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Thread: My relationship is falling apart. I need help.

  1. #1

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    My relationship is falling apart. I need help.

    So for anyone reading this, it's gonna be long so, thank you for taking the time to read it.

    Anyways, onto the topic at hand, I need help with my relationship, i can feel like it's going to end soon and i haven't got a clue on how to deal with it, i'll go over what's happening:

    Firstly I'm 25 & so is she, she has a child which is no problem to me, i spend time with him, and bond with him etc.

    For a few weeks now all the "little things" she used to do has stopped dead, replies taking longer & we barley even touch anymore, also recently we've been at odds, or moreover she's become
    more sensitive to what i've been saying. I'm a blunt man, i say it how it is, i don't piss around with it. She used to call me stuff like gorgeous, replied faster & was really into talking to me, now whenever
    i talk i can hear it in her voice, she's not. She's under loads of stress, bills, taking care of her kid, dealing with personal issues and i've supported her through what i can. Thing is she's pushing me away
    due to her commitment issues and i don't blame her with what she's been through, i get it and i understand it, so i've been very patient with her, this is something that can't be forced yet it's getting worse
    and worse as time goes by. I care for her deeply and i have feelings for her but i don't love her as my own guard is sky high. All the little things i did at the start i do now, i always give my best because she does
    deserve it. But i'm starting to feel unwanted like mad and it's making me feel like , this is the first relationship i've been in, in 2 years as it took a while to recover from my last one. I can feel myself slowly pulling away
    now as if i'm preparing for the break up, this pisses me off as i've been trying so hard to work it out and it's as if her priorities are totally different to mine. Ofc her child and house comes first, and that
    is something i have no problem with, but with this relationship feels one sided as if i'm making all the effort. The only time we even get touchy or have sex is when we've been drinking, and that alone is a
    serious problem as it tells me she's either with me for the sake of it & that she doesn't find my attractive anymore(If that's the case i'd rather just be done with it, i don't like my time been wasted) or she only feels
    confident enough to do it while she's drunk. I know she has self confidence issues and i've been trying to help her with that in some ways but she has to be the one to get her confidence back. Very little i can do. I don't want to clash with her anymore, i want us to both be happy in this relationship, and if that can't happen the only action i can see is ending it.

    Any help would be brill, ty!

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think you've come to the right conclusion. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone with whom you admit you're not in love? What's the point?

    It looks like the honeymoon period is over, and the bloom is off the rose. If she truly loved you, her bills and personal issues wouldn't cause her to fade out on you. You can't help her with her self-confidence issues. I'm not even sure that's a problem here. The problem as I see it is that the relationship has run its course. Why prolong it? Cut your losses and move on.

  3. #3
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    If you are not in love with her, what are you getting out of the relationship? What is it that keeps you with her? Do you even want her?

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    If you're not in love with her then stop pursuing her and find someone you do fall in love with. I guess she can sense that you're not in love with her and that would make her distant. As long as you're with her you're preventing her from finding someone who does fall in love with her. That's rather selfish. She deserves better and so do you. Move on.

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  6. #5
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    I'm a blunt man, i say it how it is, i don't piss around with it.

    Its one thing to always tell the truth, its another to be harsh.
    My ex would always say he was "blunt" and constantly hurt my feelings. After awhile you go numb.
    "I like the green dress better on you than the read. It brings out your eyes and it will be easier to walk around (where we are going today) in it vs the really long one"
    vs
    "take that red dress off. It makes your rear look like its twice the size and makes your face look like its breaking out"

    I mean, maybe the statement about the red dress is "honest" - but is it kind?

    I have a feeling she checked out partly because of it. It REALLY wears you down.
    Break up if you want to, or don't break up but every person who has told me "i say it how it is" usually cuts people down to the bone

    this pisses me off as i've been trying so hard to work it out

    Instead of being pissed off, give her a little space, and also ask her out on a date. Leave the kid at home. Stop the "blunt tell it like it is act"
    And don't get drunk with her. Go on a real date. Or break up.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You're incompatible. Just pull the trigger and end things. Find someone more in line with you.
    Originally Posted by CCrimson93
    I can feel myself slowly pulling away now as if i'm preparing for the break up, this pisses me off as i've been trying so hard to work it out and it's as if her priorities are totally different to mine.


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