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Thread: LDR - Will he come back?

  1. #21
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    You are still in denial.

    Honestly, you are hoping if you reach out he'll say he made a terrible mistake and ask for another chance.

    I say leave it. You can't move forward if you keep looking backward.

  2. #22
    Member mecastillo1987's Avatar
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    Yes. A huge part of me thinks it might not be a good idea to say my piece. This thread has been immensely helpful at helping me see things from his POV and from a more logical standpoint.

    The thought of reaching out stems from my sincere wanting for him to feel at peace with his decision. I know how much inner turmoil he tends to deal with (in terms of his guilt, self esteem, and confidence.) Perhaps seeing that I'm okay and accept things a bit more now will help him cope better? Come to think of it, I know it should be the least of my concerns at this point.

    I guess I've succumbed to the idea that perhaps... we'd be better off as friends... distance and all. Not now, but maybe in a year's time or somewhere farther down the road. He is a genuinely GOOD person that I wouldn't mind keeping in my life still, even as a 'distant' friend. Although maybe I need to completely heal first and feel 100% whole again before doing so. I could just be saying this now because I particularly feel strong today.
    Last edited by mecastillo1987; 07-03-2019 at 09:20 AM.

  3. #23
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    What has he said in the past few days that proves he is having difficulty "coping" or feeling guilty?

    You are looking for excuses to contact him, which proves you are not yet in the place where you can be fine with being "friends".

    The true test is...how would you feel if he told you he's dating someone else, maybe someone local? Would that hurt?

  4. #24
    Member mecastillo1987's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What has he said in the past few days that proves he is having difficulty "coping" or feeling guilty?
    When we last spoke, he told me he was doing okay physically, but was struggling to cope emotionally and practice self-compassion. But also that he was just trying his best to remember the 'reasons' and keep moving forward. "Head down, watching my feet", as he put it.

    Yes, ofcourse it would hurt if I found out he was with someone locally. I wouldn't beg for him back or make a scene out of it though. I've resigned to the fact that the distance is too much for the both of us to overcome.

    But point is taken, I should focus on my healing and keep to myself.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He is a genuinely GOOD person that I wouldn't mind keeping in my life still, even as a 'distant' friend.

    Not good for you when you find a new partner. How would you like it if a guy you were dating was staying touch with a distant friend he once wanted as a lifetime partner and was crushed when she ended it? Take yourself out of cyberspace and get yourself out into your local world.

  7. #26
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    It isn't your role to help him cope with a break-up he wanted, OP.

    He's at peace with the decision. It doesn't mean he feels good about hurting you, but he's not hurting because it's over. He wanted it to be over. Remember that when you feel the urge to help him on his healing journey. He's miles ahead of you in that already.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by mecastillo1987
    Yes. A huge part of me thinks it might not be a good idea to say my piece. This thread has been immensely helpful at helping me see things from his POV and from a more logical standpoint.

    The thought of reaching out stems from my sincere wanting for him to feel at peace with his decision. I know how much inner turmoil he tends to deal with (in terms of his guilt, self esteem, and confidence.) Perhaps seeing that I'm okay and accept things a bit more now will help him cope better? Come to think of it, I know it should be the least of my concerns at this point.

    I guess I've succumbed to the idea that perhaps... we'd be better off as friends... distance and all. Not now, but maybe in a year's time or somewhere farther down the road. He is a genuinely GOOD person that I wouldn't mind keeping in my life still, even as a 'distant' friend. Although maybe I need to completely heal first and feel 100% whole again before doing so. I could just be saying this now because I particularly feel strong today.
    Deep down, the reason you want to reach out it because you want the last word. It is not because you want him to be at peace...you want him to NOT be at peace. This is why you want him to know you are OK....to show him that you have moved on in hopes of him becoming jealous and wanting you back. It is a very natural tendency. Please avoid doing this and simply move on.

  9. #28
    Member mecastillo1987's Avatar
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    Thank you all for the advice. I've made the decision to go on No Contact indefinitely and do my best to move forward and heal.

  10. #29
    Member mecastillo1987's Avatar
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    Hi guys,

    Just thought I'd ask for some quick advice. His dad reached out to me this morning (took me by surprise) asking me how I'm doing and saying that this too shall pass.

    I don't want to be rude and ignore it because his dad was very kind to me. What should I do?

  11. #30
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    At the end of my last long-term relationship, my ex's mom reached out to me as well. We'd been together nearly 8 years and lived together about 7 of those. She was a big part of my life.

    I responded cordially and thanked her for her kind thoughts. I wouldn't have felt right totally ignoring her, and really, I wanted to wish her well and tie things up on a positive note. She was a second mom to me so it was important for me to acknowledge the relationship we'd shared too. That was the last time I spoke to her, and I felt I could really close that chapter.

    Personally, given that you probably were not that close to his family considering the distance and relatively little time spent in person, I would reply kindly but briefly - and not get into detail about how you're doing. That's emotional stuff that his family needn't be privy to. I would also end the message with a tone of finality to signal that the communication should not continue. Something along the lines of wishing him the best, thank you, and take care.

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