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Thread: Anxiety, doubtfulness of own feelings

  1. #11
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    Well it started off as just a hookup because she was just out of a relationship. We both agreed on no feelings. Now we are where we are.

  2. #12
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    Well, if she is willing to be in a relationship that is going nowhere, then go for it.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by NS2B1
    Well it started off as just a hookup because she was just out of a relationship. We both agreed on no feelings. Now we are where we are.
    Again you are only 20 and simply not emotionally ready to be serious, nor should you be in my opinion.

    Dial it back if you can, see if she's open to just something casual and not as intense.

    You may find your attraction returns.

  4. #14
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    Thanks for the positive advice. I wouldnít say this relationship is going ďnowhereĒ lol. Just because Iím not in love with her in 4 months doesnít mean it can never happen. Takes everyone a different amount of time.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sure, it takes everyone a different amount of time. I am not quick to say those words, but I'm pretty quick to start feeling them, as I think most people are. And the gap between thinking "I love you" and saying "I love you"óbe it a week or 7 monthsóis generally not filled with the mental anguish and gymnastics you're dealing with at the moment. You're just in the flow, enjoying something new, a new person.

    All this anguish and analysis? Typically it means something isn't clicking but you're trying to force the click. Maybe because you really, really want to click. Or maybe because you think you "should" be clicking with someone who is cool, nice, and willing to take their clothes off with you.

    Point being, like the others, it kind of sounds like you're just not quite ready for a relationshipóor at least one with her. Yeah, you can spin around in the mental well, you can blame it on your past, but live a little longer and you'll find that, with the right person, at the right time, all that past stuff isn't such a barrier. You work on it yourself, of course, but you also meet someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't trigger these spins.

    I'm a lot older than you, so we're in very different chapters, of course. I remember when I used to think the way you feel right now was complicated rather than just seeing it as I do today: as a sign that I'm not compatible with someone, or ready for something, because I don't equate "being in a relationship" with "freaking out about a relationship." If I'm freaking out it means something is in the way.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Take a deep breath and pace yourself. Try not to lock down forever right now after only 16 weeks of dating. Enjoy the infatuation stage. Let this grow at it's own rate.

  8. #17
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    How often do you see your girlfriend? There could be an explanation why sometimes you don't miss her if you see her pretty often. I think you need to be apart from someone for a while to actually start missing them. You did say though that other times you actually miss her.

    So what did it feel like when you were in love with your ex? How long were you with your ex? If you compare, you don't think you feel the same about your current girlfriend?

    The reason why I ask is because I think that feelings and love can be on a spectrum. Also depends how long we were with a person. E.g. say if you're with someone only for a couple of a few months and there's great physical chemistry. That might be just lust and the honeymoon period. After a few months it may not feel like love either if you're incompatible.

    I do agree with you that love can time to build and by that I mean companionship love. My advice to anyone is to really listen to your gut feeling. Usually you just have a feeling, an inkling as to whether someone is right for you or not. Do you have a bad feeling about your girlfriend? Or could it just be anxiety or fear of getting hurt?

  9. #18
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Because you are only 20 and not yet ready for a serious relationship
    - This is probably the case.

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