís the one who noticed someone was in the street, not me and told me to stop the car.

    There was one time, the first time meeting her at a hospital when my bf was having pains in his chest. I was in the waiting room with her and his niece. She told me ďwhen I adopted him when he was 12 and we were celebrating his birthday, he threw his bday cake in the trash. I wish I never adopted him. Heís the worst.Ē The next day she argued with him because she was jealous of me and saying she doesnít now want him talking to me. He flipped out on her. She said ďoh your little gf was talking about you. She told me I should have never adopted you.Ē Iím like wow!!!!! Thatís so messed up!

    His niece told his mother the other day ďwhy donít you go save your sons from their girlfriends??? Since you like ruining everyoneís relationship.Ē She said it as a joke so she doesnít get into trouble. My bf told me and Iím like okay so the kids know Iím not wrong?? And itís all her??? He said yes but my mom is over protective and no one can stop her. He even admitted thatís the reason he went 2 months not talking to me bc she is very good at making you think something is true about someone.

    She has told him Iím a cheater, I play with his head, she basically takes advantage of his head, knowing he has an illness. He deals with real bad paranoia. She knows it and she will say ďhey what if she is cheating on you or what if sheís in this to really hurt you?Ē The two things he fears the most and he will flip out. His biological mom isnít even like this. At first, I thought she might be evil. All along, the only reason why he thought she was evil is bc of what his adoptive mother told him so he doesnít talk to her ever again.

  9. #108
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    In your other thread you asked for advice on how to lose 100 pounds.

    I hope you don't think you can do any better than him because of your weight. Don't you know there are many, many men who love curvy women?

    You shouldn't doubt your value as a woman because of your weight. I hope you don't less of yourself because of it.

  10. #109
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    klsjflksdjlkds
    Last edited by sosolaila89; 07-04-2019 at 08:39 AM.

  11. #110
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    klajsdflkjskldf
    Last edited by sosolaila89; 07-04-2019 at 08:39 AM.

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